Tolerance Book I (Chicago PD/Med FF) by Frances51163

Chapter One Hundred and Ten: Waiting

To say Jay was angry with his brother over Dr. Charles would be a gross understatement. He didn't need to be told it was his siblings' idea for the Psychiatrist to visit.  Standing by the window he felt the weary tiredness borne of too much physical and emotional upheaval tugging at him. He just wanted to lie down and never wake up.  Good thing he hadn't shared that little detail with the Psychiatrist! He knew his brother and friends were surprised that he hadn't spoken about or asked questions about the service which had been arranged for tomorrow.  Hell even he knew it wasn't normal but the truth was he wasn't sure how he felt about the way things had gone down.  Once he had had time to consider things he did believe that the old man would have died irrespective of being shot but he was left with so many unresolved questions that the guilt had simply been replaced by anger.  Not that he would ever display that.  He had always been good at being calm.  He had learnt the hard way after all.  Besides the fury he felt at being denied answers for his childhood could not be directed at anyone, except himself.  Squeezing his fists closed he ducked his head as he felt blood on his palms, opening them to reveal small cuts.  He headed over to the bathroom quickly to rinse the hands under cold water. A sound at the open door had him looking up guiltily.

"Hey what happened?" Will asked gently as he walked in with a frown.
"Nothing," the younger man quickly turned off the water and went to grab a towel only to find his hands grasped in a firm hold.
"Let me see," the redhead ordered as he pulled open the fingers trying to hide the damage, "come on sit down while I clean these up."
"Will they're just scratches," Jay objected but found himself pushed onto the closed toilet seat cover despite his protests.
"They're still bleeding.  Won't take a minute," Will walked out into the bedroom and then onto the landing where he spied Adam coming out of the kitchen, "Adam get me the First Aid kit. No questions okay?"
"Sure," the Detective turned back on his errand.
"I'll have you sorted in no time," Will informed his brother a short while later once the kit had been delivered by Adam who kept his word and delivered the requested item then departed without posing questions.
"Make me sound like a damn project!" Jay groused as he held his hands over the sink as disinfectant was poured liberally over them.
"Sorry I know that stings," the Doctor apologised although no complaint was made and quickly applied sterile dressings to each hand and then wrapped them up.
"Is this really necessary?" Jay looked at his bandaged hands with a scowl, "seems a bit like overkill for a few scratches."
"They're deeper than scratches," Will had noted that the eight cuts went quite deep and had initially been afraid stitches might be required, "you need to keep them clean. You don't want an infection."
"No Will," Jay said dutifully in defeat, scratches were the least of his problems right now as he stood up, "guess it's dinner time."
"Jay we need to talk ..... about tomorrow."
"I'm not going," Jay advised as he headed back into the bedroom, his sibling on his heels.
"That's fine.  Maybe we can just take it easy and catch a movie or something."
"Will you don't need to stay with me.  If you want to go you should."
"Sit down a minute," Will instructed and patted the bed beside him after he sat down, "we need to talk."
"About?" the younger sibling sank down on the mattress after a brief hesitation.
"I just wanted to talk to you about the old man.  Jay you're never going to get closure and that can't be easy."
"Never expected to. End of the day what he did to me ......... there was no excuse for it so I don't need to know what he felt his reasons were.  I know I didn't deserve the things he did," Jays' voice rose slightly as he spoke the last words, clearly trying to sound as if he believed them.
"No Jay you never did," Will confirmed seeing the hurt in his brothers' eyes that he would never give voice to but which was now only showing because he was sick and exhausted, "whatever words he used to hurt you just remember they were lies.  You're the best man I know Jay.  You're my baby brother and I've always been so proud to be able to say that since we were kids."
"What are you looking for?" Jay teased trying to break the serious mood.
"Just want you to know how special you are," the redhead ignored the embarrassed look which flickered over the features across from him, "and you know I don't exaggerate."
"Will listen man I mean it," Jay ignored the compliment, "I have no problem with you going tomorrow."
"No. I've thought about it. I informed the people I could think of and they can go if they wish but I'm never going to forgive him for what he did to you."
"People will start asking questions if we don't turn up," Jay reluctantly pointed out.
"Well that doesn't bother me," Will explained as he stood up and picked up the First Aid kit "come on. We better go down before Adam loses patience with us.  Not sure if he thought we came to blows or something."
"Will there's one thing I need to say," Jay said seriously.
"What?"
"Don't talk to Charles about me any more okay?"
"I was just worried ......,"
"I know but I'm asking you."
"Okay baby brother if that's what you want," Will capitulated and led the way back downstairs.
"And don't call me 'baby'. I'm a grown man!"

The Following Day -

Once the meal was finished the previous evening Will had informed the group that neither Jay or himself would be attending the service.  The announcement was met with nods of understanding.  Voight had asked if it would be alright for some of the Unit to attend on the off chance the guy they were after showed up. Jay had paled at the suggestion.  Not because the guy they were seeking might attend but because he hadn't even thought of such a possibility.  The Sergeant had been quick to point out to his subordinate that he was still unwell and recovering from the drug he had been given in LA and he had a lot on his plate.  So it was that the following afternoon Jay, Will, Adam, Conor and Ethan sat in the living room playing poker as the roaring fire brought warmth to battle the cold, damp day as most of the Unit attended the crematorium.  Voight had promised to call if anything happened but Jay was feeling uneasy as he glanced out at the heavy rains blotting out the gray skies.

"He'll ring Jay," Adam yet again assured softly as he put up two fingers signalling the amount of fresh cards he required, "he promised if anything at all happens he'll let you know."
"I should be there," Jay sighed, upon the realization that their guy might turn up he had changed his mind about attending but no amount of arguing was successful.
"They'll be back soon," Conor pointed out patiently as he dealt out two cards and then turned to Will, "how many?"
"Four."
"Guess you're losing," the Surgeon obligingly doled out the requested number as he looked at the meagre pile of sweets in front of the redhead.
"I'd have more if someone didn't keep stealing the orange ones!"
"You must be getting slow Doc," Adam winked without sympathy, "none of mine have been stolen."
"That's cause you had no orange ones to begin with! I'd like to know how I wound up with most of the orange jellybeans."
"Coincidence," Ethan said innocently for he had doled out the betting chips.
"Hah! Will scoffed stealing a glance at his brother to see if he was paying attention to the teasing and disappointed to find his gaze still on the hazy outside world.
"They'll be back soon," Conor reiterated patting the ill Detectives' shoulder, "come on. You're winning."
"Ye mind if I lie down for a bit?" Jay looked around the table awkwardly.
"Of course not," Adam replied for everyone, "you need anything?"
"Nah I'm good," Jay put down his cards and stood up, "thanks guys.  I know I'm not good company .... but .... thanks."
"Come on I'm going upstairs for a jumper," Conor rose after a look from Will, "you can make sure I don't get lost."
"Sure," Jay headed for the door wishing the Sergeant would ring but most of all wishing he just didn't feel anything anymore.

tbc