YOU & ME | JENLISA

Chapter 101

Jennie

But I wanted it to be Lisa's business.

I wanted her to feel jealous and hurt. I wanted her to want me to explain. I wanted her to feel like I owed her an apology. I wanted her to just feel something.

But she didn't care and I couldn't make her care. This was a business transaction to her and that is all it was. She liked me, I knew that but also she couldn't pursue anything with me, I knew that too.

Truth is, when I thought about her with other girls, I was jealous and hurt. I wanted to know how intimate things got with the other girls. I wanted her to apologise because she couldn't be with me.

I wasn't a 'pick me girl' but fuck, did I want her to pick me. I didn't want Kai. I wanted Lisa, even if it was only for this week.

She was talking to me about illusions after seeing a lone chair. It was intended to get you thinking about life. The exhibit caption was 'is this chair real or is it an illusion?' That sent Lisa into a deep dive, talking about if we actually do really exist or if we are a simulation. I wasn't listening. It was too brain muddling to listen. So instead I just watched her lips move, like they were in slow motion.

She spoke words and smiled, licked her lips and spoke some more. She bit into her lip and spoke again. She sucked them in and carried on speaking and she laughed and she spoke and fuck... her lips were just so god damn sexy that I wanted them to stop speaking and kiss me.

"And what if one day when we die we really wake up and realise everything that we lived has been like a whole hallucinated world and then we live again and end up going round and round in circles and we never wake up because..."

"Don't you like, want to fuck?"

Oh my god. Those words, they just left my lips. Lisa's mouth clamped closed and so did mine. We stood for a few lingering seconds, neither of us making a single sound while we processed.

"What?" She finally asked.

"Sorry." I said, snapping myself out of the horrified stance that I had left myself in. "I didn't mean that to come out like it did. What I meant was... this week, without the app, aren't you going to miss fucking someone?"

Okay, nice save Jen.

"Uh... no." She answered simply.

"So I'm not getting in your way then?"

She shook her head, taking herself to one of the benches and sitting down. I followed, sitting next to her.

"What did you mean back at the hotel when you said you didn't like sex or orgasms?"

I sucked in a breath and then looked around at the museum. A lot of people gathered at different canvas, some strangers, and some kids from our school. The teacher stood at the door, kind of blocking it so that nobody would make a run for it.

"Shouldn't this conversation be in private?" I commented, fiddling nervously with my fingers. She took this opportunity to look around too.

"Nobody is close enough to hear us." She told me softly, her eyes so intent to find out the truth. It was scary. They were beautiful, reading me like one of the art captions. I only hoped that I was as confusing and thought inducing as one of them too. I shrugged my shoulders, feeling tense at the direction of this conversation.

"Just exactly that, Lisa." I answered awkwardly. "I don't like it. I hate it in fact." Small bumps appeared in her forehead above her light brows. Her little lips twitched, talking to herself in her mind.

"So you're asexual?" She spoke with a hushed tone, keeping our conversation confined to our little bench.

I contemplated that thought for a while then I answered. "I don't know, I don't know what that is."

"You don't have any sexual desire. You don't find people attractive sexually. You don't get turned on and want to have sex with them."

I gulped down my saliva and my lips parted, while breathing heavier.