YOU & ME | JENLISA

Chapter 78

Lisa

"I'm really sorry I forced you into doing this Lisa, I didn't think it was going to be like this. I feel terrible."

"You didn't force me, you might've initiated it but I'm showing it to you because I want you to know about it, not because I don't have a choice."

"Still, it must be hard seeing all of these younger pictures of yourself. It must hurt reliving all of these memories. It's heart-breaking."

"I don't remember a lot of this stuff, I think my brains blocked it out. I look at the kid in these pictures and I remember how frightened I felt all the time. I'm not frightened of the same things anymore, my fears now are so much bigger than just Bryan's fist. This kid doesn't know how easy she had it."

I flipped over a few more pages. There was a big leap from childhood Lisa to pre-teen.

"The missing gaps in my file are from when Marco was around. Those are the three years that Bryan had fucked off somewhere and we lived as close to normal as possible. When Marco died, I started acting out."

She paused to look at my pre-puberty mug shot. It was ridiculous to give a child that young a mug shot but I was out of control, lashing out on everyone. Stealing anything from shops, even when I didn't need it. I was violent, verbally abusive and a vandal.

"Most of these were just scare tactics. Try and scare the eleven year old into behaving. Give the kid a stern word, threaten the child with juvenile detention. Until I got older and the crimes just got more and more undeniable."

"Arrested for possession of cocaine. Assisted arrest. Arrested for assaulting an officer. Arrested for intent to sell. Arrested for robbery. Arrested for anti-social behaviour. Arrested for breach of a restraining order. Arrested for criminal damage."

"They're not as bad as they sound, okay? I was just really bad at not getting caught because I didn't care. My life was shit, my mom was newly diagnosed and Bryan was back, so from age eleven till fourteen I acted out."

"What happened at fourteen?"

I sucked in my lips. "At fourteen my mom got pneumonia and it worsened her lungs a considerable amount. She couldn't work at the cafe anymore. We struggled, Bryan wouldn't help. The crimes after this one are all for theft. Because of this piece of shit record, I got reprimanded by the law as a fourteen year old kid trying to steal bread and milk from the supermarket. That's the kind of world we live in. Look, see..." I turned page after page "... theft, theft, theft. And more theft. Before I turned fifteen, Bambam's uncle told us about escorting and it was the answer to all of my prayers, but also the start of all my nightmares."

"Fourteen." She whispered.

"Yup, pigeon chested with underwear still bought and washed by my mom."

I turned the page to see my most recent mug shot and my stomach turned cold. I closed my eyes, willing the page away.

"Are you okay?" She asked with concern, I shook my head and reopened my eyes. Talking about Nancy, with Jennie is going to be excruciatingly hard.