Tolerance Book I (Chicago PD/Med FF) by Frances51163

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty-Three: Insecurities

Chicago Med

As Will put down his cell Natalie walked over noting his  expression as he stood outside a cubicle.

"What's up?"
"That was Jay," the redhead said distractedly, "he's after handing in his notice."
"That's a big decision to make.  He might change his mind."
"I hope he does.  He needs that job whether or not he wants to admit it," Will muttered unhappily as he headed towards the break room, "I'm taking an early lunch."
"You meeting him now?"
"No.  He wouldn't tell me where he is.  He said he needs some time alone."
"You're going to see Voight," Natalie stated rather than asked as she followed him into the empty room.
"Yeah.  I want to find out what he's going to do.  He doesn't want Jay to quit.  That much I do know."
"You're sure he'll talk to you about this?"
"Why wouldn't he?"
"I'm just asking.  Jay may have asked him to keep it between them."
"He wouldn't have phoned me if he'd asked Voight to keep it quiet," Will pointed out as he retrieved his jacket and quickly put it on.
"Ok," Natalie kissed the tall man on his cheek, "find me when you get back okay?"
"Will do."

Jays' Apartment

By the time he had finished talking to Will Jay knew he was after making a mistake.  Chalk it up to his present restlessness he chided himself angrily.  His brother had gone into full mother hen mode.  After spending fifteen minutes calming the older man down he had finally told him he needed to go.  By the time he got back to the apartment he had made the decision to go away on his own for a few days.  He knew his friends would reach out to him as soon as the work day ended so resolved to be long gone before then.  A knock on the door halted his track to the bedroom.  Frowning he debated ignoring the caller.  He definitely wasn't in the mood for any arguments.  He wondered if Adam had decided to chase him down.  He hoped not.  As the knocking persisted he headed for the door resignedly, determined to get rid of whoever was on the other side as quickly as possible.   Bracing himself before opening it he looked at his visitor in shock.

"Well you going to invite me in?" Jimmy Ortega demanded with a wide smile.
"Jimmy!  What the hell are you doing here?" the young Detective stood aside hastily as the older man walked in.
"Now is that any kind of welcome?"
"Sorry man just surprised to see you is all," Jay shrugged as he gestured to the couch, "take a seat.  You want a beer?"
"Bit early for that but I'll have a coffee," Jimmy put in as he eyed the gearbag sitting on an armchair, "you going somewhere?"
"Heading out for a few days," Jay mumbled as he headed into the kitchen, "you get the letter I sent?"
"Sure.  Of course turns out your math is still as bad as ever.   You gave me $300.00 extra which is partly why I came."
"You went to a lot of trouble over me," Jay reminded as he quickly prepared two mugs as the kettle began to boil, "just wanted to give you a bit extra."
"Like I told you it was no trouble.  Helping a friend is never trouble," Jimmy rose and walked over to the kitchen doorway where he could see the nervous man, "want to tell me what's got you spooked?  You said in the letter things had been sorted out.  Has something else happened?"
"No.  Everything's fine."
"Jay this is me.  You can talk to me.  You know that," Jimmy advanced into the small room and leant against the counter so he could look at his friend properly before repeating his question softly, "so tell me what's got you spooked?"
"Nothing," Jay shook his head dismissively as he busied himself filling the mugs with boiling water.
"I might believe that if you looked me in the eye," Jimmy placed a hand out to still the young mans' movements, "only you and me here."
"Jimmy it's nothing," Jay finally met his friends' gaze reluctantly, "I just got some things on my mind that's all."
"Talk about an understatement!"
"I'll deal with them," Jay frowned as he handed over a mug and then led the way out into the living area and sat down, "so how is Diego doing?"
"He's doing well.  Still determined to be a Doctor even after dealing with the worst possible patient," Jimmy bantered before becoming serious, "now tell me what's going on."
"Anyone ever tell you you were stubborn?"
"Jay!"
"Okay, okay," Jay threw his hands up in surrender, "with everything that has happened I seem to have ........ lost something ...,"
"What?" the ex Army Medic put down his mug and leant forward.
"Me," the stressed man confessed hoarsely, his gaze on the mug in his hands.
"You only told me part of what went on but it's only natural you're shaken.   You've been on fast forward since the attack at Med with little time to actually deal with your emotions.  No one can blame you for feeling lost but you my friend could never lose 'you'.   You have a good heart and that guides you."
"You don't understand ...,"
"I understand you're second guessing things now in the cold light of day.  I understand your world has been shaken up in more ways than one and I also understand you're human.   You need time to simply heal, not just physically but mentally.  You're an intelligent guy.  You know that too."
"Before all this started I used to rely on myself .... now I'm doubting myself over every little decision."
"So your self confidence took a knock but it will come back.  It will just take time," Jimmy acknowledged before continuing shrewdly, "what you need to accept though is that the fact you accepted help doesn't mean you're weak.  It means you were smart enough to know you couldn't deal with something on your own.  Nothing wrong in that."
"Sounds easy when you put it like that," Jay stated with a sigh, surprised his friend had worked out what his real concern was without him voicing it, "but it's not like I can flick a switch and get back to the old Jay."
"Who says you have to?"

Precinct

Will had been surprised by the Units' calm acceptance of his siblings' resignation.  The men did not appear to be too concerned over it but it was only after they were talking about the matter for a while it dawned on him why they were so laid back.  They didn't really think Jay was going to follow through and leave.  That realization would have given him relief and also hope except for one thing.  The conversation he had with the younger man had left no room for doubt.  Jay had been adamant that it was time to move on and there was no going back.   Any arguments about making rash decisions had been firmly rebuffed.  Going over the conversation with the men now he aired his worry.

"He was quite clear the decision was final."
"We'll get him to change his mind," Kevin insisted, "don't blame the guy for wanting to walk away but that's just not Jay."
"Agreed," Al joined in, "but we're going to have to thread carefully."
"We can do that," Adam nodded vigorously, he wanted this resolved as soon as possible as there was no way he was going to stand by and let his friend leave.

tbc