words from a broken soul

Strength

We all have a strength in something
But me I'm not sure if I have any strength
You may say I do for surviving hell
I see it another way true I survived but
At the cost of my mentality
I'm a Fractured mask with clear signs of
Haphazardly being repaid
We all have a strength in something

I guess my strength would be wasting time
Or maybe the words that I write
I truly don't have a clue but
I'm leaning more to wasting time
I have no useful skills
All I have are the mental scars
From becoming numb to hell
Just to survive it but again at what cost
My mentality that was the damn cost
We all have a strength in something

But me my strength is nothing
It's just wishful thinking that I have any
Hell will truly break you down day in day out
I survived it but not without scars
Those scars are jagged, mangled, festering
They can reopen at any moment
I never know when but I know they will
We all have a strength in something

The horrors of a past that haunts me
A thick viscous fog a like an ashen haze
That is what I have for memories
And even then there's not many of them
Just the ones my brain deems safe
For me to be able to have and look back at
There's so much I can never remember
Most memories have become nothing but
Ash blown in the wind to protect me
We all have a strength in something

Me I'm just a broken and fractured ghost
Trying to make the most of a life that
I never planned on living confused and lost
But maybe I'll find my purpose maybe not
Who's to say surely me but I just don't know
The past is the past yes but the wounds
Inflicted from it those stick to you
Haunt you torment you break you down
We all have a strength in something

The past to me is best forgotten
Lest I be reminded by the void what
I truly am just some worthless mistake
I'm not living for myself
I live for others so I don't cause unwanted pain
A noble reason to me but at the same time
It's dishonesty because I don't see a
Value to my own life other than not
Hurting those I'm close to by
Snuffing my life out like a flame that never
Got the chance to lit the pit
We all have a strength in something

The void can never be filled so it seem
Just like my will to live it'll be incomplete
Always wondering why do I listen to the void
It's nothing but horrors that I can remember
Things my brain didn't turn to ash despite
How much I wish it did
Would be easier to move on from the horrors
There's always a void

But all we can do when dealt a bad hand
You can either wait for the straight
Or you can always reshuffle the deck
Stack it in your favor and not the voids
There's nothing wrong with a quick reshuffle
Sometimes it's the best course of action
Instead of blindly hoping for a winning hand
There's always a void