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Teri Deewani [Alba]

Book: Teri Deewani
Author: Deewanixwriters
Reviewer: oraclesighter
Chapters read: 26

Let’s begin with the title, cover and blurb.
I’ve done some research to find the meaning of the title, and ended up coming across a song that's about intense love and romance. I think it’s an extremely clever idea to have titled the story after this song, as it describes Siya and Shashwat’s relationship very well. Siya is absolutely enchanted by him, so this song suits her perfectly.

The cover is very beautiful. It depicts two people walking together as they hold hands and wear the same uniform. At first glance though, I thought it was a parent walking their daughter to school because of the height difference and how petite the girl is built. But when I looked closer, I saw they were wearing the same uniform, so I am guessing it’s a portrayal of the two main characters walking together.
I do want to give appreciation for the font and color scheme in this. It’s easy on the eye, aesthetic, extremely appealing — a cover someone would definitely click on.

Moving onto the blurb, it’s well written. You get across the main premise of the story in a clear and straightforward way without going overboard, and it includes various intriguing elements such as the unrequited love and each of the characters’ personalities. I also like the little message you put at the end there. Romance books like these really are quite underrated, I prefer to stay out of love angles or toxicity as well when it comes to love stories.

The story is about Siya and Shashwat, two highschoolers who go to the same school, but who are very different. Siya falls in love with Shashwat, who is focused on his studies and does not have time for love. So at the beginning, he doesn’t really reciprocate that love for her. However, as the story gradually moves forward, we see their interactions improve till, eventually, he falls in love with her too. 

It’s a cute fluff romance. Very wholesome. As you mentioned in the blurb, there isn’t too much conflict, and instead it’s more of just… going with the flow of the characters’ lives. Seeing how the main characters grow closer and how their love blossoms.

The characters are overall well written. There are various elements weaved into the story and characters that are relatable when it comes to school life and teenage years.

However, I do feel like the beginning starts off a bit slow. But then again, this is a slow burn, so I suppose it’s only to be expected.

Although the majority of this story is written in English, I do think it’s targeted toward an Indian audience rather than a non-Indian one. There are various dialogues written in Hindi without an English translation for it. You only put the translation a few times. There are also references and terms for many Indian things, such as names or sayings, which only Hindi speakers will understand. What’s the point of reading a story if you’ve got to enter Google Translate every five minutes?

I’d suggest you put a word glossary for terms and names for the non-Hindi speakers at the start of the story or by the end of each chapter. This way, the story can reach a wider audience and even teach them about your culture.

For the Hindi dialogue, I’ve seen it quite a few times in many Indian stories. I do get that it’s a preferred style many authors love to use nowadays. However, the more I see it, the less it actually makes sense. If you write most of their dialogue in English, but then include dialogues in Hindi, which language of the two are they ACTUALLY speaking? I assume that these characters are located in India, so it makes sense they’d speak Hindi. But why are we rotating between English and Hindi if they’re only speaking one language in reality?

You can get away with nicknames and short sayings of another language, but including entire dialogues in another language doesn’t make much sense to me if the country/environment they’re in speaks one language of the two.

I’d honestly suggest next time that you cut out the Hindi dialogues and keep it all in English if you do choose to write your next story in English.
Include a few nicknames, Indian references and sayings/quotes, sure. But generally, when writing dialogues, you’re basically translating to the audience what the characters are saying in their language to the language you’re writing the story in, which in this case will be English.

Although, it’d make sense if a character spoke a foreign language from the others and the main characters wouldn’t understand, perhaps. In that cause you can get away without any translations, because it gives a realistic scene where readers can relate to the protagonists (if they don’t speak that language, that is). But in this story, all characters are seeming to communicate in the same language with each other.

And I suppose you can argue that “this is a Wattpad story” but it’s still literature. A bunch of translations beneath large chunks of texts makes your writing look clunky. It’s difficult to go with the flow.

By all means am I not telling you to be creative, nor to avoid including culture from different countries in your writing, don’t get me wrong please. I am just offering you suggestions on how to improve the readability of your story when it comes to writing.

Moving onto mechanics, you’ve got incredibly beautiful descriptions. Kudos for using lots of figurative speech in your writing, such as metaphors and similes. Your word choice for descriptions are also very beautiful. They create flawless and very vivid images for the imagination.

But even so, there are numerous grammatical mistakes that are VERY distracting.
I always recommend my writers to use editing tools such as Hemingway Editor or Grammarly (or any type of copyediting tool that you prefer, really).
These will fix all your spelling mistakes, incorrect punctuation, and even awkward sentence structures you may have. Although I’d suggest you only use it for fixing misspellings and punctuation, since the tool will simplify your sentences to the point of a children’s book’s writing. I urge you to fix your spelling mistakes or at least make sure your next book doesn’t come with them, because they can leave a really bad impression on readers and take away your credibility as an author.

Although you may ask some people and they say they’re not bothered by it, it remains incredibly unprofessional.

Other than that, I really don’t have much constructive criticism to give you since your story is overall well planned, considering its plot. You incorporate symbolism and metaphors in ways you can understand it, which many readers love to see. All the scenes have a purpose and make sense, it works as a great build up to the end.

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