Sunshine...?

20

Hinata walked into his house, letting out a breath as he closed the door. He took off his shoes and walked further into the house. He walked through the halls, going to his room. He closes and locks the door, dropping his bag on the floor. He groans, falling onto his bed.

Maybe Kageyama is right. I'm just a dumbass that sucks at everything. Y/n should stop supporting me so much. I'll never be good at anything. I'm just a waste of space. My dad is right. I shouldn't have been born. I'm just a mistake. I should just drop dead. I'm a burden to everyone around me. Even Y/n is spending less time with her other friend just to be around me. I'm being too selfish. I shouldn't have asked her to come to the game tomorrow. She needs time to herself. She has her own problems. She needs time to herself. I need to let her live her own life. Maybe I should stop bothering her so much. I shouldn't have told her about my dad. Now she probably pities me and is making more time for me, while pushing all of her own problems to the side. I only ruin other people's lives. Everyone would be much better off without me.

He shook his head, trying to get rid of the thoughts. He walked over to his school bag, taking out his homework. He had to work on it now or he won't do it at all. He doesn't want you to find out that he hasn't even been trying to do his homework. Hinata feels like he's already been worrying you enough lately, especially after he confessed everything that his father had done to him. The last thing he needed or wanted was to steal your full attention and risk destroying everything you've worked so hard for. He already feels that it's his fault that you don't know what you want to do with your life. You never told him that you had any plans for the future. The most you'd ever say when asked what you were going to do after high school was say that you'd go off to college somewhere. Other than that, you claimed to not really know what you wanted to do with your life.

The orange haired boy sighed. He tried focusing on his homework, realizing he knew nothing that was on the paper. He really hadn't been paying attention in class. Everything looked like a foreign language to him, even the stuff that was written in Japanese. He didn't understand anything we was looking at. And it frustrated him. I'm so useless! I can't do a simple problem on any of these papers!

His phone started ringing. And he answered it immediately.

Your voice came from the phone. "Hey, Shoyo. What are you up to?"

"Homework."

You chuckle. "Looks like I called at just the right time, then. Lemme help you out. You probably haven't been paying enough attention in class, or you forgot you what you learned by now. I'll help you with your homework, then let you go to bed. Start telling me the first thing you need help with."

For a couple of hours, you walked him through all of his homework. He completed it, then stuffed it back into his school bag. He remained quiet for a while.

And it worried you. "Hey, are you ok? If something's bothering you, you can always talk about it with me."

"It's nothing." He lied, forcing himself to sound exhausted. "I'm just tired. I'm going to bed. Night, Y/n." He hung up without letting you get another word in. He put his phone on the charger, walking over to his desk. He opened up one of the drawers, pulling out the sharp knife he kept stored there. He opened up another drawer, placing some medical supplies on his desk.

He sits on the floor, holding the knife out to his wrist. I couldn't do a single thing without worrying Y/n. She took more time that she could've been using to sleep or something. Why do I have to be alive?! I just ruin everything! Y/n would be so much better off if we never met. I need to get out of her life. Things will be better for her without me.

As tears rolled down his face, he slashed up his arm. Warm, red blood trickled from the open cuts. Some droplets ran down his arm, dropping onto the floor. When his head began clearing, Hinata gasped and dropped the knife onto the floor. He dried his eyes and stood up, reaching for the medical supplies. He brings them to the floor, then starts wrapping his arms after disinfecting them. He cut a little deeper than usual, knowing he should be seeking professional help. He knew there would be scars that he'd have trouble hiding, that he would need to keep his arms wrapped longer than usual. He would most likely have to wear the long sleeved shirt to practice until his arms get better. But even then, he might need to keep wearing long sleeves if he has scars that he's going to try hiding.

There was no way he'd let anyone find out about this.

He sighs as he looks at the floor once his arms were taken care of. He walked to his closet and grabbed the cleaning supplies, making sure the floor was spotless. He put everything away, getting rid of all the evidence of what had just happened.

Hinata dragged his feet against the floor, making his way to his bed. He flops down face first, then lets out a groan. He gets back up, swaying as his feet land on the floor. He starts moving across the floor. He grabs something clean to wear, then grabs his medical supplies. He still needed to shower, so he did that as quickly as he could. He walks back into his room with wet hair, fresh bandages wrapped around his arms. He closes and locks his door, making his way to his bed. He flops down face first. He shouts into his pillow, letting out the remaining frustrations he felt from the past week.

He raises his head, looking at one of his wrapped arms, groaning. Shit. I'm such a fuck up. How am I going to play against another team tomorrow with my arms like this?