𝐅𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐍 | Review Shop [CLOSED]

Mae [Nika]

Title: Mae by _Swaralee_
Reviewer: Nikachu22
Chapters reviewed: 8-10

Main focus:
• plot
• reader enjoyment

Cover/Blurb/Title:
Upon first glance, your cover could use a little bit more that's eye-catching as well as relating to the story. It's dark with a woman standing, posing like a model. In fact, you can even take her out of it and resonate the cover with things that have murderous intent. A bloody shiny knife, or a gun smoking at the tip. Some police caution tape or maybe even a crime scene.

Something that signifies Mae and her intent. The title is just one word so it's hard to guess what it is that the reader will be dealing with so, you bring that out within the cover. Your first priority is to draw in readers with sight. A lot of times beautiful covers make people click on the book and then the blurb is secondary. You could even add a black background, with evil smiling lips coated in red lipstick. Something that sets the mood/tone of your story and brings it to life.

Also, the quote is hard to read so I'd make that bigger.

Otherwise, everything is fine. Just tweak the cover. Your opening on the blurb was great. You hit the reader head-on. Can tell this story dives into a world that revolves around some hatefulness.

Plot:
You engage the readers very quickly with action, but I think the constant action is what diminished us in getting to know and feel the characters. Our focus is more drawn to what's going on. We need to know her to be able to root for her and the course of events she's going through. It's like we don't get to see the build-up of what made these groups the way they are because we are hit with a constant flow of Mae going after Tristan.

You can tell us, sure, but to witness and feel it is different. Writing the hatred between the families is different than allowing us to feel and see moments. We don't get the chance to relate to them. I think slowing the action down a lot and giving more emotion to Mae at a slower pace makes the characters more grounded and will help the story a lot.

So Mae, also known as Lilith, is very fierce in what she does (I can tell), but she doesn't hold any depth. It would be awesome to see her with the mafia mask on, but then under some kind of plot twist early on... maybe done by Tristan—her personality gets hit by a bullet. Then she finds her strength because her rage for wanting him dead is still fresh in her mind. This will make her more human as well as give us a reason to hate him.

At this current moment, we can't hate him. We know nothing. We can't feel how shitty of a person he may be. Even if we get the chance to feel it through her and how he treats her then go into it heavy whenever they encounter each other. We are only given Mae and we follow her hatred, but he is in the blurb and he is one of the driving tools for the plot to even exist.

Reading five chapters in, you have enough description to slip some suspense into the plot and hit a plot twist. Maybe not expose too much too soon, but let us readers know who exactly is Mae messing with and how dangerous she's getting herself thrown into a pit. He is her every drive to continue the story so with the little things she seems to be obtaining now, she can easily find herself falling into a psychological game dealing with Tristan. Make us want her to succeed. Like her or hate her. We can even like him depending on how well Mae makes us feel.

Chapter 5 was the chapter to shine.

There is already a tone of mystery in the story, but this is the infamous Tristan who has decided to call Mae over Wyatt...

o deliver him in such a twisted way we can understand his power. Should be a goal!!

You want him to remain mysterious? Go for it, but he is a very dark man so allow Mae to put on a front of not being afraid of him and yet he still gives her chills. It's okay for her to go against him, but think of him as a final boss. If she holds no fear she won't have an opening for character growth.