YOU & ME | JENLISA

Chapter 127

Lisa

The bleak light penetrated the hard plastic windows of my trailer. I grabbed the blinds pulling it away from the wall so that I could see the sky. It was grey and dreary, just like my mood. It had been days since the event, since Jennie bravely told her truth. I have not seen her in four days, she missed our last two dance practices and I can understand why but the recital was today and I didn't feel confident that I wasn't going to mess up her big chance.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror, inflating and deflating my lungs to calm my nerves. I don't know why I was so nervous, I don't want to go to dance school. I didn't even enjoy dancing. I just wanted it to go well, for Jennie.

But I was also sad and frightened. No more dancing, no more payments, and no more excuses to hang out. What happens after this?

So, I go back to admiring her from across the room, occasionally she'll smile at me and I'll get a Jennie high, but ultimately we will end up practically being strangers again. I wet the tip of my finger under the tap and drew an unhappy face on the mirror. Even in my unhappy face the water dripped down like falling tears.

Fuck it Lisa, just get through today.

I left, heading to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for my mom. We had hardly anything in the fridge left, I needed to do a grocery run but I had spent all of my money paying Diane to stay away from Jennie.

I inspected each piece of bread and nipped off the small patches of green mould growing in the loaf, then I loaded the grill and added cheese. My speciality. I prepared a tray and added two glasses of apple juice and the morning paper.

"Hey mom, are you up? Can I come in?" I poked my head in her door anyway, never bothering to knock. She looked like a small mound, lost to her bed sheets. I thought she got smaller over time, more frail, and skinnier. Carefully, I approached her making sure I didn't spill a drop of apple juice over our grilled cheese.

"Mom?" I asked as I approached. "Are you awake? I made us breakfast." I placed the tray down on the bed and sat myself in the chair, while placing my feet to rest up on her mattress.

She didn't move, her eyes were closed and her complexion was ghastly pale. I got a ball of anxiety in my gut and a sinking feeling in my heart.

"Mom?" I asked, sitting forward in the chair. "Mom!" I shouted, leaning over her now and giving her shake. There were no breaths coming from within. They were usually easy to spot, even from across the room.

My mom struggled to breathe all the time, her chest worked extra hard and her lungs moved so rapidly and deeply. Right now, she was still. Her oxygen tube still pumped air but she wasn't consuming it.

"Mom, please!" I cried. "Please no, not yet! Not now!" I shook her and broke down, laying against her cold body. "Mom!" I yelled, praying for a response but she was completely lifeless and I was completely broken.

I reached for my phone, wiping away the waterfall of tears trickling down my face and dialled 911. Most of the call was inaudible because I knew, even at this point, I knew. There was no coming back from this, my mom was gone and I was all alone in this world.