YOU & ME | JENLISA

Chapter 131

Lisa

"Lisa." She sighed, sounding hurt in her tone.

I opened my mouth to speak but I didn't know what to say. I just stared at her like an absolute moron. She fished into her purse and handed me a Kleenex. "You're bleeding." She pointed to her nose and I clenched my jaw. Of course, my damn nose chooses to betray me right this very moment. With annoyance I twisted the tissue up into my nostril and hated on myself.

"Well, uh... it was nice running into you, Lisa." She smiled, not at all genuinely and then turned to go inside the coffee shop. I grabbed her arm.

"Wait, let me buy you a coffee?" I asked, feeling hopeful. She fiddled with her finger nails and chewed down on her lower lip nervously.

"Thanks but I'm with my boyfriend." She pointed at the guy behind her.

He was really skinny and tall, he wore a pink turtle neck jumper and a striped scarf. He had trousers that stopped above his ankles and a coat that had a big rainbow pin attached to the collar. As he spoke to his male companion, he thrashed his arms around with way too much enthusiasm for this hour in the morning.

I didn't want to make any assumptions but - yup - he was gay. He leaned in and kissed the gentleman that he was standing with, on the lips with passion.

"Jennie?"

"What?"

"I think your boyfriend is cheating on you." I smirked and she turned around to see them kissing before rolling her eyes. "It's just one coffee, Jennie. Please?" I could hear the desperation in my voice.

"You just left Lisa, you didn't say anything. You just left."

"I know I..."

"It really fucking hurt me. I needed you, I was so sad about your mom as well. I wanted to be there for you."

"It was hard for me Jennie, I relapsed, I fell into depression. I was struggling. I am still struggling." I admitted, feeling humiliated and guilty and regretful and basically, every negative feeling you could have possibly feel about yourself.

I needed another hit, the breath mint tin was feeling extra heavy burning a hole in my pocket right now.

"And that's exactly when you're supposed to lean on your friends the most."

"I'm sorry." I admitted, really, really feeling it.

"We've lost a year, a whole year. You know how many times I wanted to call on you and tell you stuff during that year? How many times I wanted to lean on you?"

"Jennie, I..."

"I got into dance school, because of you. I did therapy, I'm more self-aware and less fearful now. I wanted you there, I wanted to hold your hand in court. I wanted it to be you who helped me through it." She dropped her voice to a whisper, "I wanted to have sex with you. You're the only one I trusted for that and you just disappeared."

"And I've regretted it every day. I've missed you every day. I went back, asked your dad where you had gone but he wouldn't tell me because I broke your heart and he didn't want to put you through that again."

"Jen, are you coming?" her friends asked, and she nodded at them without taking her eyes off of me. She stepped forward and pressed her warm hand against my cheek. "It was really good seeing you again Lisa, keep well." She smiled softly but held heartbreak in her eyes. Then she stepped back and disappeared inside the warm coffee house.

I felt a black pit of self-loathing open up inside, I deserved that. I did. What did I expect? For Jennie to wait around for me forever? For Jennie to welcome me back with open arms? No, I didn't even expect to run into her again but now that I have, the drugs felt worthless to me. I held them up on a pedestal, I loved them. I would do anything for them. But seeing Jennie put everything into perspective.

I was more addicted to her than any drug I had ever taken. She gave me more of a rush and a high than the drugs ever did but I messed up, I threw that all away and now I had no choice but to accept that Jennie wasn't able to forgive me.

One day, I was heading down a path my mom could've been proud of. The next day, I was single-handedly destroying my own life. Well, that ends today. I grabbed the breath mint box and tossed it into the trash can, along with the cigarette that Jennie scolded me about and the bloodied tissue.

Today was day one of my future, even if that future wasn't necessarily going to be with the one girl that I wanted to spend it with. I needed to get clean, pay my bills in a morally correct way and live my life, if not for me then for my mom and for Jennie.