𝐅𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐍 | Review Shop [CLOSED]

The Confession Letters [Dee]

Book: The Confession Letters
Author: -moonlight_amethyst-
Reviewer: DHBurnside
Chapters read: 3

Ideas 2
Details and Content 2
Organization and structure 2
Intro and closure 3
Voice 2
Word choice 3
Spelling 2
Analysis 2

Dear School
I think this first chapter is engaging but it doesn't really have a storyline. It starts like an open letter to the school but it comes across as a long complaint about the many many things wrong with the school (which I fully agree with). I like the idea but I think it could be beneficial to make it about someone or give it more character. The sectioned parts that were broken up into different aspects were good but at times it felt repetitive to what was already said beforehand. I think it could be shortened to make it more readable. Spelling error: November - December there was a spelling error.

Dear English,
I wasn't sure who this was that was being attacked by Sapphire. And who is I? It got very violent without any build-up or any real reason to attack a specific person. The reasons given were very general to a subject, not a person. This brings me back to the first chapter of where is the character. Who are 'school' and 'English'? Like I know they are places and subjects but we need to see people to connect. It was also very dark and violent without real context and proper descriptions of an actual scene.

Dear Chinese,
I found it jarring to read when the sentence was split into two different paragraphs.
Again it began with a long list of complaints about what was wrong with the subject and how much was expected but then it went into quotes which was even more confusing. There was a list of character's names of what they said during another attack. We haven't met any of these people, who they are what they look like. Why should the reader care about what they are doing?

Overall, I think these stories have potential but they need a lot of work. They are all radically different in the way they are written which could make for good 'short stories' but they really need to have more scenes and character building. And we need to see, touch, taste, and feel these characters and those who are being attacked. I think the 'complaints' about how hard the subjects are can be blended into the stories more too which would help make it more engaging for the reader to follow.

This is a great first draft and with the right tweaks, I can really see it becoming an amazing read.

─⁠──⁠──⁠──⁠─ ⋄ ☾∘☽ ⋄ ─⁠──⁠──⁠──⁠─

Thank you for requesting a review from us. Do let us know what you think so that we can improve to better provide for authors like you.