YOU & ME | JENLISA

Chapter 81

Lisa

I wish the only thing that could be heard was the cooing of a wood pigeon as I walked through the trailer park but it wasn't. Mr Lee was arguing with his lady friend again, three trailers over. Aspen the dog from next door wouldn't stop barking and Ms Nam was getting lucky in the trailer behind ours. This was home, the sounds of my childhood.

The weather was brisk, stars lined the black sky and over the full moon sat dusty clouds. My trailer sat in silence, with the lights off. I figured my last words to Jennie scared her off or she eventually got bored and went home.

I sat on the step of my trailer blowing smoke into the air from my cigarette, watching it disperse in front of my face. My night sucked. I had a date with Wendy, the bubbly girl with severe body confidence issues but the whole night my mind was on Jennie. Knowing that she was at my place made things a thousand times worse. I didn't want to make small talk with Wendy. I didn't want to fuck and tell her she was beautiful, I mean she was... in her own way. But she wasn't Jennie.

I stumped my cigarette out on the metal trashcan and opened up my door, first peeking in at mom. She was sound asleep, her chest moving up and down with each breath she took.

I ripped off my clothes and dropped them to the floor, making a trail to the bathroom. Whenever I've been on one of these dates, I always feel compelled to strip bare naked and shower my skin raw. It's alone in the shower when I allow myself to cry. I just feel safer to cry in there, Bryan beat the tears out of me from a young age. "Don't cry." he would say or call me a pussy. But I do cry. I actually cry a lot. It seems to be all I ever do in my shitty life.

I hate this life.

I shut off the water and dried my face with a towel, doing a silent scream into my hands to release this feeling of entrapment and violation. I pulled on my sweatpants, a T-shirt and brushed my teeth, getting ready for bed. When I walked into my room, I could hear a low hum of voices and that's when I noticed her, bundled up in my bed. Her dark hair fanned out on my pillow, her cheeks brushing up against the sheets. Snuggled down, sleeping peacefully with my headphones still attached to her head. My lips curled into a smile, I felt so bad about myself but seeing her, tangled up in my bed sheets just lit my heart up like fireworks in the night sky.

Gently I lifted the headphones off her ears and set them aside, switching off the tape. Oh my sweet, curious Jennie, those tapes aren't for you.

"Lisa?" She whispered out in a tired voice. She moved a little and crinkled paper on the bed. My smile fell when I noticed my file back out, opened up on the Nancy's pages.

"You went ahead and read it?" I asked, closing the file over and pushing it under my bed. Her eyes opened, with heavy eyelids and fluttery lashes.

"What?" She whispered.

"My file, did you read it without me?"

"No." She closed her eyes again. "Come to bed." She pulled my arm down and I backed away. She was drowsy, and deliriously tired. She would probably have no recollection of this tomorrow and besides, I don't do sleepovers.

"I can't sleep in bed with you Jennie, not after what I just did. You're being ridiculous. Go back to sleep, I'll take the sofa." I kicked one of my shoes out of my way and headed for the door.

"Lisa." She called out, sounding a little more awake now. I turned back to look at her over my shoulder. "I only read the pages from earlier and I only listened to our tapes." I opened my mouth to reply but there was a loud smash coming from the living room. Jennie's eyes widened. "What was that?" She asked. "I think someone is trying to break in." She sat up and listened.