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Little Touch of Heaven [Dee]

Book: Little Touch of Heaven
Author: @Entwinedwrlds_
Reviewer: @DhBurnside
Chapters read: 3

Chapter one
This story is a really easy read. Excellent work.

We need some information about who she is and why everyone is looking for photos with her. I mean, 10,000 followers isn’t that many these days so maybe there is something more interesting about her. You need at least 50,000 to even be considered for a book deal...

Chapter two
When she is editing photos, that would have been a good time to get some further insight into what she does. What is she influencing?

The line about being inside a television didn’t read that well. I think revise its meaning.

When she says she couldn’t embarrass herself now via text, I don’t think that’s necessarily true. I mean, we’ve all sent somewhat embarrassing texts in the past. Maybe she feels she has more time to process information prior to replying but the messaging seems really consistent so I don't think that could be possible either.

For someone that’s supposed to be ‘at work’ in the café, she sure covers a lot of topical conversation over a few brief messages. I think this could be reduced to more of a show don’t tell situation.

Chapter three
The first sentence I think would read better if you put ‘as soon as the sun rose, I got up out of bed after the sunny day rays came through the windows. Show first then tell.

I loved the part about her considering if someone knew her from the internet. I think that was very realistic. Maybe, she could feel a little embarrassed about it.

Oh – her parents own the café, hmm that makes sense why she could sit and text for a lot longer than your average 15-minute break – LOL

I don’t know if it's because I’m old now, but what does cosplay mean? I think an explanation of this would really help.

I really enjoyed this a lot. I think this will make it to print someday. Keep going!

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