𝐅𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐍 | Review Shop [CLOSED]

Into the Blues [Alba]

Book: Into The Blues
Author: Nash_Books
Reviewer: -Oracle-
Chapters read: 21

Starting off with the title, it certainly does hint at the sadder tones of the story. You can tell by both the cover and title that you’ll be in for a ride full of emotion and drama. I personally think it’s a well made cover. However, I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily attention grabbing or specifically attractive. It’s a bit too dark, as well. I couldn’t really tell what the background image was until I took a closer look. I’d suggest using more eye-catching elements, such as vectors or border frames, and vectors with patterns or lace, etc. Perhaps even use a few overlays — special effects such as dust or smoke. Something to really grab the audience’s attention.

Concerning the blurb, I believe a few improvements can be made. The first three lines don’t make much sense to me. What do you mean she decides to ruin everything good in her life? What good is there to ruin? If you mention that “she is done with her life” and has never fit in anywhere, I wouldn’t be able to imagine her having anything to call “good” in life. It’s contradictory.

A suggestion I’d give you is to replace the third line with “Until one day she decides to ruin the only good thing in her life.” Or something along the lines. See how we’re instantly given more context here? It makes sense since, in a way, the only good thing in her life is Adrian.

In the continuing lines, I need more context to truly feel interested in the story. I don’t see where this is going. What’s the plot? You don’t have to spoil, but give a bit more context as to what will happen and why we should care. “Past” and “secrets” can be ANYTHING. Be more specific.

Your list of what she will discover is too big, too unspecific. The topics are too broad.

I think mentioning the boy living in the shadows was the only part that got me curious to read the book, other than the first line. I just skimmed over the words before that, because they don’t mean much. They don’t reveal anything specific about the plot. Like, sure, she discovers her love and past — but that can be anything. Again, be more specific!

There are also a few punctuation mistakes, such as missing commas in the blurb. Tsk tsk tsk, no bueno. This may leave a bad impression on a potential reader.

The plot is interesting, to say the least. I’d say it’s got a hint of fantasy in it as well, since Zade exists and he’s basically, well — what, an elemental spirit? A ghost? He’s got powers either way, and is honestly a fascinating character. Each time he showed up, he reminded me so much of Jack Frost. I honestly love him.

You also manage to establish insanely compelling hooks throughout the first chapters, as the protagonist keeps mentioning how Adrian won’t be with her for much longer. It intrigued me immensely as to find out what would happen to him and how Elsie would react to this change. And I loved the dynamic Elsie and Adrian had. In a way, he kind of pulled her out of her darker days and managed to bring the best out of her. Something that seemed to help her depression.
It gives me somewhat of a golden retriever x black cat vibe. I like it.

Another thing I fell in love with were the visuals for this story. Whether it was the banners or the character aesthetics, they helped set the correct tone for the story. It helped me visualize and immerse myself into each scene better than I would have done without it.

And when it comes to characters, I’ve got a few mixed emotions about them. I loved Elsie’s family. And believe it or not, I really took a liking to Anna.

She was incredibly realistic to the point where it was a bit eerie. The relationship she has with her sister is very well written and believable. It feels like I’m reading about a real interaction that two siblings had with each other. The way Elsie communicates with her family is realistic, as well. Mother feels like a real person, Anna feels real. Overall, they’ve been written perfectly.

At the start of the story, I really liked Adrian because he was such a romantic.

I think this would have been so much more impactful and intriguing, as your audience, to get to read. It would raise the bar of conflict incredibly high, and cause the readers to feel more emotions as they read your story.

One tip that helps writers to improve stakes, scenes and conflict is to ask: “What’s the worst thing that could happen right now.” It may generate lots of useful ideas you can use.

After that, Zade could have been portrayed as a sort of guardian angel or almost even a metaphor, a way to help her get over Adrian’s death as she travels to NYC with Anna, eventually falling for him instead. However, that’s just my suggestion as to how you could improve your story to become more compelling and irresistible. Take what you want from this, cause I really don’t want to sound like an angry teacher giving you a lecture right now.

There’s also something I kept wondering as I read this story. Why is Elsie depressed in the first place? Did something traumatic/big happen to her and end up making her depressed as a result? You need to mention why she’s depressed, explain why she is the way she is. Give a backstory or at least some context as to what happened to her. She can’t just be depressed and insecure for no reason.

When it comes to mechanics and writing style, I think your voice as an author shines very bright. It manages to add a splash of uniqueness and personality to it. You have good descriptions when it comes to describing characters’ looks and personalities. The inner monologues are written clearly and beautifully with well chosen words and good descriptors for each thought the character experiences.

One thing I wished to see more of was the incorporation of the senses when describing places, people, or sensations. As well as more descriptors of the locations and places the characters surrounded themselves in.

Don’t stop the pace of your story with a huge paragraph just to describe how a building looks, but do it subtly. Have the characters interact with the spaces, touch objects, move around and stand next to a specific thing that can give us a clearer idea of where they are.

I also spotted quite a handful of awkward and confusing sentence structures and incorrect grammar. I’d suggest you use a writing tool such as Hemingway Editor or Grammarly that can check your writing for you and fix any inconsistencies when it comes to grammar and punctuation.

Overall, this story was really entertaining for me to read. The chapters were short and fast-paced, which made me feel like it was easier to read through. And there was always something interesting going on in each chapter that made me want to read more.

I think this story has lots of potential, and I am curious as to where it will go in the future. Keep doing what you’re doing, you’re on the right track.

─⁠──⁠──⁠──⁠─ ⋄ ☾∘☽ ⋄ ─⁠──⁠──⁠──⁠─

Thank you for requesting a review from us. Do let us know what you think so that we can improve to better provide for authors like you.