Tolerance Book I (Chicago PD/Med FF) by Frances51163

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty-Four: Time To Regroup

"Who says I have to?" Jay quietly repeated his friends' question.
"Well?" Jimmy prodded.
"Guess nobody," the weary Detective finally admitted.
"Look Jay the truth is some experiences we go through do change us but that's normal.   You're not alone in feeling adrift when your world has been shattered and yes you are a different person but only in small ways.  The integral part of you will always remain the same and you will always be a good man."
"Listen Jimmy it's good to see you but I was getting ready to leave," Jay rose as he spoke.
"Where are you going?"
"Just somewhere for some peace and quiet."
"You don't know where you're going yet," the older man stated rather than asked as he got to his feet and headed into the kitchen where he made short work of rinsing his mug, "so how about coming with me."
"Jimmy ......,"
"You'll have all the peace and quiet you want.  I give you my word."
"I couldn't put you out.   It ....,"
"There you go again making false assumptions.  I told you before I wanted you to visit.  I meant it.  When have you ever known me to say something and not mean it?  It will be nice to spend time with you and Diego will be delighted to see you again.  What do you say?"
"Guess you won't accept a rain check?
"You're right," Jimmy sensed his friend wavering so spoke determinedly, "so let's get you packed."

21st Precinct - Two Days Later

"Damn it!  I knew I should have gone around to Jays' place straight after work the other night," Adam half shouted in frustration as he slammed his fist on the desk before him and shoved away the file he was supposed to be working on, relieved that at last it was the end of the work day with no overtime to be put in.
"Stop beating yourself up," Al gave the instruction he had been repeating ever since they realized their friend had skipped town.
"He's okay," Antonio insisted, "can't blame him for wanting some alone time."
"We were giving him time to himself," Adam argued, "we didn't press him to go to Mollys or to come to poker nights.  If anything we overdid letting him be by himself."
"Guys he's a grown man," Kevin joined in as he put away the form he had just completed, "and he's the best judge of what he needs.  Give him some time.  The break might do him good.  Give him a chance to reconsider his resignation."
"Or it might make him decide to leave," Adam sighed unhappily.
"The Kid doesn't really want to leave," Al offered confidently, "he loves this job.  He just needs time to get back on an even keel.   When he does he'll accept this is where he belongs."
"Sure hope you're right," Adam stood and grabbed his jacket, "what food are ye bringing tonight?"
"Well since you're hosting we know you have plenty of junk food," Kevin explained, "so I'll bring some healthy stuff and ...,"
"Beer!" Antonio and Al finished together.
"Maybe the beer is why ye keep losing," Kevin chided before continuing smugly, "not that I'm complaining.  I've been saving really well lately."
"That's going to change tonight," Hank had been listening to the tailend of the conversation, "I'm feeling lucky."

Evanston - Four Days Later

Jay sat at the dining table with the Ortega family revelling in the feeling of family.  It had become obvious how close the Ortegas were as each night they sat down over a meal and discussed the events of the day.  He envied Diego for the Halstead house had catered for meals before his mother passed but they were fraught with worries of doing something to incur the wrath of Halstead Senior.  Putting down his knife and fork the young man groaned and rubbed his stomach.

"Maria I'm going to leave here without any clothes that fit."
"You look like a ragdoll.  Some food is good for you."
"Some yes but you only give me big portions," Jay pointed out with a smile.
"Well you eat it," Diego put in as he took a sip of water gesturing to his new friends' empty plate.
"Can't stop once I start.  Your Mom's a great Cook."
"She sure is," Jimmy agreed and leaned over to plant a kiss on his wifes' cheek.
"And of course she's also something else," Jay winked mischievously at the blushing woman.
"Go on," Jimmy ordered suspiciously.
"She's patient. Must be to have married you!"

Two hours later Jay sat outside on the wraparound porch with Jimmy in what had become a nightly ritual taking in the night skies' starry display.

"So have you made any decisions?"
"Still think it's best to resign," Jay had told his friend of his intention shortly after his arrival.
"We didn't really talk about it the other night.  Why exactly is it best for you to walk away from a job you obviously love?  And I know you.  You put your heart and soul into the work.  You wouldn't have stayed there for long if it wasn't something you are passionate about."
"I do love it," Jay conceded, "but I can't be selfish.  I'm not in the correct headspace at the moment and in my job that gets someone dead."
"You?"
"Anyone."
"I know you're not worried about yourself.  So you're concentration isn't what it should be.  Take a leave of absence but don't walk away."
"I can't ask for a leave of absence when I don't know when ..... or if I will be fit to return."
"You've never been a pessimist Jay," Jimmy pointed out seriously, "a realist definitely but never a pessimist.  I can understand things look bleak right now but it will pass.  The sad thing I've learned about life is that the good times seem to go by so quickly but the bad times seem to linger on, at least for a lot of people.  I know you aren't feeling sorry for yourself, even though you have every right to, but your concern for everyone else is over-riding your common sense."
"That your professional opinion Doc?" Jay asked without rancour.
"Nope, I'm not a Counsellor, but it's my opinion as your friend.  Someone who knows you very well."
"Wish life was easy."
"We all do," Jimmy nodded in agreement as he stood up picking up the two empty beer bottles they had demolished, "you think about what I said.  You have a lot to lose if you walk away.  I'll see you in the morning."
"Thanks Jimmy."
"No thanks needed."

Jay yawned as the door closed and he was left to his solitude.  He liked this time of night when the clear skies could be seen displaying sparkling jewels.  Such views were impossible in a bustling metropolis like Chicago.  He thought over Jimmys' words and understood they made sense.  Trouble was that he was warring with himself.  Half of him wanted to walk away and the other half wanted to stay with the Unit.  Leaving the Unit would be a hard task if he followed through on his resignation.  He knew Voight wouldn't have processed his letter yet so he still had a way back.  Shaking his head he rose and decided to sleep on it.  One thing he knew for certain.  He needed to make up his mind once and for all and whatever avenue he chose would be the final one.

tbc

Authors' Note

Thanks to everyone who has stuck with the story.  It is much appreciated.  Still have some things to deal with but will write as much as I can.