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Secrets Hidden In Time [Alba]

Book: Secrets Hidden In Time
Author: memorycraver
Reviewer: oraclesighter
Chapters read: 23

This was an astoundingly captivating story to get to experience. From the writing style to the characters, to the storyline and the most miniscule details weaved between the lines. Each part was written and planned utmost flawlessly.

Starting off with the title, it emanates a sense of mystery and intrigue. It works as a great hook for the audience and really manages to set the tone for the storyline.

The blurb certainly has a grand cast of compelling elements, but is missing the context to give me an idea of what the actual plot is.

You could be more specific and deliver details that lets the reader know what they’re in for.
You use so many abstract concepts and metaphors in the blurb to the point where it blurs out the actual context of the main conflict and leaves us with not enough to grapple with.

The third line, “On the other side is an enigma, a puzzle, and an anonymous truth undisclosed to the unaided eyes of the world,” is too vague. Hint more clearly on what that said “puzzle” is.

There’s a “long-lost secret” the father is carrying, but how does that correlate with the oncoming topics mentioned in the blurb? What is this said barbarous felony that’s caused such a ruckus for them and their world and what do the characters have to do with it?

Mention that specific felony. Draw the reader in and give them an idea of what’s going to go down. You’re being too secretive! By all means, keep the majority of your information hidden when it comes to offering spoilers — but not when it comes to the primary concept of the story, the conflict, the actual plot.

Because when I go through the chapters, the actual story is so much more intense and full of compelling situations that you could have taken the opportunity to mention in your description!

And the last line “Not to forget, amidst this entire race of justice against immorality and time, there nestles resolutely an unconditional love worth a lifetime,” seems to lead the context astray even further.

I can see how Hinduja’s personal love life is important to the plot, as it’s a vital factor that takes place throughout the story — her life as the wife of Sir Dogra and a mother to his son. However, it clashes as you try to explain the primary conflict. It gets confusing the way you suddenly mention this last line after everything you’ve told us about justice and felonies.

What’s the context of that love? It’s not too clear that you’re talking about Hinduja and Mahadevan’s relationship because it was never mentioned previously in the blurb. It kind of just comes out of nowhere.

I’d suggest you take a bit of inspiration from logline-like blurbs. Describe very straightforwardly how Hinduja and Mahadevan’s relationship came to be and what it has to do with the conflict, show us why they’re important. Then move on to revealing the main conflict, the mysteries that Hinduja has to uncover and why it’s taking such a toll on the world, including her and her family.

This way, we’re delivered a more concise description of the story, a clear premise of what to expect — while still keeping it light and not knowing how it will end.

By no means am I telling you to write something completely different than you’d normally write — keep your figurative language and voice. But I’d like to see more specifications and context in the blurb.

Moving onto the plot, it must have been something I’ve never seen before. It was insanely unique with endless gripping moments that really had me at the edge of my seat. They just kept on coming! The characters are insanely well written with realistic and distinctable behavior. Each dialogue and action was clear, understandable, and held a purpose. You can easily tell apart from who each character is.

Although it starts off slow (as you’ve already advised beforehand), the payoff is worth it when you get to the inciting incident.

In the first few chapters, we get to learn a lot about Hinduja as a person and how she’s come to the position she’s at today.

Eventually, all the pieces are put together and we realize how everything correlates by the end of the story, why the scenes took place the way they did.

Honestly, it was very much like watching a movie. It was filled with emotion, drama, and a huge range of very serious and sensitive topics, such as violence, crime, mystery, etc — which is a personal favorite for me.

One thing I’d like to warn you about were the chapters to the further end of the book, where Hinduja and her team closes in on cracking the code for solving the abduction mystery.

I do want to advise you that this may be very frustrating and upsetting to hear as an author after working so extremely hard on perfecting every last, miniscule detail to have each scene correlate so well. Remember that all I can do as a reviewer is give you suggestions and advice, so I repeat: You do NOT have to follow my recommendations. But I’m afraid that involving religion in your story where it’s portrayed in a bad light is extremely dangerous when it comes to reputation and impressions readers may have on you.

Now, I’m not a christian myself, so it’s not as if I can speak from experience. But this is mainly a discouraged thing to do since you’re relating a religion to an action that’s viewed as morally bad, illegal — and in a way, having christians represent the said “bad action.” Which may lead to encouraging the audience to see christians as the “bad guys” because of how they’re portrayed in the media.

That’s my take on the situation. However, I encourage you to consult and have other christian readers give their feedback and perspective of your story, see how they react and what they think — whether it offends them or not. Although, I do think your planning was clever and truly astounding.

Know that I come from a place of good when I tell you this. It’d be unfortunate to have to wake up to backlash from readers after you come across the wrong audience.
Now, there are various different opinions Christians may have on reading something like this. Some may get offended, meanwhile others may simply not care. At the end of the day, it all comes down to whether you can handle an audience or not.

Moving that aside, I do think that showing the readers both sides of Hinduja’s life — her experience living with Mahadevan and then navigating the abduction mystery — was incredibly clever. It sets a natural tone to the story, brings more conflict and realism to it, and shows us two sides of the story. My favorite parts must have been the diary entries, where we got to take a look at the characters’ pasts, and see the contrast between the past and now.

There were also various moments where you had to try and figure things out for yourself, like when Hinduja was still working on the case and Mahadevan bit her after she came home — it led me to make up theories about him being involved in the abduction and try to connect the dots myself. But that’s what the story does to you. It’s like you think one thing’s gonna happen, but then something else ends up happening!

I genuinely fell in love with your storyline and see endless potential for it.

Your writing style must have been the highest quality of writing I’ve seen in a while. You manage to incorporate humor and beautiful prose into your descriptions wonderfully. You always choose the perfect words to describe characters’ actions, emotions, sensations, thoughts. I honestly cannot stress it enough with how immaculate your lines are.

Other than that, I don’t have much constructive criticism to offer, as you’ve already managed to create such a wonderful story with so many magnificent elements.

I urge you to keep writing and creating. With a skill like this, you can go so incredibly long and open many doors to your life.

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