Tolerance Book I (Chicago PD/Med FF) by Frances51163

Chapter One Hundred and Nineteen: False Impressions

Authors' Warning:

Reference to possible suicidal tendencies - I am not in any way making light of suicide by including references to the subject. I will not be writing anything graphic about the topic but just want to warn Readers that the subject comes up.

21st Precinct

The Intelligence team members were all busy on Friday morning when Will was escorted up the stairs by Platt. Antonio looked up from the file he was reading and nodded as the Sergeant headed back down to her own domain.

"Hey Doc how's it going?"
"I want to know where he is!" the redhead ignored the question as he glanced around the open plan office.
"Don't know," Adam replied for them all knowing immediately who he was talking about for they had already discussed the matter with the older Halstead sibling.
"You think we were lying?" Al finally looked up from the form be was filling in and leaned back on his chair, folding his arms.
"I didn't ....," Will came to a halt, not realising until now how his visit might be regarded.
"Will if we knew but promised not to say anything we would tell you that," Adam explained honestly, "but we didn't know he was taking off. He just said he had a few days off and he'd be back on Monday."
"He shouldn't be by himself," Will stated quietly.
"Anything you want to share?" Hank had walked out of his office.
"What do you mean?"
"Why do you think he shouldn't be on his own?"
"Just ...... look Jay never really takes his anger or hurt out on anyone except .....,"
"Go on," Kevin urged when the medical professional stalled.
"What are you worried about?" Antonio demanded getting an uneasy feeling.
"Look I'm just worried about him."
"Will we know Jay has a strong capacity for dealing with things," the Sergeant offered, "and we all know the past few months have been hell for the Kid but are you saying we need to be ..... concerned about him being by himself?"
"Hey Sarge Jay wouldn't do anything ...," Adam was the first to grasp what Hank was insinuating Will was worried about.
"No he wouldn't," Al spoke firmly as he eyed the redhead, "if he didn't do it after Afghanistan he isn't going to do it now."
"Do what?" Mouse demanded impatiently.
"Kill himself," Antonio sighed heavily.
"Jay wouldn't do that!" Mouse insisted.
"It's complicated," Will deflated as he rubbed a hand down his face wondering if he should reveal why he was so concerned.
"Want to share Doc?" Hank invited softly.
"You said he wouldn't take his anger or hurt out on anyone except?" Kevin reminded as a prompt.
"Kevin!" Adam warned, they were not meant to be prying into their friends' life.
"The only one Jay is ever ruthless with is ..... himself," Will ignored the rebuke as he voiced the fact which was the true source of his present concern.
"You saying he might hurt himself?" Antonio asked in disbelief.
"No ..... not intentionally," Will shook his head, "but sometimes his pent up feelings become too much and then he turns that anger on .... himself."
"Like the time he hit his head in the shower?" Hank frowned.
"Yes. It's not planned but it happens."
"He's done it before?" Antonio asked doubtfully.
"Only a couple of times, that I know of anyway," Will replied.
"Will given the work we do we see a lot of things which aren't pretty," Adam looked around at his colleagues, "we all at some time or other pound on a wall or punch a fist through something. It's just a way of releasing some of the anger at a situation. Jay may get upset but in general he doesn't lose control. I really don't think you should be discussing this with us."
"What exactly are you talking about Will? What did he do? We need to know," Hank ordered, ignoring Adams' surprised look, wishing this conversation wasn't taking place but wondering if he had a mental health issue to deal with.
"It's complicated," the medical professional looked at his brothers' friends and colleagues, "one time he gave up eating ..,"
"You mean he lost his appetite," Kevin corrected.
"Yes and no. He wouldn't eat unless I made him. He lost two stone that time."
"What brought that on?" Hank wanted to know.
"It was after Mom passed. I ..... wasn't around ..... I didn't see him until four months later. He looked like a ghost."
"When was the other time? You said 'a couple of times'," Kevin checked, earning a thunderous look from Adam.
"Ye know he goes jogging?"
"Yeah."
"He used that once as a way of hurting himself. It's practically all he did, run. I couldn't get him to stop. That was after his friend died."
"How long ago was that?" Antonio frowned.
"Before he enlisted."
"Will I know you're worried about him but this," Adam gestured to the room, "you coming here and laying all this out is not right. I've given you a lot of leeway because you're his brother but this is wrong."
"Have to agree," Al nodded succinctly, "he won't ever find out about this conversation from us but we can't unhear what you just told us."
"I told ye I'm worried about him and ye asked," Will defended allowing his irritation to show, "I don't want him to get hurt! I'm trying to look out for him."
"With you there seems to be a thin line between looking out for your brother and wanting him to do things your way," Hank pointed out bluntly, "you're right to be concerned about him, hell we all are, but he's a grown man and in your zeal to make up for past wrongs you're causing more harm, intentional or otherwise."
"Well if that's the way ye want to be fine!" Will stormed off.
"Who are you calling?" Hank noted Adam dialling a number on his cell.
"Conor. He needs to set Will straight before Jay comes back."
"Good," the Sergeant gave his approval as he walked back into his office and closed the door.

Unaware of the turmoil his brother was causing in his absence Jay sat on the top step of the small log cabin and looked around the isolated location as the forecast rain began to fall lightly. Nature always had a way of helping him regain his equilibrium when life kicked him in the teeth. It proved to be a reminder that despite all the bad things in the world there were also good things such as beautiful snow capped hills and ancient trees which spoke of natures' longevity. He owed Kelly big time for telling him about this place. He wished he could have told his brother and friends where he was going but feared if he did his quest for solitude would have been destroyed. His friends might have respected his desire to be alone but his brother would not have. Unfortunately he had learnt the hard way with his sibling that once he got an idea in his head and it seemed logical to him then it was practically impossible to change his opinion. Sometimes the young Detective wondered how the two of them were related as they were complete opposites in many ways. Years before his brother had got it into his head that he was starving himself, simply because he had lost weight by the time the older man decided to visit, long after their mothers' passing. He had tried explaining that he was not starving himself but his words fell on deaf ears. In the end, simply for a quiet life, he had started eating meals with Will just so he would be satisfied that he was eating enough. Of course as soon as Will took off he went back to his normal appetite. Will had seemed to overlook the fact that he never had a big appetite and that wasn't going to change any time soon. It was the same thing when Will found out he was jogging more than usual after a friend died. It helped him to deal with the loss but again his older brother decided it was the wrong thing for him to do. Although he did exercise the Doctor had never taken up jogging. The fact that he knew nothing about it however had not stopped him from demanding his sibling cut back. Sighing Jay wondered why he was thinking of those times now. He shook his head ruefully. He knew it was because he had decided it was time to have a proper heart to heart with his older brother when he returned to the city. Looking up at the slowly darkening skies he figured he could get a quick walk in before the rains transformed into a torrential downpour. He shrugged off thoughts of what Will would say if he saw him. He was too old to worry about his brothers' opinion he chided himself as he stood up and walked down the steps zipping up his waterproof jacket. This felt right. The rain a familiar companion he loved, he'd take it over the sun any day of the week.

tbc