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Web of Desires [Nika]

Book: Web of Desires
Author: ajroker
Reviewer: Nikachu22
Number of Chapters: 4

Main Focus: Plot, Story flow, Pacing and any feedback you think will do me justice.

First and foremost, let me mention this... you introduce characters without any substance behind them. We aren't told how they look at all which gives us a disadvantage when it comes to trying to picture and put looks to the character that is talking. I suggest when you introduce another name or character itself that you add some kind of character description even if it's only a little bit. If by chance you had a character chapter that gave us that information then that is understandable, but characters with no faces don't deliver the depth that is needed for readers. Visualizing a story runs just as important as just reading it.

It was very hard to relate to any of the characters in the beginning chapter which messed up the flow. What you'd want to focus on is everything as a whole. Reading, writing, and visualizing.

Character descriptions can either be small like this:
Sara a short, redheaded female with freckles riddling her face walked into the room.

Or

Sara a short, redheaded female wearing large black-framed glasses walked into the room. She had soft freckles riddling her face and hazel almond-shaped eyes. Her choice of clothing was always sweaters with animals on them, a frill skirt, long black socks, and some church shoes. Her bangs hung over her eyes, not entirely neatly cut, but her hair lay a mess down her back. Her sweater was pink, with a pig's nose and eyes on the back part and the front his little swirly tail. She always held her hands out in front of her frame, clasped one on top of the other in a shy manner. Twirling her skirt, her frame swayed side to side, her features kept low as she gazed innocently upon everyone in the room. She was over her head, becoming the center of attention and it was clear she was getting ready to pop of embarrassment.

Whichever route you choose is alright, but we readers need something. Explaining a little bit of personality through their clothing choice and the way they look also helps with distinction.

It's the first chapter and I can already tell there are a lot of characters mentioned. Without any character description, the story is hard to read and it doesn't capture my interest.

Joey and Skylar received their introductions and you wrote it well. Side characters or less important ones also deserve some kind of short description. Just so we would know who we are dealing with.

How does Isabella look? May? Nicole? Isabella is the main character. She deserves the most character description possible.

Plot:
So she's at a club and spills something on someone's boots and then gets taken because she must pay for the boots and somehow willingly goes along with it. I'm not sure if she is naive or just a little dumb. She could easily be murdered and her airheaded acceptance is a bit disturbing so let's deepen the plot just a little here to give more depth.

I think maybe hinting or allowing Skylar even Joey an important person to society is a better route. Let's say Skylar is the daughter of the best doctor in the entire state or Joey's parents own multiple clubs across the country and Skylar is his wife so she is the baddie.

When Bella spills the drink, they fuss a little but then Skylar flashes her status at her telling her like, "Bitch, you're going to repay me or I'll take everything you own."

She doesn't necessarily need payment but there is something she sees in Isabella that makes her want to continue bullying her. Isabella overwhelmed by her mistake feels like she's being blackmailed and suddenly gets pulled into some crazy mess this will work better for her personality as well as us getting the chance to see her as a character and how easy she may be but this gives the plot a little more depth. Even if Skylar and Joey's status is fake and they were just trying to con her a little because they're some sex trafficking/crazed individuals.