YOU & ME | JENLISA

Chapter 24

Lisa

My mind instantly told me to call my dealer, hook myself up with some cocaine just to see me through the day. I wouldn't take it but I would keep it in my pocket as a blanket of safety to fall back on if I really needed it.

The wind broke through my black denim jacket and broke me out in a cold sweat. I tugged the collar higher trying to shield my face. My head pounded like I had the drummer from some rock band trapped inside it.

But I closed my eyes and pictured her smile. I imagined her dad and how I wanted him to like me, though deep down that was an impossible task with our history and my rap sheet.

Who am I kidding?

If I bought the drugs now, I would take them before I even left the end of the street. I would get to school strung out and probably end up bleeding in the middle of class again, in front of her. Fuck it.

I shoved my hands in my jeans pocket to stop them from shaking and headed in the direction of school, already regretting my decision to fight this withdrawal.

The school hallways hummed with idiots. The mass of people parted to create a path for me to walk through. Every day was the same, I heard my name on the lips of others as I walked past them but not a single person would come speak with me directly. They all just talked behind my back.

I was hypersensitive today, with the banging of lockers closing penetrated through my eardrums like a power-drill. The whispers combine with strange looks sent my paranoia sky high. My heart palpated, not in a good way and I felt clammy and shaky everywhere. School and withdrawal was not a good mix for me.

I took myself to the roof. The need for cocaine in my system was getting too strong to fight now. I could feel every vein in my body craving it, sending phantom shooting pains through my skin. I knew they couldn't really exist but I felt them anyway because I couldn't live, breathe and function without drugs in my system.

I pulled out a nicotine stick, praying that it took the edge off my addiction. I think calling my dealer to meet me at school is hitting a new low. I looked up towards the sky and thought about Jennie.

I wish I could be more like the other people at school. Instead I'm awkward and anti-social. I don't know how to talk to people because people don't talk to me. I mean sure, I date a stranger a few times a week but that's different. The conversation there is mechanical and robotic, my mind is trained on what to say, and how to act. My words are minimal, polite, and professional. The narrative is fake and reserved.

I can't be that way with real people. I can't be that way with Jennie.

"Um... hi." A small voice spoke, while breaking through my train of thoughts.

"Jesus!" I shouted. What is with her and always scaring me half to death.