Espie

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27th November 2022

I didn't want to call Espie last night, I knew that she would be annoyed by it, but I knew that if I called her last night while I was at work, a lot of questions would be raised by everyone that was at wargames, and that's nothing compared to if fans saw me on the phone, I didn't want too much of my private life going public, especially if my family was involved, even if Espie was being a bitch to me over the past few weeks. I had just landed back home and I was outside of the airport, it was about eight in the morning and I wouldn't get home for at least an hour because some fans had noticed me and Demi and we had been taking photos and signing autographs for a while. I was tired, Demi was tired, and she was driving, so eventually I told everyone that surrounded us that we needed to go and after some hesitation we managed to get out of the airport, and to Dem's truck. by the time we had gotten home and semi unpacked it was nearly noon, and the longer I left this call, the more annoyed Espie would get, so while Dem was with the kids I sat upstairs and dialled my sisters number. 

"Took you long enough." she said when she picked the phone up. "Look, if you're going to be a bitch about me actually calling you, then I'll just hang up. I left it this long so that our private call didn't get taped and posted all over social media" I replied, I could hear her sighing "Right, yeah I'm sorry, thank you, this is too important for everyone to see" in that moment, when she was apologetic towards me, I knew that whatever she needs was extremely important, or she wouldn't be calling me. "I really don't think this should be said on the phone, but I can't see you, and I can't ask you to get on a plane, I mean you're working all week and you have too much to do, so a phone call is what we have to settle with" she sounded tired, like something had been keeping her up. "Es what's wrong, you're making me worried " I sat down on the edge of my bed and allowed her some time to get comfortable before saying what she needed to. "uhm, don't get mad... I'm pregnant, and he wants to keep it" I paused for a second, trying to process what she had just told me "what?! Are you serious! Es he hurt you!" I stood up just in time to see Demi looking confused as to why I was yelling, I signalled to her that I would tell her once the call ended, she nodded and headed back downstairs. "See this is why I didn't want to tell you! I knew how you would react, he's better, I swear, he's on new meds and he's not drinking!" "No, Espie, I don't think this is a good idea to go through with this pregnancy." "It's not your decision Y/N , and you know what, I was so supportive of you when you wanted to adopt so why can't you be supportive of me!"

"This is different Es, he's hurt you before, what if he hurts that child" "no it's not, who's to say that your kids are safe with you, I mean, you hurt people for a living, and you put ben into fighting classes, that's really not safe either" "Are you trying to say I'm not a good parent for living out my dream, and using scripted fights. And as for Ben, he asked me to enrol him, I'm not going to ignore him and his dreams because it could hurt him, yes there are risk factors but we take precautions, and no It's not the same because me fighting, and Demi fighting, is an act, a character, I would never EVER try to hurt my kids!" "What's to say he would!" "HE HURT YOU! HE'S NOT PRETENDING, HE'S NOT A CHARACTER, HE'S A LIABILITY!" "You know what, I called you looking for support and I got the exact opposite, I'm done!" She put the phone down on me and I threw my phone at the wall from the anger building up inside me, which caused Demi and the kids to run upstairs. The moment I saw them I broke down in tears, they all hugged me, and sat with me until I calmed down. "You wanna tell me what just happened?" Demi asked, kissing my forehead, I didn't answer but I looked over at Ben. "I'll take Maya downstairs" He said, picking his sister up. 

I sat down on the bed with Demi and she held me until I finished explaining what happened. "It just makes me think that I'm a bad mum" "Hey, don't talk like that, you are great to those kids and don't you dare let anyone take that away from you" I sniffed and nodded at her "Yeah, I'm sorry" "Don't be, you were right about there being risk of him hurting her and the baby" 

we talked for a while and I told ben a shorter version of what I told Demi. I still didn't feel great though, she's my sister and I can't protect her or change her mind. And now, it felt like she wanted nothing to do with me. It was awful.

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