Rules.
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Coming back home was indeed weird. Just the pure demolished feeling of being carried in through the front door, looking at the place he laid in his own blood, simply just a whole week ago was sickening. The house was so quiet to the point Jeongin doubted, that anyone even existed anymore. The good thing was that the floor was cleaned, no trace of blood nor any form damage, but him of course, was seen near their eyes.
He was carried to his bedroom, that looked completely the same nonetheless, like it did a whole week ago.
As he was sat down on his bed. The first thing he could possibly think of was to sleep, but his mind was racing upon his wishes. So he just laid there, thinking about life, thinking about his parents. And thinking about how he could possible get away from all of this.
He wanted to badly get away from the Hugh standards, the neglectment, the abuse, and the chaotic neighborhood everyone claimed was peaceful and happy.
One thing it wasn't, was happy.
He wasn't happy.
Seungmin wasn't happy.
And Felix and Minho was never happy.
No one was happy in this society.
Why fit into it? You may ask.
Well, don't we all try to please the people around us? Even if they hurt us so much? Are we really happy pleasing the narcissistic people in our lives, and make them screw us over in the end?
Should we really let them take advantage of their own friends, lovers, kids?
Is that right?
No it wasn't. It's never right.
Who made us think that?
People that tells us that fucked up families are okay? That neglect is okay? That abuse and torment is okay? Manipulation? Is that really okay?
It's not okay.
We're not okay.
He isn't okay.
No one is.
But he still came back right? Cause he needed the shelter. He longed for so much love.
And now he is doubting his own self worth. Hanging onto friends and people to make him feel something, cause he feels something for each one of them. He had enough reason to just leave.
But why did he hold himself back?
Fear.
Fear was the answer.
He feared he wouldn't have parents to be by his side. He feared he had no one to rely on, to have no one by his side. He feared he'll be all alone, in his own little world, but he wanted to badly get away.
Chan, who he loved so dearly would be there for him.
He wanted to hang onto him for the rest of his life.
Maybe a little bit obsessed.
But he couldn't help it, he loved him too much.
He couldn't just let that go.
Maybe he doubted everyone so much, because he doubted himself too much.
"Innie..don't have bad thoughts alright? I'm right here, do I look like I plan on going anywhere?" Jungso asked, reassuring the younger about reality. That he was about to slip into the deep, black hole of his own thoughts.
Which seemed to be starting to appear more and more, as days went by. It appeared more intense, more hurtful..he felt like he was hurting himself.
"In a week from now, the hospital wants to see you again. To check up on your head injury, since they want to keep a close eye on it.." Jungso explained, sitting beside Jeongin on the bed.
"I feel like you're going somewhere with this.." Jeongin mumbled, looking at Jungso with a doubtful expression written all over his face.
"I think you should open up about your struggles. You're so young, Innie, don't pull yourself down even more.." Jungso smiled, patting the younger's head.
"No, I can't do that" Jeongin shook his head, closing his eyes slowly.
"Well, I think you need rest, I'll check up on you tomorrow morning..if you wonder where I'd be, I'll be in the guest room on the other side of your room" Jungso explained, leaving the younger on his own after the door shut behind his frame.
And now he was alone again.
With his own thoughts.
And with his own doubts.
But we don't like to see him that way do we?
He doesn't like to feel that way does he?
But we all can't change that. Even though one of us is the writer. Even they, can't disrupt the story that was bound to be created.
We're only now, starting to fall into this story aren't we?
Well we have a long way to go.
I, you, and we, have all entered, an unstoppable carousel.
But maybe there is a way to stop it.
Is it turning the lights on or off?
I don't know.
But you do know what I mean by that?
Right?
