Tolerance Book I (Chicago PD/Med FF) by Frances51163

Chapter Thirty-Two: Christmas Past

The orange and red flames danced in the ornate marble fireplace between the two brothers. Jay had only allowed his anguish over his mothers' passing to show for a couple of minutes before he pulled out of his brothers' embrace apologizing for getting upset. Will had reluctantly returned to his armchair and watched sadly as his younger sibling quickly brushed away the tell tale signs of his distress.

"You have nothing to apologize for Jay.  It's okay to be upset."
"Didn't want you to see me like that," Jay focussed on the fire again.
"Hey it's only me.  I want to be there for you when you're upset."
"Yeah well you won't need to be again."
"You know how you're going to deal with the old man?" Will asked softly as he changed the conversation to an even harder subject.
"Dunno," Jay shrugged nonchalently.
"Jay I've been wracking my brain since the attack trying to work out why he was looking for you again," Will sighed, "but I can't come up with anything."
"Guess I'll find out."
"We'll find out," the Doctor corrected, "you think it has anything to do with Christmas?"
"Dunno."
"Jay look at me," Will urged the younger man to heed him, "please."
"What?" Jay asked in exasperation finally pulling his gaze from the fire.
"Christmas."
"How the hell do I know? I'm not a mind reader."
"I know.  It just struck me that he used to be worse at Christmas.  Well that I knew of anyway," Will amended.
"He hasn't gone after me before at Christmas."
"Not since you were 17."
"Forget it."
"We should tell Voight."
"There's no need.  It doesn't mean anything."
"You told me before that sometimes the smallest little detail can be a stepping stone to a clue which leads to a culprit."
"Will!"
"Jay I know you don't like talking about things but it might mean something."
"And it mightn't."
"We're only a couple of weeks away from Christmas.  Maybe it means something," Will was like a dog with a bone, "I could tell them what happened if you want."
"I don't 'want'!" Jay stood angrily and headed off ignoring his brothers' call after him.

Deciding he needed some air Jay went out the front door after retrieving a jacket.  He walked around to the back of the house deciding to explore.  He noticed two of the workers were removing shutters from one of the vans.  He watched them silently for a few moments and shook his head.  He just knew they were Cops. He kept his realization to himself.  In order to avoid the two men he decided to head towards the treeline where grey waters could be seen through a break in the trees.  Reaching the gap Jay was surprised but glad to find steps down to a jetty.  A small dingy was tied up at the end of the walkway but he paid it little attention.  Mainly because he knew at least one of his friends would be watching his movements on the monitors to ensure his safety.  He forced himself not to look around in search of camera locations.  He really did appreciate everyones' help but he felt like a prisoner.  Opting to sit down on the wooden planks at the start of the jetty he stifled a yawn and rubbed his eyes.  He ignored the chill as he admired the view.  He wasn't much of a swimmer but he always liked the waterfront. Found it calming in fact but today his restless thoughts would not let him relax as he went over possible scenarios in his head.  Maybe Will was right about Christmas.  The Christmas when he was 17 years old was marred by the diagnosis of their mothers' illness.  She had spent Christmas in hospital.  That event led to the worst attack from his father that he had ever endured.  Will didn't know the full facts and he wasn't going to enlighten him.  Although he had been hurt before during the holidays the abuse he took that year very nearly led to him giving up on life.  Another thing he was not going to share with his brother.  Yes Will knew he broke two ribs but the reason Will considered it the worst was that their father hadn't allowed Jay out of his bedroom for five consecutive days, not even to avail of the bathroom facilities.  Jay had been beaten and dragged upstairs where he was roughly thrown on his bed and had heard the key being turned in the dooroom before he had a chance to do anything.  Hah!  The young man shook his head derisively.  As if he could have done anything by that stage to stop the man!  Will had been out when the attack took place and when he returned was warned not to go near his brother.  Jay remembered Will coming to the door the first time their father had gone out.  He had been so relieved thinking he would be able to get out and use the toilet and maybe get some anadin or anything at all to blunt the pain.  Turned out the key wasn't in the lock.  Will had insisted he be told what injuries he had.  At first Jay had been tempted to say he was fine but realised his sibling wouldn't buy it.  In the end he informed him of two broken ribs.  He neglected to add a broken arm, contusions over most of his lean frame and a forming black eye.  One thought kept going through the pale mans' mind as he recalled those dark days when life seemed impossible to survive.   What had he done?  Shaking his head he startled when there was a sound close behind him.  Turning around he found Adam and Conor watching him worriedly.  His heart skipped a beat.

"Is something wrong?" he went to get up but a hand on his shoulder stopped him.
"No. There's nothing wrong," Adam sat down by his friend, "just thought you might like some company."
"Didn't realize we were literally beside Lake Michigan," Conor spoke easily as he nimbly sat down on the Detectives' other side.
"Well we are on the North Shore," Jay put in trying not to show his frustration at the loss of his solitude.
"So what did you mean?" Adam asked after a moments' silence.
"What are you talking about?"
"When we came down a couple of minutes ago you were saying something like 'what did I do?'" Conor elaborated keeping his gaze on the cold waters.
"Nothing," Jay sighed internally, they had been there a couple of minutes and he never noticed their arrival.
"Jay what your father did is on him solely.  It had nothing to do with anything you did or didn't do," Adam put in knowingly, "no child ever deserves to be hurt."
"Ye swim?"
"Yeah," Conor went along with the detour, "always loved spending time on the lake as a kid with my sister."
"I can swim but only in pools," Adam grinned, "the sea is too damn cold.  How about you?"
"Never really swam much."
"Isn't that a requirement for a Ranger?" Conor wondered with a raised brow.
"Didn't say I couldn't," Jay didn't address the question as a shiver went through him and he sneezed.
"Think I'll head back," Adam got up, "too cold for me down here.  You coming?"
"Yeah might as well," Jay said around another sneeze appreciating being given a choice rather than an ultimatum.
"Good cause if you get a cold your brother will kill me," Conor chided as he got up.
"Don't tell me you're afraid of Will?" Jay went along with the teasing as they walked back up the garden.
"You aren't?" Conor asked then felt a pang of regret recalling the conversation in the library.
"Nope."
"Good I'll hide behind you then!".
"Me too!" Adam joined in.
"Hell anyone would think I was bigger than ye."
"Hey what's that supposed to mean?" Adam looked affronted as they arrived at the back door.
"Whatever you want it to mean," Jay said innocently as he opened the door.
"He means you're too big to hide behind him Doc," Adam decided tossing a wink at the Surgeon.
"Funny I thought he was talking about you."

tbc