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Warrior of Oirasora [Dee]

Book: Warrior of Oirasora
Author: AbiPWriting
Reviewer: DHBurnside
Chapters read: 2

Chapter one
This was a very gripping piece of work. Some small technical errors as listed below.

The line about the father feeling no emotion but anger – anger is an emotion.

I was a little confused as to why Oirasora after 800 years would still fear being attacked. I mean we are talking more than 8 generations of people. I think we need more than that to believe they are going to be attacked.

The forgotten place and previous war? Was this the same 800 years ago war? I think maybe you need to review the timeline. That’s a really long time considering when you think about it the end of WW11 was 1949 – less than 100 and although there are still people alive today who lived through that, it's not as if we still fear the country that began it.

The prediction of Renor was very interesting but rather than tell us about her magic foretelling, show us. What other predictions did she guess?

Chapter 2
The random guy who looked at her. Renor’s reaction seemed a little over the top considering from the description  he gave a lazy look. Maybe he gave a more powerful look than that?

From the main characters background, considering she has had such a hard background and now dislikes men and considers them all to be evil. I found it hard to believe that she would bother to even be insecure about him liking her or not. Afterall, she a warrior, a fighter. HE needs to impress HER. I was surprised to read the assessment of him preferring more popular women.

I think your writing is excellent. It flows nicely, the descriptions are well thoughtout and placed. I do think there are some plot holes like a pointed out above but nothing major to fix. Great work. I hope to see you one day published.

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