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Dungeon [Nanya]

Book: Dungeon
Author: Ablazeisaleo
Reviewer: Kuchiki_
Number of chapters read: 8

Title: The title is very captivating. I would say it is a metaphoric description of the story, while it has nothing to literally do with a dungeon, the main character seems trapped in a dungeon of secrets and crime. This might not easily be deciphered by a reader in how the title relates but in all, it does relate so it is a good title

Cover: The fonts used match the vibes of the story, I really liked its arrangement. The picture used shows a man walking into a tunnel. It portrays the main character and its dark vibes suit the story. I would say it is an amazing cover.

Blurb/Description: A very intriguing description, also explains the main plot. This was very well written, I can tell a lot went into editing this alone.

Originality/creativity: I like the fact that the mystery relates directly to the main character this time instead of the main character solving another person's mystery. I found this unique and creative

Grammar/punctuation: Absolutely no errors, your use of grammar and punctuation was really good and made the story more professional.

Plot: I always love a good mystery plot and this seems like a very intriguing one because he can't really remember how his parents died or why someone wanted to kill them. There are a lot of unanswered questions and I'll definitely enjoy trying to predict and decipher them.

Writing style: I enjoyed your descriptions and use of sarcasm and definitely Bryan's inner thoughts. However, when they speak, I mean the writing in quotations when a character is talking feels rushed or bombarded (for example: when asking a question there's like xyz? Xyz? XYZ??" All in one sentence) I hope this makes sense, what in trying to say is perhaps space it out like ( "what do you mean…..
                          What are you trying to say?!)
Instead of ("What do you mean? What are you trying to say?).

Also the use of capitals every now and then, I understood from a comment that it was to show extreme frustration but I believe an exclamation mark or two should suffice, it is fine if you use it every once in a while but I felt it was used too much.

Also, some of the paragraphs are too long?. Maybe consider spacing them out after a few statements. It also hinders commenting, like if I were to comment on a part of a paragraph there are 7 more lines of something different from what I wanted to comment on.

Also in chapter 7, the part when Arnold showed him the picture of his parents and he begins to remember his dreams, it feels rushed, I think it can be executed better and show more emotions to fit the moment.

I would guess it would be a short story seeing how fast it's moving? Sometimes some parts feel rushed but it still suits the vibes since the chapters are not too long.

However I found myself smiling a lot while reading this, your use of grammar and descriptions is amazing! I can picture what's going on and it feels like I'm watching a movie and not reading a book. You're style of writing is very enjoyable and reader enticing, I'll be honest, it is really good. I love that you relate your descriptions to things relatable (like relating the waiter's make up in chapter 4 to a spooky series and things like that)

I also found this professionally writing, just the way it is executed in general, it feels easy for a reader to connect with the story and its characters.

Character development: Hopefully Bryan would have more development in his confidence, relationship with others and his constantly irritated look. I'm definitely anticipating a character development from him.

Overall enjoyment: I enjoyed the story in general,it is very captivating and the cliffhangers at the end of each chapter is just…… the story has a great plot and I can't wait to see how it ends.

Keep up the good work!
And I hope this helps :)

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