Sunshine...?

85

Hinata was pacing around his room. He's been pacing ever since he arrived back home. He grew concerned when your parents picked you up from the school, not offering to bring him back home. When he arrived back to his house on his bike, he noticed the car your parents used to pick you up still hadn't returned back home. He knew nothing of what was going on. And this was leading him to spiral. Dark thoughts filled the boy's head. Different possible scenarios coming in and out of his mind. He wanted to piece together what was going on. But nothing was adding up like he wished it would.

What's going on with Y/n? Is it serious? Does it have something to do with her passing out during the training camp? What if something bad is going on? What if she's going to die? No! Don't think like that. It can't be that bad. Maybe her parents just missed her and wanted to spend the rest of the day with her. Maybe. That still doesn't seem right. She's keeping something from me. Why would she keep something from me? She should be able to tell me everything. Wait. I'm a hypocrit. I don't tell her everything. She still has no clue about my depression or self harm. I have no right to think she should tell me everything. Until I can tell her the full truth, there's no valid reason for me to expect that of her. Shit! Maybe it's my fault! Everything is always my fault. Why am I even alive? I should just die. I'm a failure. I can't work well with Kageyama now. That fight was my fault. I wanted to change. How can someone as useless as my change? I'll always be worthless, just a waste of space and supplies. I don't deserve to have the chance to make Kageyama change his tosses. I'm selfish. I should just drop dead.

He stopped pacing around his room, instead he went over to grab his blade. He slits his arms several times, letting the blood flow from his arms. He doesn't move for a few moments, truly thinking it was best if he were to just bleed out. Maybe, things would get better for those around him if he just disappeared.

His mom called to him from the other side of the door. "Shoyo! Can you come down now? Dinner's almost ready!"

The boy panics, rushing to grab everything he'll need to clean up. "Just a minute, mom! I'll be down soon! I'm just... finishing up my summer homework!" He lied. He had yet to start the homework his teachers had given him. He originally hoped that you could be there as he works on it. He might have to do all of the work without you around, if there was something going on with you.

He hurried to clean and wrap his arms. He mopped up his floor, getting rid of the last traces of evidence to prove what he's done. He pulls his hoodie sleeves down, taking a deep breath. He leaves his bedroom, joining his mother and sister for dinner. He acts like everything is normal. Everything is fine.

Nothing is alright. He's not fine. On the inside, he feels sick. He hates himself. He would rather be dead. Hinata doesn't even want to eat what his mom made for him, but he forces himself to eat. Nothing good will happen if he just suddenly stops eating.  He needs to act normal. He needs to pretend that everything is alright. No one can find out what's wrong with him. If people were to ever find out, Hinata would feel that he really is better off dead. He doesn't want to be a problem to others. He refuses to become a burden. He hates the thought of making other worry over him, of receiving pity from people he's grown close to. That won't help him. It would only make things worse.

His mom looks at him, noticing how slow her son is eating. "Is everything alright, Shoyo?"

He flinches, slowly looking up to look at the woman. "Just not as hungry tonight. Y/n's been passing out during our training camp. Her parents picked her up from school when we got back, but they didn't get home before me. I'm just worried that something is wrong."

"I see. I bet everything will be fine. Y/n's never had problems before. It can't be anything serious. You should focus on eating. She'll get worried if she finds out you aren't properly taking care of yourslef."

The orange haired boy nods, looking back down at his plate of food. He continues to eat his dinner, hoping that he can keep up his act. If anyone suspected something was seriously wrong with him, they probably would've brought up their concerns with him.

Hinata needs to pull himself together. He can't let anyone see what he's really like. He just needs to lie some more, find reasonable excuses to explain his behavior. No one will ever find out that something's wrong with him.

Stop acting off. Pretend like you're fine. If you're struggling, just make it seem like Y/n's situation is what's bothering you. Don't let it slip what you do behind the closed door of your bedroom. No one can ever find out. This is a secret that needs to be taken to my grave. Don't worry anyone else. Don't let them get suspicious. Everything is alright. That's what they all need to think. If they believe everything is alright, then I'll have nothing to worry about. Just do what you always do, Shoyo. Don't let them see who you really are. No one will love you for who you really are. Just act in a way that'll make people like you. This is the only way to keep Y/n in my life. She is the one person that should never find out about the real me.

But, one day, you'll find everything out. And when that happens, you'll know the fear of losing someone you love more than everything else.