Oneshots - Kayce Dutton

I miss her

Request: this is different but, what if y/n convinces Kayce to go to church but he's really nervous cause he hasn't gone since his mother was alive, and it brings up a lot of old memories that make him really sad, needing y/n to comfort him.

You and Kayce sat down in the pew, with a few minutes to spare before the service started. It had been a while since you had been inside a church, and you knew Kayce hadn't been since he was a little kid. In fact, it was when his mother died, her service, was the last time he had been inside a church. He hadn't really talked to you about it, but you chalked that up to Kayce not really talking about his mother much ever.

But here he was, sitting next to you in jeans and a nice button-down. You had told him you wanted to get back into going, especially since you had a ring on your left hand now. With your wedding to Kayce a little under a year away, the pastor said he wished he could see you both at church at least once a month, so that was the plan.

You placed your purse next to you and grabbed a hymnal book to flip to the first song when you noticed Kayce's leg was bouncing up and down. He only did that when he was truly nervous, and you didn't mean the nerves he gets at work...this is when he felt like he was about to break. You glanced at Kayce for the side and gently placed your hand on his bouncing thigh. He immediately stopped but looked over at you. Your thumb rubbed back and forth in hopes to remind him you were next to him.

The service was lovely, and soon you were all piling out of the small church and into the fresh mountain air. You said bye to a few members you knew before lacing your fingers with Kayce and making your way back over to his truck. He had been quiet this whole time, not singing, not reading out loud, not even really talking to people you knew he knew. He reached out and opened your door, helping you into the truck before shutting it softly. As he walked around the truck, he took his hat off, running his fingers through his hair before getting into the driver's side and placing the hat on the dash.

The drive back to the ranch was silent. You didn't know what to say to Kayce because you didn't want to upset him even more than he so clearly was. Had you known this would have happened, you wouldn't have begged him to do this for you. You've always offered to be a sounding board for him when it came to his childhood, but he never took you up on it. He would say that he turned out fine, that it wasn't a big deal anymore, but it clearly was.

He pulled into the ranch and up to the cabin where you two were now living. He turned the truck off and grabbed his hat, almost getting out before he looked over and saw you were still sitting there. His face was like a punch in the gut to you, his eyes glossy and frown lines deep.

"I'm sorry," You whispered over to him.

"'Bout what?" Kayce asked.

"Had I known this would have upset you, I'd have never made us go," You turned in your seat and faced him.

"It's fine," Kayce shook his head.

"No, it's not," You reached out and held his arm closest to you. "Baby, you know you can talk to me, right?"

"I know," Kayce sighed.

"Then why don't you?" You frowned. "I know this is about your mom."

Kayce's eyes shot up to yours in surprise.

"How do,"

"Because I know you," You tilted your head. "Even when you don't tell me things."

Kayce shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. His eyes looked to where your hand was resting on his arm over the console, placing his hat back on the dash.

"I didn't think it'd affect me like that," Kayce licked his lips.

"You think that's because you've never really talked about it?" You offered, your fingers squeezing his arm softly. Kayce let out a long sigh.

"I know you want me to talk about it," His eyes looked like he was in pain. "But I just...it hurts."

"I'm sure it does," You whispered. "Kayce, while I don't understand what you went through or go through, I can respect the fact that even you don't need to go through it alone."

Kayce crinkled his nose and you saw a few tears sit at the corner of his eyes. He looked forward and down, fighting his emotions still. You shifted as close as you could get with the console in between you both.

"Kayce, I'm sorry you lost your mom in such a brutal way," You reached your other hand across and placed it on his chest. You could feel his heart beating rapidly. "No child should have to go through what you and your siblings did...and you're allowed to still feel that hurt. You're allowed to feel your emotions as they come, time doesn't make them less valuable."

Kayce leaned back against his seat and you could see a few tears had fallen down his cheeks. He still wouldn't look at you though, so you tugged on his arm.

"And you're allowed to let someone love you through it," You pressed your lips together. "You're allowed to be vulnerable with me. It doesn't make you less of a partner, father, or son. And while I never got to meet Evelyn, everything I've heard about her tells me she'd agree with what I'm telling you now."

Surprisingly, Kayce let out a laugh before he looked over at you finally. His arm under your hand moved to where he reached up and cupped your cheek, his thumb running against your soft skin.

"I love you," He said with sincerity to make your worries about him almost disappear.

"I love you too," You smiled softly at him.

"I miss her."

That part nearly killed you and you had to curl your toes to keep yourself from crying. You felt as though you caught a glimpse of Kayce as a little boy, standing next to his siblings as their mother's casket was buried in their family cemetery. The picture made your heartache.

"My mom always told me that those we love might not be here physically, but they've been through all our life moments from above," You offered him. "They're still with us, we just can't see them...but they're here."

"Yeah," Kayce nodded. "She'd have loved you."

You both were quiet for a moment before you decided you needed out of the truck and your shoes.

"Come on," You unbuckled yourself and opened the door.

"Where?" Kayce asked but was already following your lead.

You slipped your shoes off and started walking over to the meadow. The green grass felt soft under your feet as you held your heels in one hand while the other reached back for Kayce's. He laced his fingers with yours as you both walked down the hill halfway before you sat down. Kayce stared at you for a moment before sitting next to you with a sigh. You leaned back to where you were laying down, the clear blue sky above you until Kayce's head came into your view.

"What're you doing?" He asked but you saw the hint of a smile on his face.

"Saying hi to your mom," You answered and watched Kayce's smile break out across his lips.

He leaned down to where his head was right next to yours as you both looked up at the sky. You felt Kayce's fingers find yours as he held your hand.

"I remember this one time," Kayce started. "She came home to find Lee, Jamie, and me had let the chickens into the house...Beth pranked us. Mom was so mad, she chased us around the kitchen with a wooden spoon. She caught Jamie, obviously, who then blamed Beth. After she made us get all the chickens out we walked back into the kitchen which was a mess. When we started to pick up, she turned the sink hose on us and soon it was an all-out war between all of us."

You smiled, looking over at Kayce.

"She always turned shitty days into a paradise for us," He said with a sigh. "She took Dad on more days than I can remember."

"She was a good mom," You leaned your head against Kayce's.

"So are you," Kayce mumbled but you caught it. "To Tate."

"I'm not Tate's mom," You looked at Kayce.

"Yeah you are," He nodded his head. "Just cause it's not the first way doesn't mean it isn't a way to be a mom."

"Well, I've got big shoes to fill around here," You smiled, looking back up at the sky.