YOU & ME | JENLISA

Chapter 23

Lisa

The sting of the hot shower water hitting against my back made me hiss. I had inhumane claw marks starting at my shoulder blades travelling down to my butt caused by making that Irene lady, cum three times last night. Something about her deep accent sounded fake to me, like she wasn't actually from Jeju. She kept dropping her geographical location to me randomly. "My daddy got me a truck from the shop, in Jeju." or "This orange pie tastes like the ones you get at a little diner back home, in Jeju." I guess what really tipped it off to me was when she shouted in her fake and thick accent, each time she came. I don't care though, I'm not half the things I tell them I am anyway, I just want the money.

As I reached out to grab my towel, I stopped to stare at my trembling hand. Right. Cocaine. I clenched and unclenched my fingers trying to stop it from shaking but I think that just made the tremors worse.

Two nights ago, I promised the sheriff that he wouldn't regret his decision and for some reason I've been subconsciously trying to uphold that promise. I wanted to please the sheriff, the thought was sickening. After fighting Taehyung, I was masked with a Jennie-high.

It's what I call those types of highs, they're rare but they do happen. It's the feeling of complete euphoria when she looks at me a certain way. Like my system is alive with this magical buzzy feeling and in that moment, I could run a marathon or climb to the top of a mountain and scream with happiness. It's like taking drugs, just only better.

Fighting Taehyung made her look at me like I was a hero. Her eyes glossed with relieved tears, her lips slightly parted with shock and it was a thankful moment where I quite clearly eliminated her fear.

And it soared me.

It soared me enough to make me believe in myself, so I came home and flushed away my bong. Now I've returned back to Earth and totally regret that decision.

"Second day without drugs, you can do this. We just got to get through the first week and then things will get easier. Stay busy, Lisa. Get your act together."

I quickly got dry and dressed, trying not to think of the white power, it's taste or the feeling of it glopping down the back of my throat. I opened up the social escorting app and arranged a breakfast date with someone who didn't want anything beyond the date. I could fit it in before school, earn an easy five hundred and then get on with my day.

I drummed my fingers on the table in Del Vino's, the place smelt like bacon and toast. My skin itched with irritability, the sounds of cutlery chiming against porcelain all around me pissed me off, the sounds of laughter from morning people pissed me off, the way the wooden chair curved around my back pissed me off. I wanted cocaine so badly.

I wanted to feel the clay-like texture on my finger right before I rubbed it over my gums. I wanted my mouth to tingle before turning numb. I wanted my anxiety, anger and sadness to switch off like a light switch had been flicked within me.

"Hi, Lisa?" I stood to my feet and threw on a professional smile. She was younger than my usual clients. Probably not too far from my own age and actually quite pretty.

Over our breakfast date I learnt that she's a college student, sick of looking for her other half in all of the wrong places. Her quest to find love had started to make her believe that she was the problem and any fool could see she needed a confidence boost. She was cute, shy and sweet but I couldn't focus on her. I needed drugs.

"Are you okay?" She asked, noting my inability to keep my body still.

"Yeah." I answered bluntly, with no explanation given. Jesus, focus Lisa. She tucked her strawberry-blonde hair behind her ear and nibbled on her lower lip shyly. Jennie always did that.

I wonder what she's wearing today, those little dance outfits don't leave much to the imagination but every other day she dresses in normal clothes. Her body is immaculate and sometimes I worry that she's not taking care of herself because of how small her waist is, or how flat her stomach sits. I tell my warped mind that it's because she's a dancer, but how much effort and exercise can dancing actually take?

"So, Jennie."

Her eyes widened, alerting me to the name slip up. I tried to correct myself but I forgot her name. I was messing this whole thing up. I cleared my throat.

"My name is Amber."

I nodded.

"I know, Jennie is a term of endearment used in English. It means like a beautiful fairy." I held my breath waiting to see if she bought into my bullshit. Then her eyebrows raised and she smiled.

"Oh." She replied softly.

"It suits you. You're a beautiful woman who doesn't need to find love in order to be happy. When you love yourself, you'll shine so brightly that people would've to be blind not to notice you. I've had a wonderful breakfast with you, you're interesting and intelligent, and you make easy conversation. You're so gonna make someone real lucky one day but you got to stop looking. Let your person come to you, make that someone work for it." I kissed her on the cheek and set a few dollar notes down on the table to pay for breakfast then I grabbed my jacket and left.