Tolerance Book I (Chicago PD/Med FF) by Frances51163

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty-Seven: Challenges

Authors' Note

I'm not quite sure what happened but Chapter 156 was published with part missing. I have now added more to that chapter so before reading below you might read the section in Chapter 156 from half way down where Will tells Jay he cares about him. Sorry about confusion. This chapter took longer to post as Wattpad kept losing work I had saved - good thing I'm placid ha ha!!

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"Reckon you can tell me what really went on," Will persevered even though it was clear his brother was not going to willingly divulge any details of his traumatic childhood, "you owe me the truth. You kept so much to yourself when we were kids but I'm your older brother. You don't need to protect me any more."
"Give it a rest," Jay ordered, unable to keep the plea out of his voice, resenting the older mans' persistence even though he understood it, "there's no point in rehashing things. Won't change anything."
"Talking might actually help you Jay and I know you find it hard talking about those times but you've never really spoken to anyone about what you went through. It might help."
"You been talking to Voight?"
"No but I'm guessing he wants you to talk to someone. You had to know that was coming man."
"Guess I didn't want to face it," Jay reluctantly confided in a near whisper as he leant back against the kitchen counter, "too many people know what happened as it is."
"So one more won't make a difference," Will observed mildly before stating resolutely, "you're not one to walk away from a challenge Jay. I know that and so do you."
"Maybe I'm tired of challenges."
"You're not a quitter either," the redhead pointed out seriously, "I don't blame you for wanting to forget about things and push them to the back of your mind but you need to deal with what happened to you."
"I did deal with it."
"No, you survived it but you never really dealt with it."
"What the hell do you know?!" Jay finally raised his voice, unable to conceal the anger he felt by being pressured.
"Not a lot. You haven't told me much," Will countered evenly, unwilling to become upset, "which you can remedy now."
"I'm not telling you anything more," the Detective insisted as he walked back into the living area and sank down on the couch, "you were never meant to know everything that went down with the old man."
"And who decided that?"
"There's no need for you to know every little thing. We've been through this before."
"Firstly nothing that happened to you was 'little' and secondly why shouldn't I know? You're my kid brother, I have a right."
"Says you."
"Yeah," Will concurred as he sat down beside his brother seeing up close the physical toll the whole situation was having on him, "says me. If the roles were reversed you'd want to know and you're forgetting my work. Nothing you tell me is going to shock me. It will probably upset me but it won't shock me and I'm not going to change my view of you. What the old man did may have strengthened some qualities you have like tolerance but it doesn't define you Jay. You're a good man and that's something he could never take from you, ever."
"I've had to deal with a lot recently," Jay decided to try another way to put his brother off his quest for information, "going over things only brings up bad memories. They belong in the past."
"I agree but they won't stay in the past until you really deal with them," Will reiterated, "does Voight have someone in mind for you to talk to? Dr. Charles would be glad to see you."
"Do you ever give up?" Jay demanded without ire, he was just too tired to continue arguing.
"Not when it's important."
"He wants me to talk to Sam."
"Well he'd probably be a good choice given his background," Will mused thoughtfully, "the guy you spoke to before was a Vet also. You got on well with him."
"Should be my choice if I want to talk to someone."
"You have someone else in mind?"
"I meant I should have the choice of whether or not to talk in the first place," Jay tossed his sibling a disgruntled look knowing he was being deliberately obtuse.
"You do have a choice."
"Sure I do. I either talk to Sam or else I lose my job."
"You were willing to resign before," Will reminded, "but we both know how much the Unit means to you. Why don't you just give Sam a chance? If you don't you're probably going to regret it down the line."
"Not sure I can," the younger man hesitantly admitted keeping his gaze on the carpet.
"You're the strongest guy I know Jay. You set your mind to something you can do it, no matter how hard it may seem."
"How about we talk about something else?"
"Sure anything you want."
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Two days later Jay stood outside the clinic where Sam had his practice. He had finally decided, after much internal debate, to talk to the Counsellor once. That would have to satisfy the Department and more importantly Voight. He hadn't been overstating the situation with Will when he said that his job was on the line. Of course Voight hadn't actually said the words but then again he didn't have to. Jay knew he needed to man up and face what was coming but that knowledge did not provide any comfort. He felt as if he had been pushed into a corner with little room to manoeuvre. Eyeing the sprawling one storey light blue painted building he frowned. Most clinics and medical centres were a standard white in keeping with a sterile environment. As the last vestiges of daylight seeped from the skyline and street lights came on he glanced at the time on his cell. He had been sitting in the car park for over an hour he realized. So much for facing things!

On his part Sam had seen the young Detective pull up as his office overlooked the car park. His relief had soon turned to concern when it became obvious his saviour of many years ago was not going to call in easily. He had considered going out to encourage the reluctant man but knew in the end the decision could only be made by him. Knowing patience was a crucial aspect of any counselling Sam had busied himsel with paperwork while keeping an eye on the black truck. Now as people began to tidy up at the end of the work day he wondered if he should stay or go outside. Such ruminations were cut short as he noted the truck was now empty and he caught a quick look of Jay as he headed towards the entrance. Glad the first step had been taken the Counsellor went back to the file had had been working on hoping Voight was right that he could indeed help. If he couldn't there was a lot at stake, not just a mans' career but also his life. He didn't believe Jay was suicidal but he had been a Counsellor long enough to know there were no certainties. He was determined to make sure the other man got through the rough patch and fully reclaimed his life. It wasn't going to be easy but it would be worthwhile in the end, of that he had no doubt.

tbc