Tolerance Book I (Chicago PD/Med FF) by Frances51163

Chapter Five: Unwarranted Guilt

A day later as soon as Hank arrived at Jays' apartment Adam had again picked up another subtle hint from Al and took his leave after telling his friend he would see him the next day.  As Al began to put the dirty dishes and cutlery in the kitchen he checked if Hank wanted a coffee.

"Could do with one," Hank stated as he kept watch on his injured subordinate out of the corner of his eye.  There seemed to be a bit of colour after returning to the pale features and Hank decided to bring up the three army men there and then instead of waiting until the next day, "so why did Hanson, Williams and Murphy track you to Med?"
"They just wanted to talk to me about something," the younger man replied after a brief hesitation.
"Well we figured that Kid," Al came out of the kitchen and handed Jay a glass of milk and Hank a steaming mug of coffee before he sank down beside the injured Detective on the couch to offer support, "but we want to know what ye were discussing."
"It has nothing to do with work," Jay answered quietly.
"We know," Al stated gently, "we'd just feel better if we knew what ye spoke about so we can be absolutely certain it has nothing to do with you being attacked."
"I ...," Jay was interrupted by Will entering with a bag of groceries.
"Will come in and sit down and listen for a minute," Hank directed as if he had a right to tell the other man what do do.
"I don't ..," Will was about to refuse when he noticed a look Al sent his way and also the way his little (yeah he thought - he actually looks little sitting there) brother was sitting, tensed up as if ready to run, "know how I got so delayed in work.  I forgot the time," he changed what he was about to say quickly and deposited the bag in the kitchen before sitting on the arm of the couch so he could be near his brother.
"Go on Jay," Al prompted softly noting the beads of sweat which had broken out on the mans' forehead.
"I ...," Jay folded his hands in his lap and squeezed them tightly against each other "they .... want me to go to a ...... ceremony," he shrugged nonchalently.
"What ceremony?" Will asked wondering what kind of ceremony could have his brother feeling so distressed.
"Kid is it a medal ceremony?" Al guessed sadly when no reply was forthcoming.
"Yeah," Jay said hoarsely.
"What medal do they want to give you Kid?" Al shared a look with Hank.
"Silver Star," the words were forced out as Jay shot up from the chair and headed for the bathroom knowing the milk was going to make a reappearance.

"What the hell?" Will went to follow his brother but Hank stuck out a hand to keep him seated.
"You need to know why he is feeling the way he does.  That way you have some hope of helping him.  Al talk."
"I was in the army like Jay.  Actually I was a Sniper too," Al commented before visibly shaking himself out of his memories and continuing to his small but rapt audience, "you see friends blown to pieces in front of you.  You have to wipe their blood and guts off and you get back to base when reality sinks in and you end up asking yourself a lot of questions like why them and not you.  We see things on the job whether as a Doctor or a Cop but usually we get to go home at the end of a shift.  When you're doing a tour you're on guard 24/7 because although your compound is guarded it could still be attacked at any time.  You become hyper vigilant and it becomes routine to take note of everything around you.  You never relax fully.   If you're a Sniper like Jay you can also be called away from your Regiment for special assignments.  It's a lot of pressure to deal with.  By the time you're back home you have a lot of pent up emotions one of which is guilt for making it out alive when so many didn't.  On top of that is the knowledge that you have killed people whether as a Sniper or as a Ranger with your Regiment, in Jays' case the 3rd Battalion of the 75th Regiment of the Army Rangers.  So then he's told the Army want to give him a medal and it can, for some, become another reason for guilt."
"Damn," Hank spoke as they heard the toilet flushing.
"And no doubt Jay won't tell ye but the Silver Star is the third highest medal which is awarded. It's given in cases of gallantry in action against an enemy.  Guys it's higher than the Purple Heart.  Whatever he did to earn it he put his life in grave danger."
"Al and me are going to take a walk to give ye some time alone Will, maybe he'll talk to you," Hank explained hopefully.
"I'll try."
"There are two Cops outside in the hallway that I trust and we're going to stay the night."
"Surely there's no need for that," Will protested.
"Best not to take any chances Doc," Al put in as he followed Hank to the door, "we'll see you soon."

tbc