Tolerance Book I (Chicago PD/Med FF) by Frances51163

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty-Two: Indecision

The following morning Hank sat in his office trying to think of a way to stop his young Detective from making a serious mistake. The Sergeant had known the man was wrestling with demons but had not expected to be given a letter of resignation.

"Halstead you know and I know the worst time to make any major decisions about your future are when things are tough. It's not always easy to see the wood from the trees. I know you've been through a lot and I can even understand the impulse to walk away but it isn't the answer. You've come though so much. Don't fall at the last hurdle."
"Look Sarge I appreciate what you're saying," Jay shifted uncomfortably on his chair facing the older man, "but I've thought about this."
"So what are you going to do if you're not going to be a Cop?"
"Not really sure," Jay shrugged nonchalantly trying to convince himself this was the right move for him.
"You just got done telling me you had thought about this decision," Hank countered as he picked up the letter before him, "I'm giving you two weeks off. Medical Leave. No arguments ....,"
"Sarge ....,"
"No arguments," Hank repeated firmly as he rose and shoved the letter into a drawer signalling an end to the argument, "get out of here and consider your position carefully. We need you in this Unit. Won't be the same without you."
"Yes Sarge," Jay stood and offered his hand, "I'll be back in two weeks."
"With an answer I want," Hank added a caveat as they shook hands and he watched his subordinate walk out after saluting his friends in the open plan office.

Adam eyed his friends' slumped shoulders as he descended the stairs. As soon as he heard the security gate closing he eyed the Sergeant who definitely wasn't looking happy.

"What's going on?"
"He finally agree he's not feeling well?" Antonio checked hopefully.
"I've given him two weeks' Medical Leave," Hank paused before continuing, "it was either that or accept his resignation."
"His resignation!" Kevin voiced his surprise.
"Damn. Never thought he'd resign," Adam admitted.
"Well we have two weeks to convince him he can't," Al noted purposefully, "so any ideas?"
"Why resign now when things have been sorted?" Antonio queried with a frown.
"Maybe he's worried that someone else from his past will target him again."
"I don't think this is as much to do with the Kid as it is to do with us," Hank spoke thoughtfully, "now that everything has quietened down he's thinking of protecting us again."
"Yeah that sounds like Jay," Adam concurred after a brief silence, "he's always been self reliant and since the attack at Med he's been forced to rely on us. Something he obviously hated doing."
"It's not going to be as simple as telling him we know he would do the same for us," Al observed unhappily, "we're going to have to convince him."
"Well for now get back to work," Hank instructed with a heavy sigh.

Chicago Med

Will sighed as he put down his cell in the break room and looked across at Conor who was making himself a much needed coffee.

"That was Adam. Jay just handed in his notice."
"Damn."
"Voight told him he was giving him a fortnights' Medical Leave so he could think about it."
"We all know he hasn't been happy," the Surgeon stated.
"He loves his job," the redhead shook his head, "if he's resigning it's because he's worried about getting his friends hurt down the line."
"You think there's someone else after him?"
"No but knowing Jay he thinks it's a possibility. He doesn't remember all the kids he had problems with in school."
"We both know he's been carrying a lot of guilt for putting us out even though we told him there was no problem," Conor offered, "but this is the first time he's had a chance to take stock of everything."
"I hate his job," Will confessed, "I've lost track of the amount of times he's been hurt and I've seen him crushed by a case more times than I want to remember but it is Jay. He loves that job. Not sure what he'd do without it."
"He needs to make a decision about this himself."
"You saying I should just let him make a massive mistake and not say anything?"
"Nope. I'm saying when he talks to you listen rather than trying to persuade him. In the end it needs to be his choice. Hopefully fourteen days will be enough time for him to make the right choice."
"Hell I can't remember when life wasn't so complicated," Will complained, "this doesn't have a quick fix."
"No it doesn't which is why we'll be there for him in the long haul."

Millennium Park

Jay sat on a bench trying to forget his congested thoughts but it was proving impossible.
Handing in his resignation was supposed to solve his problems but really it hadn't changed a thing. Although Voight hadn't accepted it he had expected to feel some relief. Instead he felt uneasy and restless. He knew there was no quick fix to the way he was feeling but truly wished there was. If he was being honest he had expected Voight to give him time to think about the matter. He might not have known how much time the man would give him but he had known his resignation would not have been accepted immediately. What surprised the young Detective however was that he now found himself contemplating the decision again although he had been certain he was making the right move when he had typed the letter. Indecision. That's what it came down to. Ever since his life was taken out of his control he had been wracked with indecision and that burnt him deep in his very soul for he had spent years honing his tolerance and self control. The long testing months gone by had steadily stripped away those hard fought for abilities and he was left feeling vulnerable in a way which he wasn't sure how to deal with. Rubbing his temple absently over his sunglasses he sighed at the ever present headache. Too little food and sleep was feeding his headaches he knew. It seemed like he was still riding the rollercoaster he had been on since the attack and yet that was wrong. Things had been resolved, in as much as they could have been anyway, and yet peace had failed to soothe his concerns. He eyed a young boy laughing as he played with a bright yellow and red kite under the protective gaze of his parents and wished he could know that innocence again. When life was simple and he knew nothing of 'bad men'. He would give anything just to be able to enjoy a day again through a childs' eyes. Shaking his head he pushed such thoughts from his mind knowing they were futile and would not accomplish anything. He had some serious thinking to do. He wondered how long it would take for Will to find out. That thought caused him to frown. Hell his older brother would be happy he had left his dangerous line of work. He had informed him of that opinion on plenty of occasions. Then again he had always just ignored the redhead. Deciding to get it over with he took out his cell and dialled, almost willing his sibling not to answer ....

tbc