Tolerance Book I (Chicago PD/Med FF) by Frances51163

Chapter Seventy-Seven: Grieving Max

Two days later Forensics had confirmed there were no fingerprints on the tape.  Jay had viewed the footage as soon as Tom had returned the tape to him personally together with a DVD copy.  The older man spent thirty minutes catching up with the injured Detective before leaving the nearly deserted office.  After watching the transferred footage on the disc in a quiet Interview Room Jay knuckled his eyes.  The second concussion meant that he was left almost in constant pain from a persistent headache, not that he would ever admit it.  Adam had spoken to Tom on his way out and checked how long the footage ran for.  It comprised of ten minutes.  On that basis after bidding farewell to the Forensics Specialist he had given his friend twenty minutes to watch the recording before he headed to the Interview Room.  As he was passing the open door of the Observation Room attached to the Interview Room he caught sight of the other man through the two way mirror.  What he saw caused his steps to freeze.  Jays' back was to the glass and he was looking at the monitor in front of him, a still image which had been zoomed in on filling the screen. Adam winced as Jay put out a hand to trace the head of the mangled dog before him, as if he was petting him.  Shaking his head a voice and footsteps behind alerted him to someone coming.  Turning as he quickly pulled the door of the Observation Room closed he looked around to see Voight and Conor looking at him with twin frowns.

"Sorry Sarge.  What did you say?"
"I asked if Halstead is ready to leave."
"I'm worried he's pushing himself too much," Conor added.
"Could ye give me a few minutes with him?  He's just after watching the new footage."
"That bad?" the Sergeant asked rhetorically.
"Think we're way past 'bad'," Adam looked at the two men wondering how much to share, "Tom gave Jay the tape but he also gave him a copy of the footage he had transferred onto a disc."
"How long is it?"
"Ten minutes," the Detective sighed, "problem is with the DVD Jay was able to zoom in. He could see up close how bad Max was."
"Didn't he watch it before?" Conor was surprised.
"Not that part.  Not up close."
"Take all the time you need," Hank nodded and gestured for the Surgeon to follow.
"I'm staying until he's ready to head out. If he gets dizzy you tell me," Conor cautioned as he turned to leave, "even if he asks you not to.  I don't want to take any chances."
"Sure Doc," Adam accepted the by now familiar instruction just managing to stop himself rolling his eyes in exasperation, "we'll be out soon."

Returning to the open plan office Voight looked at the remainder of the team who had just arrived back from a raid with him.

"What did he say?" Antonio looked up from the file he was reading.
"Change of plan. We'll discuss it with him tomorrow. I don't know how he'll react."
"But Sarge ........," Kevin raised an eyebrow, they finally had a lead.
"Jay has had a bad day," Conor cut in, "what ye found in the raid can wait until tomorrow."
"What's wrong?" Mouse demanded as he came up the stairs hearing the Surgeons' words.
"Jay looked at the footage while we were out. Tom transferred it to DVD," the Sergeant explained.
"Ah man!" Mouse shook his head in disgust, understanding the ramifications of watching the footage on disc.
"Hell," Al rubbed a hand down his face , "where is he?"
"Adam is back in an Interview Room with him. It's ten before five so we all leave on time this evening. Tomorrow will be time enough to tell him what we found."
"I'm going to check on him," Mouse went to pass by the Sergeant, still fuming that all his clandestine hacking, at Voights' behest, to gather intel on various News Directors and Producers to ensure all the news stations refrained from airing the tapes had been undermined by the delivery of the tape to Mollys.
"No Mouse.  Let Adam handle it. Kid doesn't need an audience."
"But ......,"
"They won't be long," Hank pointed out, "in the meantime did you get anywhere with that new list I gave you this morning?"
"Halfway through it," the IT Specialist reluctantly turned back to Jays' desk, "I'll work from here until they come out."

As the door opened Jay looked up from the monitor and visibly shook himself to get out of his stupor.  Watching his younger self digging a grave for the mangled pet had been bad the first time, so bad in fact he had not even considered availing of the zoom options to see the past brought to life more closely.  Today though when Tom had given him the disc he knew he had to view the recording in all its' gory detail.  He figured if he saw the lovable dogs' body properly it might banish the visions haunting his dreams. After all the mind at times exaggerated things hence giving birth to nightmares which usually enhanced bad situations rather than replaying them as they had taken place in the first instance in the real world.  Unfortunately he had been mistaken.  On this occasion his nightmares had not been making a bad situation worse.  The battered, bloody remains of the innocent animal seen in his nightmares were a replica for what he had just viewed.  A voice caught his attention.

"Jay man are you alright?" Adam had walked over and sat down beside the dazed looking man without receiving any acknowledgement of his presence.
"Uh ....... yeah.  Yeah I'm good," the injured man finally tore his gaze from from the screen and made short work of closing the system down.
"You want to try that again?"
"What?"
"Try answering my question but telling the truth this time.  You're not 'good'.  In fact if you were it would mean you were unfeeling.  I know you can be dispassionate when you have to be but you're not a cold person.  It's okay to not be okay about what happened to you and Max that day."
"That mutt," Jay ducked his head with a sigh, "he hadn't a mean bone in his body.  He ........ he must have been so scared."
"He probably was," Adam concurred quietly before consciously making the decision to lie about the autopsy findings which confirmed the death blow had only taken place at the end of the fierce onslaught, "but he probably wasn't alive after the first couple of strikes."
"Guess I should be grateful for small mercies," Jay raised his head and finally looked at the man beside him, "you think it's dumb being upset over a dog?"
"No. No I don't," Adam readily confirmed, "to be honest I never understood the whole 'mans' best friend' saying when I was growing up because we never had a dog.  It took my Nana to teach me just how important such a friendship can be.  You see after my grandfather passed away she was alone with only Buster for company.  They lived in Colorado so we rarely saw them.  Anyway Buster was a shaggy black dog with long floppy ears and soulful eyes and even I have to admit he could have passed as a soft toy, he was that cute.  He had been my grandfathers' dog but after he died Buster was a constant companion for Nana.  She had friends who called but she was alone a lot of the time ......,"
"Adam it's okay.  You don't need to finish," Jay insisted as he saw the sadness evident in the mans' eyes.
"No. I want to tell you.  Like I was saying that dog was with her 24/7.  She died four years after my grandfather.  We went to Denver for the funeral and to help clean out her house since my cousin was left it.  It was then I came across Nanas' diary.  After reading it I had a new appreciation for Buster.  You see she had been depressed after Grandad died but she found talking to Buster helped her.  She even wrote she didn't need to write in the diary as much because she could talk to him.  I finally understood that a dog isn't just a pet it's a part of the family."
"So what happened to Buster?"
"Oh my cousin Mike inherited him too.  He says it's good to share the house with someone," Adam smiled before becoming serious, "so Jay you listen to me.  It's okay to grieve for Max.  He was a part of your family.  You got that?"
"Yes Doc."

tbc