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Hunted: Destructive Outbreak [Nika]

Book: Hunted: Destructive Outbreak
Author: Mirabella_29
Reviewer: Nikachu22
Chapters read: 7

Main Focus: Plot, Story flow, Pacing and any feedback you think will do me justice, even the emotions conveyed or the descriptions.

There was a small amount of confusion due to the writing style of certain paragraphs in the story. For instance, when Galael leaned over and pinched her leg it stated that she has blonde hair from reading previously in the chapter. He has black mop hair also from what I gathered.

This part is confusing; About to begin a scathing speech to her, she struggled and propelled her face against that of her enemy. The shock made her see stars. But Galael was not left out. Loosening his grip on his golden hair, Milanca took the opportunity to swing an uppercut into his jaw. Her legs shook as she got up.

This segment I’m not understanding clearly so I’ll rewrite it. I can understand what is happening. Someone is pulling on the hair, gets hit, and then gets hit again?

(I’m assuming it's Galael who is about to give the speech.) The hard look in his eyes as he scanned over her frame, swallowing a dry knot that sat at his adam’s apple. His tongue brought from his lips like a thirsty animal it was apparent he would begin his agonizing abusive speech; however, Milanca couldn’t take another word. Parted lips were shut tightly when she propelled her head forward, knocking his mouth into a painful clamped grip. The air in his lungs pitched, he nearly choked, but it was also enough for him to loosen the grip on her blonde strands. She too suffered at her actions when her head bobbled to one side, a vision of multiple Galaels dancing within her eyes. 

Milanca knew if she didn’t move now, her slim chance at escape would fall to none. What could easily be mistaken for fear, was none other than her will to live. She shook the feeling away the best she could, pressed on her shaking legs, and rose to stand up. Small scuffling alerted the man and he darted eyes towards her movement, blood gushing and running from his suffered clamped mouth. He goes to reach for her, clawed fingertips bared, the anger in his expression telling her she regretted ever touching him. 

Milanca moved but an inch, he stumbled, planting a palm on the ground and then suddenly she gave it her all, driving her knee into his throat. The impact loses her footing, she falls back, and without warning he comes too. Unconscious, a grunt bursting from his lungs, he goes limp right before her determined glazed-over stare. A hand covered in black stains comes to wipe at her trembling lips, but the look in her eyes remains unforgiven.

You can do a little wordplay. I also believe that the way you type is nice just needs a little more clarity at certain points. What you don't want is to write in such a way that only you can understand. I’ll clarify. So every story an author writes, we know everything that goes on. What we are doing is trying to convey what we know to the readers as a story, but sometimes authors will do this thing where when they write the clarity of the situation isn’t explained in a way that a reader can soak it up. 

The only person that truly gets what's happening is the author. It’s like a riddle. The riddler knows the answer. So when you write you have to also tell yourself… can someone reading this understand what I am saying?

Don’t get me wrong. Complex writing (as you do) is always a lovely trump card, but where you have the most emotional scenes or scenes that play a big role, you want the readers to be engaged.

Once you get her alone. The dread of her situation set in. Your word choice is impeccable and I could feel her desperation/despair. I like the ending of the first chapter because it signifies that even though in her mind she is leaving, I can’t help but believe her leaving is more like being on the run. Nothing is over until it’s over. The suspense is there.