Deeper.
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Tw: Self-harm.
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If it wasn't for his goddamn self, finding out the reality of these fucked up families. Then he would have never been in so much pain as he is now. Not only emotionally, but physically too. He fucked up big time tonight, but he couldn't help it. He had to somehow suppress the painful emotions and the depressive truth of who he is a son of. He didn't deserve neither of his parents, they were ruthless anyways, locking away their own child and spitting harmful words at him without reasons.
To begin with he thought it made sense. Due to his verbal reactive behaviour. But this time he did nothing to trigger his parents..then why were they so mean to him tonight? He didn't even wanna consider his mother as a good person. She wall all in throwing him away so they didn't need to live up with he responsibility of having a child. Jeongin was disgusted to say atleast. His own mother, ready to just throw him away, his own father tearing his body apart to show who has more power.
He didn't exactly want to end up like this..now he probably looks like a fucked up, mentally sick person to everybody's eyes. No one was ever going to love him now..but maybe that's what he needed? A refreshment? He didn't know, he genuinely believed he was going crazy, his head was yelling at him. Constantly trying to push him away from the thought of love, hugs kisses, and possible romance. He felt like a bad person.
Was he a bad person?
Or a victim, so deeply affected by the shit they've been through?
Either way..it definitely started to drive him insane.
And he obviously had zero control over it.
"This was not a good idea" he mumbled to himself, looking at his arms in pure horror and shock. He didn't mean to go that far. He was just to tired about everything, it had become to much..to the point he had to pick up one of the sharp kitchen knives this night..again, he did not know what he was doing. So, he obviously fucked up a little bit..too much.
You see. It was only supposed to be small scratches, something that wouldn't leave a serious scar, something that could've been hidden easily with a hoodie and a small bandaid. Nothing to serious, right?..
Well, shit went down. Cause he completely underestimated how sharp the blade of the knife was. Cutting far to deep, on his first go. Blood submerged from the white fleshed wound, painting it red within seconds on end, as it overflowed quite to quickly. Getting in the white carpet floor, and his baby blue pair of jeans and his favorite oat colored sweater. Neither of those things was their original colour, red painting over most of the fabric.
Of course any normal, sane person would just stop there..but no one, not even Jeongin knew what was happening to himself. Eventually going for a second cut, as he urged to do so..it was another mistake. Fuckinf it all up over again.
The sharp pain of the blade coming in quick contact with his skin, ripping it apart within seconds, and leaving a deep, hollow cut.
He couldn't help but to cry over pathetic he felt. Sitting on his bedroom floor, cutting through layers of skin, blood overflowing the cuts and wound son his arms. He was left absolutely speechless at himself. Crying and feeling overly stupid for ruining his once, decent body. Scarring it for the rest of his life. Jeongin couldn't help, but to go for another one.
And another one.
And it kept going, cutting up and down his arms. Painting everything his red as he felt purely miserable. He cut in any direction he could, straight across, upwards, downwards. Crossing the other cuts aswell. He couldn't stop..well yeah, that was until he couldn't quote gain the power to lift the knife anymore, eventually dropping it on the carpet floor, feeling his head spin round and round itself..nausea, and the urge to vomit, and the feeling of running out of breath despite breathing slowly and perfectly normal.
He quickly grabbed his phone. Hitting up the first possible contact he could.
Jungso.
He knew he fucked up big time, cutting himself over and over again with an extremely sharp blade. But he really couldn't help it..but he felt so guilty. Was he really made to ruin his parents life? To rely on his driver to go come and get him when he was possibly dying? He chuckled to himself as he heard the phone ring, over and over again..but no one picked it up.
He could exactly keep himself up much longer, crying to himself as he tried calling yet another person.
Hearing the phone ring and ring one end again. Jeongin was about to lose hope for real this time, trying to stay seat as much as possible. As the stupid ring tone kept ringing.
"Please.." Jeongin cried out. Almost giving up and settling for an ambulance..he didn't want to cause a scene..but it would obviously be too late now.
"Jeongin..why are you calling me in the middle of the night?" The sound of Seungmin's tired and hoarse voice could be heard throughout the phone's speakers. Lighting Jeongin's mood immediately. He didn't know what to say, now that he was in contact with someone..he was at lost for words. "Jeongin..don't play games with me! It's the middle of the fucking night and I got a fucking C on my math test yesterday..I'm not in the mood for and games, so get straight to the point!" Seungmin groaned frustrated, as he heard shuffling from the other end of the phone, making him frown slightly.
"I...fucked up.....big..time" Jeongin managed to draw out without a single stutter. Praising himself for successfully being able to speak.
"Innie..are you okay? Want me to come over?" Seungmin asked concerned, his voice surprisingly filled with worries. Jeongin didn't know that was possible, Seungmin being worried..that was something new.
"Window, o-open" he mumbled into the phone, his cuts still bleeding and dripping with red blood.
"I'm already on my way innie..just wait patiently please" Seungmin whispered, hinting that he was outside already and trying his best not to wake anyone up. "This better be an emergency innie..or else I'm gonna beat you up" Seungmin sighed to himself as he climbed the gate from his house, to Jeongin's house.
"It's more than an emergency....".
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I don't know how to feel about this chapter since I wrote it in a hurry..but yeh.
