YOU & ME | JENLISA

Chapter 40

Jennie

"Jennie, I like you." She stopped talking.

"Is that it?" She shook her head.

"Jennie, I like you. You're so fucking beautiful that I find it hard not to stare at you in class like a creep. You're the only person in the whole damn world that gives me the time of the day. Treating me with respect and compassion, making me feel like I actually deserve those things. You have no idea how much that means to me, and how much I need that. I'm nervous as fuck around you, always. What is with that? I think it's because you intimidate me. You're this powerful woman, so talented and popular and yet you still find me in the crowd and make me feel ten feet tall. I really, really like you Jennie and I just needed you to know how I feel. But how the fuck do I say all of that when I'm too scared to even be around you. How about... Jennie, can I have your number so I can text you everything I want to say because I'm a fucking pussy who can't say it out loud." Rosé burst out laughing, I sat quietly. Soaking in the harsh violation of Lisa's privacy, we shouldn't have done that.

"I'm giving this back to her, this is wrong. We shouldn't have read that. Any of it." Rosé handed it to me.

"She likes you, better carry pepper spray permanently."

"Don't, Rosé." I warned.

"I'm sorry." She said, while pulling back her smile.

I looked up at the school rooftop, sure as anything a small puff of smoke hovered in the air. I climbed up the steps and pushed open the door. Lisa lay on the ground looking up at the sky, she took another drag of her cigarette and blew it up into the air. Her foot tapped the ground and I realised she was listening to music. I slowly walked towards her and stood over her, she had her eyes closed but the second my shadow hovered over her face she opened her eyes and flinched.

"Fuck me!" She yelled, putting her hand over her heart. She sat up quick, yanked out her ear phones and stumped out her cigarette.

"Hi."

She stumbled to her feet, backing away from me and moving towards the door. She opened it and held it open with her foot, just like last time.

"What are you doing here, Jennie?"

I held her phone out and she stared at it momentarily confused.

"How do you have that?" She grabbed it from me.

"Does that matter? I found it." Her eyebrows knitted together and stayed that way. She didn't believe me, she didn't understand.

"Did you look through this?" I shook my head.

"I can honestly say that I didn't look through it." Her face relaxed a little but still unsure. I debated coming clean, telling her we saw everything. But I didn't want to embarrass her or look like a weirdo so what happens among best friends stays among best friends.

"Okay, thanks for returning it I guess." Awkward silence fell over us once again. "You should go." She tilted her head towards the door and I smirked a little.

"Maybe you should go." Her eyebrows raised in surprise and she was briefly stunned into silence. I bit back a smile.

"But this is my rooftop. It's where I think and hide away and get to be myself. I don't need to feel judged up here or frightened of messing up. I don't have money issues here and I don't need to think about work. I can just be me."

"And if I'm here?"

"Then I can't be me. I can't be me around you... there's too much shit." I sighed sadly. She never fails to tell me answers that I don't want to hear and she never fails to answer fast, like she didn't need to put effort into thinking them through because they just rolled off her tongue.

"Then I'll go, leave you to your rooftop." I started walking down the steps.

"Jennie, wait." I turned around to face her and she shifted nervously on her two feet. "I didn't take drugs today." She spoke shyly, clearly feeling stupid for being proud of herself. I just seen her smoking nicotine but whatever, I guess that doesn't count. "I just wanted someone else to know that, besides me."

I smiled sweetly. "That's great Lisa, I'm proud of you." She smiled widely like that was the acknowledgement that she needed and it was an unusual but beautiful sight, it made my heart flutter in such a magical way.

"I'm proud of me too." She said, with a beaming light all around her that didn't make me doubt her pride even the tiniest bit.

One day without drugs and Lisa already looked miles better. She was smiling, thinking straight and seemed less angry. Maybe the journey to getting sober wouldn't be as hard as she thinks it will be.