YOU & ME | JENLISA

Chapter 44

Jennie

"How did you even get hooked on drugs?" She stopped eating, holding the fork still in her mouth.

"I'm sorry if that was an insensitive question, I didn't think. You don't have to answer. Or we could talk about something else if talking about the drugs makes you want them more."

"I guess you're entitled to ask these questions if I'm turning up on your doorstep for help when we barely know one another. But the simple answer Jennie, is that I started taking drugs when my life got shitty."

"Oh." My mouth formed a perfect circle. I waited for her to elaborate but her words ended there and the tense silence was back. "You were upset, the day of the storm."

"Yeah." She scoffed. "Not my finest moment." Long awkward pause, her beautiful face seemed troubled by her own thoughts. The bridge of her nose crinkled into a cute little frown and it was like I was watching an epiphany happen right before my eyes. "Shit, neither is this." She handed me back the tray of macaroni and stood up. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I came here to you. It's weird. What was I thinking?"

I tugged on her arm and forced her back down in her seat, she shuffled away from me instantly.

"You recognised that you needed help and it was really brave coming to seek it out. I can't let you leave, Lisa."

Her lips twitched into an almost smile, it was the sweetest thing and my butterflies flipped around my stomach wildly.

"I was twelve when I had my first hit of cocaine, it was at one of Sam's parties. It was such a rush, I loved it." My eyes softened on her, this is the first time she's ever spoken to me willingly, and properly. Her voice was soft and velvety, like a lullaby.

"Twelve is really young, Lisa."

She picked at her fingers, bouncing them up and down on her knee, restless and agitated. I just wanted to hold her hand, comfort her in some way but I knew that she wouldn't appreciate that.

"I was filled with darkness, my dad died when I was seven and I didn't know how to cope with the grief and the guilt. I carried it with me for years."

"But your dad..."

"Bryan is not my dad, he's my sperm donor. Marco was my dad. After Bryan left, my mom was broken. She met Marco and he picked up the pieces and put her back together. He was good to me, we fixed up his car together, he took me to the park on the weekends and he made sure we didn't miss any football games. Nothing was ever too much effort or too much trouble for him, he loved me and he cared about me. He was only in my life for three years, but all I knew of a father figure was Bryan so Marco was an angel in comparison. He was my dad, even if biologically he wasn't."

"I understand completely."

That I can relate to, as my dad isn't biologically my dad but he's still my dad and I'm still his daughter.

"Then he got sick. I watched him deteriorate over the weeks, he stopped taking me to the games and was always too tired to fix up the car. I was young, and nobody told me that he was dying. I didn't understand why he stopped paying me attention. I pressured him, made him feel guilty for not spending time with me. I've always had to live with that. His death hit me hard. I loved Marco, I hated myself for how I treated him when he was on his deathbed."

"Lisa, you were just a kid, he will have understood that." I fought the urge to scoop her up into a hug, let her lean on my shoulder or cradle her. She didn't cry, but I could visually see that she was upset. Her voice broke out of that smoothness and her eyes glossed over but she tried hard to remain strong, not wanting to let her trailer park demeanour slip in front of me.