YOU & ME | JENLISA

Chapter 89

Lisa

Today was a struggle.

Funny that, how some days I wake up not even thinking about the drugs, other days I can almost taste the chemicals dripping down the back of my throat. Feel the numbing sensation that it instils all around my nose and mouth. Crave the invincibility that it gives me. Fuck, I needed cocaine.

Autumn days fell by as fast as the leaves from the trees. Every sunrise and sunset was one less shared with my mom and now she wanted me to leave her for seven precious days. How was I supposed to be okay with that?

I wrapped my coat tighter around myself, commuting to the gymnasium under the hanging red and gold foliage from rough-barked trees. I could hear music playing already, strange since I was so early. It was a sad melody, an angry melody. Playing loud and echoing all around the empty hall. I pulled open the door and stepped inside, Jennie was here. Lost to the music. Each one of her steps synchronised perfectly with the musical vibrations. It was haunting and beautiful and sad. She told a tragic story with her dance moves, dispelling her emotions out into the open.

It was dark, she was lost, with the music translating her soul. I had never seen Jennie like this before, moving her body in angry, and heartbroken ways. Spinning, spinning, spinning. Jumping, twisting. Pouring her heart into each step.

And her tears fell, she cried.

She danced and she cried.

"Jennie?" I spoke softly, but my voice went unheard.

She continued spinning, the music hijacking her body. Taking over control. Her balance faltered from her frantic spinning and I grabbed her before she could collide with the floor. Her eyes set on mine as she breathed heavily. Salty tears trickled down her face and fell into her lips. I pulled her into my chest and smoothed out her hair as she lay against me sobbing. No tape recorder, completely alone without witnesses but right now that didn't matter because Jennie was being torn apart inside by something and I just needed to make her feel okay.

"It's okay." I reassured her softly. "Let it out."

She cried for a while and I comforted her the best I could. But then she pulled back, all watery-eyed and blotchy.

"What are you doing here, you're early?" She asked, her voice still shaky. I hesitated, was she not even going to acknowledge her emotional outburst?

"What was that?" I asked, causing her to pull away and wipe her face on the sleeve of her sweater.

"Nothing." She answered, squaring her shoulders and breathing away her tears like they were part of the past.

"You want to go over the dance before people start to arrive?" She walked over to the stereo and stopped the melancholy music.

"Jennie..."

She sighed. "Lisa, just forget it okay? It's just something I do. I call it dance therapy. It helps me."

"Helps you for what? You were breaking down just then. I thought something had happened."

"It helps me think... or not think. I don't know, can we just forget it? It's not a big deal, I don't want to talk about it."

The gymnasium doors flung open and Krystal walked with the dance squad following not too far behind her. Jennie shook her head at me, warning me not to say anything and then walked to the centre of the room to join everyone else.

"What's up Jen, you look all puffy and gross?" Rosé asked. I rolled my eyes, wanting to argue with her lack of apathy and abrasive nature towards Jennie.

"I didn't get much sleep last night." She lied, bringing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around herself.

"Okay guys!" Krystal clapped her hands. "We're changing our whole routine." Her announcement brought on a whole load of grumbling backlash.

"But Lisa just learnt our old one." Jennie defended.

"What a fucking waste of time." I complained.

"And money." She added.

"Enough!" Krystal shouted. "The recital is on Halloween, we're going to do a whole monster routine with costumes and synced up lights. Go all out with the special effects. It's going to be epic."

"And as usual, it's not open for discussion." Rosé commented. "Our leader everybody, making decisions without communicating with the whole team."

"It's the better option, Rosé. It's more impressive this way and will wow them more. Also we can sell tickets to the school as like a Halloween event and pocket the money for our team funding. It's clever."

"It won't wow them if we haven't practiced enough. We've been working on Wildflower for weeks." Jennie spoke sense. The recital was in two weeks, for one week of that, she was going to be in France. Krystal smirked, I wanted to fucking punch her. "There's only one person who might not be up to our standards in a week." She glanced at me smugly, like she had done this on purpose. Jennie looked at me and her eyes softened, knowing at this precise moment we were doomed.

She went over the new steps, people all around me seemed to be picking it up fine. She used fancy phrases like 'kick ball change' and I had no idea what the fuck she was on about. We wrapped up after an hour and I felt like I had gotten nowhere today.

"Remember Jen, recital level." Krystal told her before she left. Jennie packed up her gym bag and dressed back in her clothes. I stood awkwardly, debating apologising for something that wasn't even my fault, yet still I felt responsible. This is what she was paying me for and I couldn't even provide a decent service.

"So... France isn't an option for you?"

"Jennie..."

"I know, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. It's okay, it's gonna be okay." She offered me a small smile. "Hey, can you stay later tonight? Get some more practice in?"

I awkwardly rubbed behind my ear. "I can't tonight, I have to go to work." Her smile faded.

"Oh." She said quietly.

"I would if I could." I defended.

"It's okay, don't worry about it." She smiled sweetly, it didn't reach her eyes. I picked up my bag and slung it over my back, feeling guilty.

"Are you... you're okay right? I mean, earlier..."

"Lisa, I'm fine, leave it alone."

"Okay, see you."

"See you." I hesitated to leave.

"I'm fine." She repeated. "Go." She shoved me towards the door.

"Okay, I'm going."