Units.
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Upon entering the early and first stage of adulthood, struggles of course came along with it. He managed to enter a school, due to paying his way in, his application form was denied since he couldn't show his old school ID due to having to show his real identity. It was stressful having to pay his way into something that he wanted to achieve with his own hard work, and not others hard work, especially not from the ones he despised the most. He haven't seen his parents at all since that day he showed his mother out the door. Something about not being the one everyone knew kind of felt off settling. He wanted to badly just sue his parents now, but the lawyers his been in contact with, is only for use in that specific situation. The thing was, he felt kind of lost. He didn't want to open up about it to Felix because he felt like it was wrong putting all his emotions upon the older. But he really felt like talking, and if the older was up to it..he for sure would be happy.
But something seemed off with having to open up to Felix. So of course when he saw the boy come in through the door, he sort of changed the way he sat, turned the TV to another channel, and tried to keep himself busy with something. He didn't know why it felt so important to suddenly withdraw his attention away from the older, he didn't know why he suddenly felt anxious over thinking about opening up to his one and only roommate. But fortunately Felix noticed the boy's odd behavior, looking at his stiff body with suspicious eyes, Felix couldn't help but to approach him.
"What's wrong?" He immediately spoke, eyes squinted together as he looked at the boy who sat in almost full panic. Something he haven't felt in a very, very long time.
"N-nothing..just been deep in thought" he nodded bitting his lips anxiously as he kept his eyes glued to the football game on the TV.
He never watch football.
Felix sighed heavily as he grabbed the remote from Jeongin's hands, turning of the TV and placing it back on the table where it belonged. And eventually turned to the panicked boy who looked up with a confused gaze.
"There is clearly something that is bothering you..and it's about time you can rely on me too..We've been living together for months now and you've only done so much for me including listening to all my complaints and problems over and over again with no break whatsoever. Please speak to me about it...I wanna be there for you too" he spoke, his tone filled with worry and seriousness, sitting down on the soft cushions beside the younger. Showing that he was indeed present to be there for him.
"I...." he couldn't find the words..his been thinking to much about it, and it seemed to bore a hole in him. He knew all the older wanted was for him to talk to him, so that he could listen, give advice..but he wasn't so used to that.
It wasn't until Felix grabbed his hand, holding it in a supportive matter. Making the boy feel much more calm in the current moment, his breath eventually evening, which he haven't even paid attention too was uneven. He felt his heartbeat slow down his brain shutting off for a split moment.
He felt vulnerable, fragile, small.
He was vulnerable, fragile, and small.
And he wasn't going to lie to himself about it. He could get chased down easily, he could been broken so easily. And he felt small, because of the two previous factors.
"I don't know..I feel it all eating me up, like I want some form of revenge..I'm just not able to expose myself now, my first day of college is tomorrow and I don't want to be the talk of town. I don't want people to look at me as if I'm just nothing but the rich kid who was tortured by his own parents his whole life..I want them locked up in jail, everyone, they did us wrong, the treated us wrong. I want to see them suffer like we did..I want them to crave the feeling of freedom, letting it eat you alive as people have expectations for them. I want to watch them struggle to get back up on their feets. But I feel selfish for thinking about such things. I feel mean for wanting the worst for them, but they deserve it, and I hate that they deserve it" he finally let out the frustration that has been build up inside of him, spilling the liquid out of the bursting bottle that kept getting refilled when it was ready for it.
"You don't need to do anything. You have evidence right? You have evidence that they hurt you, tormented you, abused you and hell much more..me and Minho has been talking about the situation, and concluded we were going to report it soon and sue them for the amount of time of our lives we've spend in that house, following orders like lost dogs..I was about to ask you if it was okay if we took up your case too, so that you could stay anonymous and so that your parents will still be punished for their actions" Felix spoke as he looked at the boy, seeing his eyes light up in the meantime.
"You would do that for me? I mean..I could do it myself, I just don't want the spotlight to be on me" Jeongin confessed with Felix smiling at him reassuringly.
"We have to end that neighborhood innie. I have to mention that you are still alive though, but you don't need to be in the spotlight anymore, your going to stay hidden alright? After all the public hasn't seen your appearance in front of cameras for a whole year now, you look different from then" Felix spoke.
Jeongin nodded eyes tearing up about the possibilities of being done feeling hunted down by his parents.
"It's going to be alright innie..thank you for being honest with me" Felix comforted the boy, ruffling his hair.
"Jisung had bought your favorite Ramen for me to give to you..you should eat now that your calmed down".
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I apologize for the wait. A lot of things has been happening that included neglectment from the staff at my orphanage, where they had left me alone by myself for 7 hours in a row and 10 hours in total. They aren't allowed to leave a kid unnoticed for that long and me suffering from a cold at that moment made the neglect even worse. They tried covering it up by saying they had checked up on me, when I knew damn well I haven't seen a face for 7 hours in a row. I had to call my mom crying on the phone admitting how close I was to leaving the orphanage at the time, and she became overly worried about me, that she contacted the community I'm labeled under, and filed a complaint. I then requested to come home for the time being (until Sunday) and therefor I have been unable to be updating regularly like I use too. It sometimes takes a small toll on me when I can't find peace in what I love doing the most. But I hope that my orphanage for once learn from their mistakes and stop leaving me behind everyone else. The thing in most upset about, is that no one other than my mom and contact person (at the orphanage) believed me. Which was upsetting, because I'm tired of the staff covering up each others mistakes and starts victim blaming. But yeah, that has been the reason for my small disappearance :(.
