Tolerance Book I (Chicago PD/Med FF) by Frances51163

Chapter Twenty: The Price of Combat

When it became apparent after a few minutes that Jay was not going to re-appear anytime soon Lance looked at his friends and then looked at the other concerned men.

"We'd rather wait until Jay is okay to finish," it was Marks' voice which quietly broke the silence.
"Agreed," Hank sighed looking over to where Conor was leaning beside the bathroom door, "maybe you should check him Doc."
"I'll give him another few minutes," Conor shook his head, "he doesn't seem to be vomiting so he probably just needs some space."
"Whatever you say Doc," Hank agreed without rancour.
"How do ye get used to living in that much danger?" Adam asked as he stretched his legs and looked at the three men.
"You face danger in your job," Jack put in.
"Yeah but most times we get to go home at the end of the day."
"Ignorance," Lance offered up drawing surprised responses his way.
"What do you mean?" Adam stopped pacing and looked out the window as the mid morning snow began to fall in earnest before turning back to face the room.
"In some corner of your mind you never think something bad is going to happen to your friends or yourself," Mark elaborated, "yes you know there's a chance of something bad happening but if you dwelled on that you'd never get out of your cot!"
"The mind is a wonderful machine," Conor added sadly, "it provides safeguards all on its' own."
"Guess it does," Lance hadn't looked at it that way before.
"And there's plenty of times when you're in camp with nothing to do," Mark added, "at times there can be long periods of downtime."

"But going into battle together strengthens bonds which makes losing someone harder," Al spoke for the first time and the three ex-Soldiers looked over at him.
"The Kid told us you were a Sniper too so you know more about that side of his job than we do," Lance tactfully left the door open for the Detective to say as much or as little as he wished to.
"You become a necessary evil," Al sighed heavily, "having said that there were some guys and they were natural born killers. Now the Kid is a natural also, but he's a natural born Sniper.  There's one hell of a difference between the two."
"Must be hard to stay detached," Conor shivered at the thought of just what the 'Kid' and Al did.
"You're given an assignment and you do your job.  There's no place for debate on the matter."
"Hell the thought of a lunatic like Trump as head of the country now is downright terrifying," Adam spoke angrily.
"A dangerous lunatic," Conor rectified, "that's one thing which would put me off joining the army. You're at the whim of the people in charge."
"Damn glad we got out when we did," Jack spoke earnestly.
"I remember one time Jay had gone on an assignment," Mark recalled, "he came back four days later.  Took us two whole days to get him to talk to us.  Not about the mission or anything but simply to talk.  He looked haunted."
"Problem was Jay was so damn good with his rifle that he was sent on assignment a lot," Lance rubbed a hand through his hair and stood up "think I'll check on him."
"Let me know if you need me," Conor headed back to sit down beside Al.

Rapping his knuckles on the door Lance didn't wait for a response before opening the door and walking into the spacious blue tiled bathroom.

"Thought you'd gone AWOL Kid," the older man chided as he walked over and sank down beside his friend on the floor in front of the bath.
"Sorry."
"Nothing to be sorry for. We can stop now if you want."
"For good?" Jay winced at the plea he heard in his voice as he kept his gaze on his now scratched hands.
"Don't think your boss would be too happy if we did," Lance hedged, not missing the fact that his friend had yet to look at him.
"Guess not."
"Look Jay if you really don't want me to talk about the ambush I won't but there's something you should know before you decide."
"What?" the Detective finally raised his head and looked at the man beside him warily.
"I'm not sure if you remember but you had a flashback the night you decided to leave."
"I know I had one.  Not sure what I was remembering though."
"You were reliving the ambush."
"Which one?" Jay had given birth to the words without thinking and now he paled as realization dawned at what he had revealed.
"You were in another ambush?" Lance felt his stomach roll, his friend had never mentioned a second ambush but then again they hadn't seen him after the day of the doomed patrol until they were all stateside again.
"Tell me what I said?" Jay was panic stricken now, how could he have let that slip?
"Will - you spoke about Will and the patrol ambush," Lance quickly tried to put the other man at ease, and wasn't that a hell of a thing he thought to himself - he had to tell the pale man about one ambush to calm him about another.
"Oh," Jay was relieved, "who was there?"
"Where?" Lance was confused.
"When ..... I had the ..... flashback," Jay ducked his head in embarrassment as he tried to put the fragments of that night together.
"Think it was Adam and Conor but Jay you have nothing to be embarrassed about."
"Yeah right!"
"You think I don't have flashbacks? You think Jack and Mark don't have flashbacks to that day?"
"Do ye?"
"Yes," Lance decided to go for total honesty, "I woke up in my car one night with my gun aimed at Jane.  Another night I woke up and was after hiding in the closet."
"Damn."
"Exactly," Lance shook his head at the memory recalling his wifes' terrified features, "ye used always say she had to be a Saint to marry me.  Well turned out ye were right.  That lady has had to put up with mood swings, flashbacks and drunken behaviour but she's still with me. Can't rightly figure why."
"I do," Jay smiled wanly, "you're a good man.  Not as good as me of course, but you're a good man."
"You're just jealous," Lance teased as he got to his feet and held out a hand to the other man to pull him up, "so what do you want to do?"
"Best get it over with," Jay decided after a brief hesitation and then leant over the washbasin to rinse his face, "just thought of something."
"What?" Lance didn't like the smirk directed his way.
"You just told me you came out of the closet," the younger man grinned impishly, his problems momentarily forgotten.
"Hey now!" Lance feigned hurt.
"Just reminding you what you said."
"Very funny."

While the men were waiting for the two to emerge from the bathroom Hank was making himself a coffee when he received a phone call from Dr. Charles who informed him he had finally completed the profile and would be available in the afternoon to present it to the Unit.  The Psychiatrist had reiterated firmly however that he was going to talk to Jay about the profile first before he released it to Hank.  Although the Sergeant was not happy about it he had no choice.  Conor had already fielded two calls from an anxious Will who had threatened to return to the apartment if he was not kept in the loop.  The Surgeon had eventually convinced the Doctor that there was no need for him to leave work and had pointed out that he might be needed another time so he should stay at the hospital for now.  Conor sincerely hoped Jay would be alright after the talk about the ambush was over.

tbc