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Their Elemental Curse [Danielle]

Book: Their Elemental Curse 
Author: MomoOnTheGogo
Reviewer: Dark_Ghostie
Chapters read: 20

Look out for:
• plot
• character development
• blurb
• editing
• writing style

Cover: 2/5
The cover does show the four elements, but it’s awkwardly placed and makes the cover look less appealing.

Title: 3/5
Your title is short and sweet, wonderfully summarising what your story is about, but at the same time, it doesn’t really do the story justice. Something about it just doesn’t feel right.

Blurb: 2/5
The blurb is rather simple and nicely sums up what the story is about, but it’s missing the pull factor to fully sell the story to readers. I feel like it could be more interesting. It’s a real pity considering how good the story is.

Mechanics: 18/20
I couldn’t really find any errors with your grammar, punctuation, phrasing, sentence structure or anything! However, I did notice one problem where dialogues with a dialogue tag aren’t punctuated. For example, ‘“My mommy told me to wake you up” she explained with sass as she got off my bed.’ should be ‘“My mommy told me to wake you up,” she explained with sass as she got off my bed.’ Unless the dialogue ends with a question mark, exclamation mark or ellipse, there should be a comma before the dialogue tag. Other than that, I must say, I’m quite impressed with the writing.

You have a lovely writing style. You manage to write such a beautiful and intriguing narrative with only the use of simple language. Some might think that it’s too plain, but I think it’s lovely and fits the story perfectly. If you ask me, that in itself takes a lot of skill to do.

Plot: 20/20
I love the plot. It’s really cool and beautifully written. The scenes were fun, yet blood pumping at the same time. Furthermore, I love how you incorporated the End Times into this along with other stories about World War III and the viruses. It was quite creative.

If I had more time, I would’ve finished the whole book, but I did skim through the remaining half. Although the ending is quite sad, it was needed to make the story more engaging and realistic. I liked that little touch of tragedy and the romance…it was tearing at my heart to read it because it was so touching.

Flow: 10/10
The chapters flowed nicely with one event leading to the next and I was able to understand everything perfectly. Not once was I confused with the flow of events.

Hook: 10/10
Your story was really intriguing and had me on the edge of my seat at certain parts. I just kept feeling like I needed to know what happened next.

Character development: 20/20
Your characters are wonderfully described and each have their strengths and flaws. As the story progresses, they learn and adapt to the new environment and I’m glad I got to see them grow as they explore their new reality. Reading the story, I was able to connect and relate with the different characters in terms of their feelings and thoughts. Everything was just so relatable! Furthermore, I loved the twist in Mina though I kind of guessed it would happen. The whole Beval and Mina was very suspicious. Other than that, good job!

Overall enjoyment: 5/5
I love your story!

Total: 90/100
The cover and blurb really needs some work because it’s what readers see before deciding whether to read the story or not and if it doesn’t appeal to them, it’ll be a real pity because the plot is really well written. Other than that, I don’t really have much to say, but if you want to edit, I would suggest using some stronger language. Good job and I look forward to finishing your story in my own time!

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