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Renewed Promises: Love's Second Chapter [Alba]

Book: Renewed Promises: Love’s Second Chapter
Author: mini_writes23
Reviewer: -Oracle-
Chapters read: 11 including prologue and character aesthetics.

Title: 5/5
It’s catchy, intriguing and beautiful. Good for a romance novel. It gives you the vibe of just what the story is about.

Cover: 5/5
The cover is absolutely stunning. It’s eye-catching, pleasing to look at. It suits the genre extremely well, considering the romantic setting for the image in the background. I also loved how you played around a bit with using different fonts. It looks incredible!

Blurb: 10/10
You know exactly what to incorporate in the blurb to make it attention-grabbing. It’s full of hooks, dramatic twists, and reasons for the audience to read this story.

Plot: 20/20
It’s a very interesting storyline, with the characters’ backstory being that they met in school and were about to marry each other — to then have Raj cheat on Mishti the day before. It’s well-planned and well-developed when it comes to characters and events that occur. As well as realistic and relatable, since it deals with the issues of infidelity, betrayal, and family drama. It’s full of dramatic and unexpected plot twists, heart-gripping scenes and moments of sympathy/relatability for the protagonists and other characters.

Overall, creative and compelling plot.

Mechanics: 15/20
You have good descriptions with lots of vivid details. Your writing style is incredible as it incorporates beautiful descriptions and well-chosen words.

However, there were a few sentences that were structured rather awkwardly that caused me a bit of confusion as I read them and that didn't really make much sense. If you want to know which ones specifically did so, send me a message so we can discuss it privately.

Another thing is that you tell emotions instead of showing them.
Example: “He stood up from his place with angry expressions.”

This is telling, not showing. You need to show the reader why he is angry, how he is angry.

A way to improve this is to describe the facial expressions or body language. Write that “he furrowed his eyebrows,” or you can describe the redness in his face, his tense jaw, intense eye contact, clenching his fists, etc.

This way, you make your writing so much more interactive and engaging, allowing us — as readers — to see, hear, feel, and imagine what the characters are going through, rather than just being told what happened.

There were also moments in dialogue that were unrealistic and confusing, which in return threw me out of the story. An example is when a character screams and you attempt to convey it through onomatopoeia, but you miss the elements that make a scream sound like an actual scream.

Example: “Aaaaaaaaaaa” can be improved by adding exclamation points and, if you want, capitalization. I’d also suggest making it shorter, since it is distracting and overexaggerated.

Improved version: “Aaaaah!” or “AAAAH!” would suit better, as it sounds natural and real. Saying that a character screamed, and then proceeding to write lowercase “aaaa”s  isn’t going to do the job. Make it as realistic as possible. Use punctuation. Use capitalization. Make it as vivid as possible, to the point where we can hear it ourselves.

Another way to keep it professional is to just write that she screamed/shrieked/yelled, etc. That way, you don’t have to worry whether you described the correct impression of a scream or not.

The last concern I have around mechanics is characters not sounding genuine when they talk.
It seems like you don’t use enough punctuation to indicate the way character’s speak. Use more exclamation points, ellipsis, capitalization — don’t avoid it. It lets the reader know what to imagine without you having to tell us how a character talks. Just by adding a sign at the end of a sentence makes a huge difference.

Example: Ansh was shocked, he looked at her. “Whatttt.”
Off topic, but here again, you are telling instead of showing. However, the main concern is you not using punctuation.

Improved version: Ansh was shocked, he looked at her. “What?!”

Unless he’s being sarcastic or something, see how much difference this small change makes? It indicates the tone and is clearer that he actually is shocked. Otherwise, it can be confused with sarcasm, since he sounds like he’s deadpanning due to the simple period at the end.

Hook: 10/10
You definitely nailed placing the hook in your story. You’ve established clear and gripping scenarios in the blurb, including the prologue showing us Raj and Mishti’s relationship before it all went down the drain, and still managing to keep the reader interested with cliffhangers and the events that take place. You know how to keep the reader entertained and hooked in your story as you keep each chapter active with conflict and tension.

Word choice and Author’s voice: 8/10
Your writing style is clear and descriptive, describing emotions and feelings in-depth with vivid words. I also love how you use emotion to convey scenes and deliver background/flashbacks for context throughout the story. The grammar and spelling are mostly correct, with some minor errors.

However, those can be corrected with the use of online tools to correct your sentences and grammar, such as Hemingway Editor or Grammarly.

Characters and character development: 10/10
Other than a few unconvincing dialogues, the characters are well-developed and believable. They make mistakes, decisions, and behave like real people and how you’d generally expect them to behave in a situation like Raj’s and Mishti’s. It makes sense. They have well-written backstories that weave into the present perfectly, adding more conflict since the main characters knew each other from a very young age and met due to Raj protecting Mishti from bullies.

Overall enjoyment: 10/10
Great romance story. I loved getting to see Mishti’s culture incorporated heavily into the story in gorgeous and realistic manners. It’s dramatic, full of endless conflict and excitement. I will definitely be recommending this to a romance-lover!

Total: 93/100

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