Tolerance Book I (Chicago PD/Med FF) by Frances51163

Chapter Twenty-Two: Pending the Profile

Hank and Al drove a withdrawn Jay down to the 21st after he had finally agreed to eat a small lunch. Dr. Charles was waiting when they arrived and once upstairs Jay escorted the Psychiatrist to the garage downstairs. Hank had suggested they use an interview room but the injured man had declined as he was afraid his boss might decide to listen in.  Not that he voiced such fear.  Hank had taken the refusal in his stride instinctively understanding the reasoning behind it.  His Detective had his defences up and considering the circumstances he couldn't blame him.  Once they were down by the cage and Jay had double checked the area was empty he turned to the older man who was inspecting the cage curiously.

"Should I ask?" Charles gestured to the holding pen before turning around.
"Probably not," Jay leant back against the wall by the door they had just entered through, "so tell me."
"Well you know yourself what type of man we are dealing with," Charles stated as he tapped the document in his hand, "this just sets out what he is capable of and what he may be likely to do."
"Okay," Jay accepted the words as if unconcerned but Charles knew the toll recent events was taking on the younger man.
"Have you ever spoken to anyone about what happened to you?"
"No need."
"Sometimes talking can help."
"Sure.  I know some people find it helps but I don't need to."
"Is it that you don't need to or you don't want to?" Charles probed.
"Doc you're here to give a rundown of your profile, and I appreciate you doing it, but that's all you need concern yourself with."
"I consider Will and yourself friends young man and if I can do anything to help the both of ye I will," the Psychiatrist moved a few steps closer but did not invade the other mans' personal space, "there's something else we need to discuss before we go upstairs Jay."
"What?" Jay frowned as he wearily rubbed a hand down his stubbled face, he was just so sick and tired of feeling unwell, but he would not complain about it.
"When you told me about the abuse," Charles began, noting the tensing of shoulders at the term 'abuse', "you said you don't remember the first incident fully."
"Yeah," Jay kept his gaze down for memories had been coming back to him but he did not want to discuss them.
"Jay whatever he did it was not your fault," Charles spoke gently, "you were a child."

"I shouldn't have .......,"
"Shouldn't have what?"
"It was my fault!"
"What Jay? Tell me," Charles urged.
"I stayed at home from school that day."
"Because you were sick."
"If I had gone to school nothing would have happened."
"Tell me."
"I remember," Jay hesitated before taking a deep breath, "it came back to me.  What happened ..... the first time."
"He hurt you."
"He got mad.  It was my ....... fault.  I threw up on the bedclothes.  He came in just after and saw the mess.  I ........ I was going to clean it up ..... but I was so sick I just lay there," Jay put some distance between himself and the other man, "I know what you're thinking but .... he didn't hurt me that way."
"I'm glad but he obviously did something that caused your mind to block it out until now. Will you tell me Jay? Only you and me here."
"He ..... broke my rib but .......," Jay walked over closer to the open doors to get some fresh air.
"He did something else?"
"He ........ told me he was going ........ to do it ....... beforehand.  To teach me a lesson.  Think that was worse than the pain - the waiting you know?"
"He told you he was going to hurt you?"
"That he was going to ......... break my ..... rib."
"I'm sorry he put you through that."
"It's okay.  I got used to it."
"He always told you what he was going to do beforehand?"
"Mostly," Jay slowly turned his head to gaze at the man now a couple of feet behind him.
"He wanted to scare you Jay but that's his fault.  You have nothing to feel bad about.  You were a young child."
"Shouldn't have gotten sick," Jay shook his head angrily.
"You need to lay the blame on his shoulders.  You're totally innocent.  Can I ask you a question?"
"What?"
"If you were talking to a nine year old boy now and he told you what you just told me would you think it was his fault?"
"Course not!"
"Well cut yourself some slack," Charles suggested, "let's head back up before your Sergeant decides he wants to put me in that cage for making him wait too long."
"You reckon he would?" Jay forced a grin.
"Let's just say I don't want to put him to the test," Charles headed for the door, "in view of what you just told me my profile will be more comprehensive, that is if I can include it?
"Do you need to?"
"Well in view of the fact that he has stepped up his agenda against you I believe it is.  He may decide to target someone else to get to you.  It would be better if your team had all the facts but it's up to you."
"Okay Doc include it.  I'll be up in a few minutes," Jay spoke as he walked towards the outside needing some space to calm his nerves.
"Sure and Jay I want you to remember two things.  The first is that he was going to hurt you no matter what.  He would have given himself a reason to justify his actions."
"And the second thing?"
"My door is always open to you. Anytime."
"Thanks Doc but I think I've done enough talking," Jay scoffed.
"Well the offer is always there," Charles reassured as he headed back upstairs.

Going to the right side of the entrance Jay frowned when he heard a sound and quickly went to investigate.  Stepping into the yard he looked to his right and froze.  Standing with twin looks of guilt Will and Adam saw what little colour the other man had drain away as he fought to get words out.

"Ye ...... why would ...," Jay turned away and headed back into the garage trying to calm himself down.  He felt as if he was going to pass out.  Damn!  He wanted to hide, get away from the two men he heard following.
"Jay you need to sit down," Will quickly caught his siblings' arm and guided him to a chair, "just take some deep breaths," Will coached as he crouched down in front of his brother holding onto his arms.
"Go ........ away!"
"Deep breaths," Will ignored the order.
"Leave!"
"Jay we didn't know you were down here.  I picked Will up," Adam crouched down beside his friend.
"Heard ......,"
"Yeah we did," Adam admitted with a heavy sigh, "just wish you knew you could talk to us about this.  You know we care about you."
"Shouldn't ..... have listened."
"You're right Jay but when we heard ye talking we couldn't just turn away," Will explained placing a hand under the lowered chin and lifting it gently, "you're my kid brother.  I know I wasn't there for you before but I promise I am always going to be there for you in the future."
"No need," Jay shook his head as his breathing finally evened out.
"Jay we just want to help," Adam looked at his friend thoughtfully, "like you would help us if we needed it."
"How do you know I would?"
"Because you're a good friend."
"And brother," Will added with a smile.
"Still shouldn't have listened," the healing man was not ready to let them off the hook just yet.
"Tell you what. To make up for it dinner is on us tonight," Will offered.
"Hey now you're mighty easy with my money!" Adam complained with mock indignance.
"You want him to forgive us?" the Doctor countered.
"Course."
"Well then shut up and let him pick what takeout he wants," Will spoke wisely, "believe me you don't want him getting payback."
"Sure, sure.  Whatever you want Jay," Adam changed his tune quickly.
"I'll let ye know," Jay decided as he stood up and headed for the door up to the office.
"And you'll forget about payback?" Will checked trailing behind.
"I'll think about it."
"Ah hell!" Adam dreaded to think what his friend would come up with as penance.

tbc