Tolerance Book I (Chicago PD/Med FF) by Frances51163

Chapter Eighty-One: Unexpected Memories

As the day before the undercover operation dawned Adam found Jay in the bedroom  staring out the window at the dull morning scene.  He frowned as he noted his friend seemed to be in a world of his own for he hadn't acknowledged his entrance.

"Hey man.  You're up early," the worried Detective walked over and stood beside the injured man, "couldn't sleep?"
"Wasn't tired," Jay replied quietly as he rubbed his aching temple.
"You want some breakfast? Kevin and Antonio are on duty this morning so you're safe from my cooking."
"No thanks.  I'm good."
"You having doubts about going under?"
"Yeah," Jay admitted after a brief pause.
"It's always dangerous .....,"
"It's not that.  I'm worried about Johnny.  He's very nervous."
"He knows what he's getting into," Adam offered, scolding himself for he should have known Jay wouldn't be worrying about himself.
"I know.  I made it clear he wasn't being forced into doing anything.  Don't think Voight was too happy with me."
"But he agreed to do it."
"Yeah he did.  I just wish it was for the right reason."
"What am I missing?  Isn't he doing it to get a shot at a new life?"
"He is I guess it's just," Jay finally looked away from the outside world, "I could tell he's terrified.  Not sure he's going to be able to keep it together when we get to the warehouse," Jay referred to the large warehouse on Lincoln where Petrocelli was currently storing weapons.
"Well Jackson Senior is definitely not suitable for bringing you into the operation.  He'd turn you over the minute ye got there."
"I know that.  I trust Johnny.  He won't sell me out."
"You're absolutely positive about that?" Adam brought up the topic which they had discussed at length when Voight laid out his plan to take Petrocelli down.
"I'd bet my life on it."
"You are," Adam stated solemnly looking at his friends' pinched features and bruised eyes betraying the fact that he was dealing with yet another headache, "and you look like hell by the way."
"All part of my disguise as a down on his luck drifter."
"Sure! Of all the times we catch a break on Petrocelli," Adam shook his head in disgust.
"He needs to be taken down."
"And you my friend need some food and painkillers."
"I'm f...,"
"You look this bad in the morning and Sarge will call things off."
"Damn," Jay knew the Sergeant would do exactly that, "come on. Maybe I can persuade Kevin to do some pancakes."
"I already asked him," Adam grinned as he followed his friend to the door.

The kitchen as usual looked like a bomb had exploded.  It turned out of all the men in the group Jay and Hank were the only ones who actually liked to keep things neat and tidy. Both cleaning as they went along, hating to have a pile of ware and utensils piled up after a meal was prepared.  Coming in second in the tidy stakes were Conor and Ethan. None of the others even tried to pretend they cared about neatness except on the rare occasion they let Jay cook because no one wanted to annoy the young man in any way with everything else he was dealing with.  Not that Jay noticed any of this.  He was so distracted by other things lately that he had even failed to voice an objection to his name being taken off the cooking rota.  Kevin turned away from the frying pan to greet the newcomers.

"That's the last time I send you on a retrieval mission," the Detective chided tossing a glare at Adam before he turned back to the oven and casually tossed a pancake, "won't be long Jay.  Saved the last two for you."
"Thanks," the pale man frowned as he took down a glass and checked his pocket for his meds, "be back in a sec."
"What's wrong?" Conor asked quietly as he walked over with his empty cereal bowl and unobtrusively assessed his patient sending a look to Adam for some privacy.
"Nothing."
"Good. Why don't you take a seat and I'll get some painkillers for you okay?" the Surgeon kept his voice low so the men at the table couldn't hear and Kevin pretended he couldn't.
"No need I'll ....,"
"Take a seat and eat these before they get cold," Kevin walked up behind the Detective and winked at the Surgeon over his shoulder.
"Be back in a minute," Conor assured the young man as he walked out before any protest could be given.
"So Kid you okay for tomorrow?" Hank had watched the scene between the three men unfold and after observing his injured subordinate could guess what was said.
"Yes," Jay sat down beside Adam who was busy demolishing a pancake Conor had relinquished to him, "I want to talk to Johnny later.  Need to make sure he's still okay."
"We need him to get Petrocelli," Al put in as he sipped his coffee.
"Not at his expense," Jay spoke softly but there was steel in his voice.
"He knows his options," Antonio pointed out pragmatically.
"I know but if he decides to back out he's not going to be pressured," Jay looked at each Unit member resting on his Superior, "I told you that already Sarge."
"You did and I told you he got himself into this mess.  Not you.  He has to take responsibility for his choices."
"Like I said if he wants to back out he does," Jay reiterated ignoring the looks from his work colleagues and the uncomfortable glances exchanged between the civilians at the table as everyone stopped talking, "it's not up for debate."
"Really?" Hank challenged as he looked across the large table at his youngest Detective.
"Really," Jay went to put down his fork, what little appetite he had gone.
"Kid you better eat those pancakes," the Sergeant instructed losing his sterness in the process, "if Johnny goes in it will be his choice."
"Sarge," Jay acknowledged his wishes were being respected as Conor walked over and placed a glass of milk before him, subtly passing over two tablets out of sight under the table, "thanks."
"So what did I miss?" the black haired man sat down beside Will again.
"Oh nothing much," Adam commented sardonically causing Jay to punch him as normal conversation broke out around the table again.

Down at the precinct later on Jay walked into the Interview Room and looked at his old school friend.  Time had not been kind to the man.  His downhill spiral had stolen his health and as Jay had told his brother he looked as if all the life had been sucked out of him.

"Johnny they treating you alright?"
"Yeah.  You see my Dad?"
"No but he's being looked after.  I promise you," Jay assured aware of all the eyes on them from the Observation Room, "so how are you feeling about tomorrow?"
"I gotta do it," Johnny observed, "guess I knew this day was coming."
"What do you mean?"
"I never meant to wind up like this, on the wrong side of the law.  Heck remember when we were kids?  Even then I couldn't do the right thing.  You were different.  You were always so strong.  No matter what anybody ever did to you you just got back up."
"That was a long time ago," Jay tried to move the conversation away from their childhood, "you .....,"
"Seems like yesterday.  You remember the day you took on those four bullies who were picking on me?"
"I don't .....,"
"Man I can still see you warning them to leave me alone. Even when they had you on the ground and were beating you," Johnny spoke with admiration, "you were never afraid.  In fact apart from when you were telling them to leave me alone the thing I remember most about that day is your silence.  You never made a sound as they hit you and they were all bigger than you."
"Back in a minute.  I'll get you a soda," Jay rose quickly as he felt sweat breaking out all over his body.
"Jay?" Adam called after his friend as he passed the Observation Room with hurried steps.
"I got this," Hank looked from Adam to Antonio, "go talk to Johnny.  Don't let him know Jay is upset."
"Sarge maybe I should .....," Adam began.
"I'm not going to harm him Ruzek," Hank explained wrily as he headed down the corridor towards the restroom.

tbc