Sunshine...?

97

Shit. I upset Y/n. She didn't even talk to me after what she said at Shiratorizawa. She didn't even look at me. Instead, she paid attention to Tsukishima the whole time. It was like he was more important. I fucked up. I'm just a mistake. I don't know how to do anything. I'm worthless. I'm just a piece of trash that needs to get thrown out. I'm a burden to everyone around me. I make Y/n's life more difficult. She has to go out of her way just because of what I do. I'm ruining her life. I need to get out of it.

Hinata stopped pacing in his room. He quickly looks over at his door, confirming that it's locked. That's when he gets to work. He grabs his all too familiar blade. He pulls up the sleeves of his hoodie, marking up his arm with fairly deep cuts. The open wounds sting as he lets the blood flow from his body. He drops the knife, not cleaning his arms up. He lets them bleed for a few more moments before even thinking of moving from his spot.

As slow as he could possibly move, he gets his supplies. Slowly and carefully, he wraps his arms after disinfecting the cuts. He puts the medical supplies away, slowly looking around his room. His gaze lands on the blood that dropped onto the floor. Without stepping in the red liquid, he goes to get his cleaning supplies. With the utmost focus and precision, he cleans up his bedroom floor.

The moment the floor is cleaned, looking brand new, he puts the cleaning supplies away. He takes cautious steps to his bed, slowly sinking into the mattress. He sits on the edge of his bed, eyes trained on the floor. He breathes slowly, calmly. Almost like nothing had happened. Because, to him, nothing did happen. And if anything did happen, it was because he deserved it. At least, that's how he felt about it.

I'm just full of shit. I'm not gonna accomplish anything as a ball boy, even if coach Ukai says I could. I'm wasting time. But I'm too damn stubborn to stop. Maybe there's a chance I could learn something from this camp. I might never know if I go back to practice. And I don't know if I'll ever get the chance to do something like this again. I'm sorry, Y/n, but I have to do this. I'm dragging you along with my whims, only causing you trouble. If you stop loving me, I'd understand. You deserve someone that would treat you better, that won't make your life difficult. Dating someone like Kageyama or Tsukishima might be better for you.

He releases a deep sigh. He pushes himself off the edge of the bed, moving closer to the center of the mattress. He lays on his back, staring at the ceiling. His mind is filled with negative thoughts. He closes his eyes, only seeing black. And, somehow, he feels comfort from that black nothingness.

***

You feel your phone vibrate. You pull it out, a smile forming on your face as you read the message.

Kageyama
The first day of the training camp was good
There are a lot of interesting people here
One guy was actually a part of the training camp we had in Tokyo
He's pretty much the only person here that'll talk to me regularly so far
How's everything with you and the team?

You
Oh well Shoyo snuck into the training camp that Tsukishima is going to
I have to walk them to Shiratorizawa, come back to our practices and play with the guys for an hour, then go back to Shiratorizawa until the boys finish up there
Then I get to walk Tsukishima and Shoyo home
I'm already getting sass from Shiratorizawa's coach
He's angry about Shoyo being there, and he's making me feel bad about it

Kageyama
Sorry to hear that
I would help if I could
Is there anything I could do?

You
No, don't worry about it
I'll be fine
Get some rest
You have a long day ahead of you
I need to go to bed now
I'll talk to you tomorrow

Kageyama
Goodnight, L/n

You sigh as you hook your phone onto the charger, setting it onto your nightstand. You let out a sigh, turning off you bedroom lights. You walk back to your bed, making yourself comfortable. You stare at the ceiling for a moment.

Shoyo, what's going on with you? You've never been like how you were today. If something's wrong, please talk to me. Don't just go off on your own. You don't even know how much it hurts me when you push me away like this.

You feel a tear glide down your face. You wipe it away and close your eyes, hoping sleep will quickly come to you.

But it doesn't.

You're unable to fall asleep.

***

You sigh as you roll out of bed. You turn your blaring alarm off, starting to do your morning routine.

You yawn as you walk towards your front door, everything you need with you. You hesitate to open the door, wondering what is going to happen the moment you leave the house. You and your boyfriend hadn't spoken a word to each other since your little argument at the Shiratorizawa camp. You felt a little guilty for getting as mad as you had, but you had every right to be upset. You did nothing wrong. You were only trying to get Hinata do what's right.

So why do you feel horrible?

You look over to his house, not seeing his bike in its usual spot. You knew that he had already left without you, even earlier than usual. You felt a slight pain in your chest.

Today might not be a good day.

You shake your head, trying to clear out your thoughts. Maybe Shoyo just wanted to get there earlier than usual to make up for sneaking into the camp. He can't be avoiding me. I'll make sure to talk to him later. I want things to be normal between us. Things can't go on if there's a rift forming in our relationship. I love him. I'll do anything I can to keep him with me for the rest of my life.