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The Dark World [Dee]

Book: The Dark World
Author: Nash_Books
Reviewer: DHBurnside
Chapters read: 3

Prologue
The prologue had a good hook to it. It made me want to keep reading the story.

I was being tested for something *more worse, doesn’t read well. Please review.

I did think it was missing something like usually a prologue we get a good feel for the story too. And although this alludes to it without giving anything away I don’t feel like we have any idea about what’s to come in the story so I think it’s doing too good a job of hiding the story.

Where is this world? Apart from April is there any other leads?

Chapter one
Its never enough for them. *is it – grammar problem please review.

I think the allusion to whats to come drags from the prologue into chapter one. It was good at first but we aren’t really getting into the story. I’m halfway through chapter one and I’ve still no idea about where April is (world wise), what she looks like, and what is currently going on in her life. Why do I want to read this story?

I think we should pick up the pace in the beginning and start the story. I felt once she left her house things started to get interesting with April.

Kind *of.

There are a couple of errors in tenses please review.

The chapter ended on a good cliffhanger.

Chapter two
In the first paragraph rather than tell the reader that they will pass out soon. Describe the feeling. I think this will make a better impact.

I didn’t understand what the mention of the puzzle had everything to kill me meant? I think we need more information. What puzzle?

Tyler’s story is interesting but I didn’t think it added anything to the overall story at this stage. I think it would have been better to continue with April first and see where we are going there for another chapter or two and then switch to Tyler and make the chapters either longer or have two or three subsequent chapters to get a better feel for him and then make them shorter pieces. Right now we need to get a deeper understanding of the overall story which so far I haven’t gotten after reading two chapters and the prologue. At this point, I should understand the world, the story of where they are, the mission they have and what they need to accomplish.

This story has a lot of potential and I look forward to reading more.

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