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Humsafar [Mahira]

Book: Humsafar
Author: niyawrites_21
Reviewer: The_Pencraft
Chapters read: 22 and a bonus chapter

The things I observed:
• The author originally wanted to write a Hinglish book and her target audience was mainly Hindi and Urdu speakers. Non Hindi were second in line. 
○ I felt that writing was inspired by Indian serials but was much better than that as it was not cringe at all.

Title:
Humsafar is a Hindi term and perfectly fits the story.

Description:
It was enough to catch someone's attention and give a blurb idea about the story so that the reader can choose whether to read or not but still I think it could have been a lot better. It was written in the very basic English language with a few Grammatical mistakes. Like instead of writing, “But Ahan told everything about his son”, you would have written, “Ahan disclosed about his son”.It was just an example but could have been written much better. I guess the author was out of words. Even in my opinion the question at the end of paragraph had nothing or less to do with the things you mentioned in the paragraph. For effective writing I will suggest rewriting it and mentioning more about Ahan's feelings towards Ishqi in the beginning of the story without giving any spoilers, so that question can be raised.

Opening:
Considering the first chapter as opening, after reading the first paragraph, for a moment I thought I was reading an introductory character chapter. I double checked to confirm. I guess opening can be much better. I felt that the author was in a hurry to bring up the marriage scene. It doesn't mean you need to write in too much detail , just plot the first chapter like Ishqi was at the Agrawal's house to talk about the marriage and side by side giving an intro about each character as they come into the scene and the rest.

Grammar and Vocabulary:
Talking about the Hinglish part, it is just punctuation. The author has used ellipsis (...) almost everywhere instead of full stop and other punctuations. Ellipsis is used to indicate the omission of words or suggest an incomplete thought. Talking about the English part, same punctuation and other grammatical mistakes. Even one chapter was written half in present tense and rest in past tense. The book needs editing.

Dialogues:
Whether English or Hinglish I enjoyed it a lot, especially Ishqi and Ahan conversation. Still for professional writing I will suggest you to write in double quotation and at the end mentioning the one who said it. Like, “You are not my wife.” Ahan said. If there are many characters in the scene then mention the name of the character he is speaking too, like, Ahan said to Ishqi. Instead of the word, “said”  you can use words like exclaimed, annoyed to present their emotions. Even to represent the emotions, punctuation plays a major role like, “Woohoo!”, he exclaimed. Please avoid writing it like a play, representing characters with their name’s first letter, as manier times I myself got confused who is S and who is Sa.

Plot:
Each and every incident was in sequence. But the plot of chapter 1 could have been much better as I already mentioned under the heading, opening. I found chapter 18 to be humorous as the conversation of Ishqi and Vihan was funny instead of being serious. Ishqi wasn't replying to Vihan's question in a simple way. It was the weakest plotting, rewriting is needed.

Writing Style:
The book was written in Hinglish with English translation. I liked the Hinglish part very much. Changes needed under it are already mentioned in another category. Coming to English translation, what I felt was that the author manier times tried to translate Hindi exactly to English words. Don't do that. Write in a way you would have written as an English writer. Author has used many Hindi words like Dadi and bhabhi. I will suggest making a different chapter for it to write those Hindi words with English translation so that non Hindi speakers can understand. Well it is just a suggestion. The Final decision will be of the author. Also, I found a few beginning chapters to be in detail like, unnecessarily mentioning characters going to sleep or doing dinners. Another thing I noticed was, wherever Ahan was talking to himself the author made several clones of him, instead of doing so you may write a lot was going in his mind or so and then all his thoughts. Rest I really enjoyed the way the author perfectly represented each emotion in the book. Like the chapter having serious scenes were really serious, the one having romance where romantic. Even the chapter titles were perfectly done.

Characters Sketch:
The author has represented each character and their emotions perfectly. Even their relationship to each other was presented perfectly.

Ending:
The ending was done perfectly. No change is needed.

Plot Twist:
Vidhi's comeback was done at perfect time.

Suggestions:
For better English writing you may use Grammarly and docs for editing. They are really helpful software. Also go for English books present on wattpad to learn writing style, opening and many more.

Few words before ending:
The story was really interesting. The idea of writing it in two different languages was awesome. I really enjoyed it.

Happy Writing!

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