YOU & ME | JENLISA

Chapter 93

Lisa

"Excuse me." I uttered to the air marshal so he could move his giant feet out of my way and let me into my seat. "Move!" I spat out. Not in the mood for his bullshit when my heart was constricting with Jennie's rejection.

No, it wasn't her rejection. Sure that stung but it was the way she rejected me. It was humiliating. What the fuck even happened back there?

Nancy happened, that's what it is. Clearly she believed Nancy's word over mine, or at least had doubts about me. I could see the utter fear she had written all over her face. She was terrified of me. Frightened enough to physically assault me and shout at me.

They started bringing the food carts down the small aisle. Plane food smelt like hospital food and my stomach churned into knots, it made me think of my mom. How I risked everything to be here for Jennie and this is how she treated me?

I didn't understand it, she explained nothing. She just lost it. Maybe the saddest part was that I actually wasn't frightened of her. For the first time ever I wasn't even thinking about the audio recorder. I wasn't filled with anxiety and fear. I just, trusted her, and wanted to be with her.

"Here's your dinner, enjoy your meal." Even the air hostess looked at me with caution. She eyed up the air marshal in his uniform and lingered her blue eyes on the handcuffs he had resting upon his dinner tray. I was used to that, everybody looking at me like that so it wasn't out of the ordinary. But since dancing with Jennie, people have eased up on their wary stares. But in that bathroom just then, Jennie wore that same look in her eyes and it may have broken my heart.

The air felt cold and not just because the overhead blower was pointing directly at me or because we were flying at thirty thousand feet, it was cold because Jennie had thrown an ice wedge between us.

"Aren't you going to eat your dinner?" The douchebag air marshal asked from beside me. He had already started eating his own, it didn't look appetising and I just didn't feel hungry.

But I humoured the situation, if not to just distract myself from the whirling pit of anxiety that I felt inside. I slowly peeled back the plastic film on my meal pack and looked at the reheated sludge in front of me.

What was Jennie thinking right now?

Let's be fucking honest here, I expected to go all the way in that little restroom. To join the mile high club with the most perfect girl. I know, it wasn't the height of romance but it was happening quickly, passionately and we were carnal. Did we need romance? We weren't exactly virgins and being in a relationship wasn't an option for us. Overall, it felt like a mutual down-to-fuck situation. Until she decided she wasn't down-to-fuck.

Maybe I read things wrongly, took things way too far, we were kissing it was... heated, erotic and arousing as hell. Why did I slip my hand up her top? Why did she kiss me harder when I did? Why did she moan into my lips when I teased her nipple between my fingers? For a few seconds, it seemed like she was enjoying it, until she wasn't.

Why didn't she just tell me no?

She did, but why didn't she just say no?

Did she think that I wouldn't stop?

Did she think that I'd force myself on her?

Does she think that I had sexually assaulted her?

Did I?

I pulled on my T-shirt, trying to let some air get to my neck. It was hot. Jesus, I was flushing hot and cold with each passing second. There just wasn't enough space here. I couldn't breathe, everything was too small and my throat felt tight.

I was restricted. I wanted to stretch my feet out but I was trapped in a window seat with no foot-space on an economy class budget flight. I wanted to stand up, move around. Run away. Be alone. Take drugs. Or scream. I don't know what the fuck I wanted, I was just sure that I didn't want to be stuck here feeling like this.

Just sitting. Sitting. Sitting. For hours.

Maybe it was the agreement, she didn't want to pay. Or she couldn't afford to pay.

Did she think that she needed to pay?

Did she need to pay?

Fuck, this was getting too confusing. I wanted her to be my girlfriend but I couldn't extend that offer. We only hang out now because she bought my services. We dance together. She comes around to speak to my mom. She pays me. She is a paying client. Maybe I needed to remind myself of that.

No kissing, I've broken that rule.

No sex unless it's paid for in advance. I almost just broke that rule.

No sleepovers, yet another one broken.

No vacations. I sighed, looked around at the plane that I was currently sitting in, for her.

Recorded alone time only, the one time I ditch the recorder, I'm made to feel like everything Nancy accused me of.

Maybe I needed to press pause on us, to go back to the beginning. Re-read the rule book and enforce them. I'll dance with her but apart from that I won't spend any time with her, I won't talk to her on a personal level. She'll know my name, and nothing more. I will remain professional at all times. Record us at all times.

Yes. Whatever Jennie and I had was now strictly limited to business.