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Lost In Green [Nika]

Book: Lost In Green
Author: itz_maars
Reviewer: Nikachu22
Chapters read: 2 including prologue
Main focus: I'm new writter so I want to how my book is like plot, dialogue, story structure , readers will find it good or not etc.

For the plot-- There is something missing in the beginning. We are not given the chance to feel their love through them expressing it but are rather told how deep that they are so into each other that there seems to be a can’t live without each other idea. It’s told to us so strong in the beginning of the plot that it’s confusing and I’m not sure if it even draws me in and allows me to root for them because I don’t know them yet to give my opinion on if their love is truly just an overexaggerated addiction to one another, a toxicity painted by love or is it truly a love story, because it seems as though Ezio has something going on with him by the last sentence in the blurb. I suggest removing their unwavering love from each other in the prologue because that very same thing you seem to also be beating us over the head with it in chapter one. I’m not sure how much more of the repetition in undeniable love as a reader I can bear. Too much too soon is a problem.

In the prologue, what you’d want to focus more on is what readers will expect in the story. A glimpse of something that makes us go… oh? What’s this?

Maybe a pivotal moment for them but this must be described not just with deep words, but through the characters actions. Allow people to see what the book is about.

First and foremost, where is the setting? Where are the characters? Where is Ezio? What's around him? The build-up and visualization are missing. There are no characters moving nor is there a setting painted anywhere in the prologue at all. We are given his suffering but without any context as to what is going on. It is very confusing. What makes this prologue want me to continue reading forth?

Nothing.

You want to keep the suspense? The curiosity? Then you will need to revise this so that we could feel them or at least feel Ezio as much as possible. You're just telling us how they feel and a lot of what is written has the same undertone, you just write it differently. You do very well with wordplay, and you hold strong on the descriptions of love. I mean they are mind-blowing. I like how hard you can deliver such a passionate voice. Don't get me wrong. It's chef kiss. Never stop that.

I'll point out a few things I’ve noticed.
1. In a world where reality blurs with illusion, Aanya and Ezio find themselves ensnared in a web of torment and despair.
2. In the heart of darkness where shadows intertwine with echoes and shattered dreams, lies a tale of love and madness.
Both of these are opening sentences which share very similar undertones. It explains the power struggle between the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. I would suggest only choosing one to begin the chapter or even getting rid of them both.
1. Amidst the chaos--
***What chaos are you referring to? Just in a general sense? What's going on with Ezio physically not just emotionally and mentally?***

2. A sinister figure enters the room, his laughter echoing like a chilling refrain in the stillness of night.
****Who is this person? Why are they here? Elaborate a little bit without giving too much detail. Is this just an embodiment of Ezio's depression? Anxiety? Is this all in his head? Is this a physical entity that tie to being the ultimate bad guy of the story? Is this a creep that's been following them? Aanya's stalker? A demon? An angel? A vampire? The guard that locked Ezio up? Give some details to allow us to put it together. Doesn't have to be much. There is no context or detail as to what we are dealing with. The way this is written suggests that we readers are dealing with a story that leans more towards fantasy which involves creatures, one in which seems to be claiming Aanya. Like some sort of demonic entity. Etc. etc.****