words from a broken soul

Confused

We've all been confused before
But I'm confused on my life
Confused by why I suffered
Through hell that left me altered
Wondering who I can trust
Waiting for the knife in the back
Nother one to add to the collection
We've all been confused before

But ultimately I'm confused on
How sick and twisted and demented
People can truly be why abuse
Your own Blood like I was some toy
The question of how much of hell
Did I truly endure to survive without
My sanity intact I may look sane
But stare into my eyes look beyond
The mask I'm always wearing you'll see
Another story of parts trying to coexist
We've all been confused before

Thing is I'm so used to my insanity
That the voices they provide insight
On how to best approach things
Well usually they do the assassino
Not so much he's just an angry part
Everyday I'm wondering what other
We've all been confused before

Horrors could be behind this ashen haze
That I have to call my memories
What else could've been done to me
These questions never get answers
There's just smoke and ash
Maybe bleeding into each other
Thing is when you have a disorder like
Mine live in hell like me memories
They get altered making you confused
We've all been confused before

High school or college they say It's some
Of the best years of your life but truthfully
All my memories of high school just
Bleed together got think hard to remember
Most things and even then I'm pretty skeptical
Because I can never untangle them
Hell I don't even know what year it was
For freshman and sophomore year
Junior year that's fucking easy covid year
We've all been confused before

Junior year the year the world shutdown
The year everything was altered all of
Our lives flipped upside down and then some
School was mostly done it was talked
About having a longer spring break
Then the school announced online learning
Thing was they also offered the option
To opt out of you classes if you had a
Certain grade I think it was a c of 77 or up
I opted out of most of my classes because
I've always kept a relatively high grade
Apart from math classes I was an a/b kid
We've all been confused before

Then my final year was back to in person
Downside was we'd go back to remote
A lot of times mostly in the beginning
Of the year it was weird barely seeing most
My friends because they chose online
But it was their choice I don't blame them
We've all been confused before

One of my 3 classes I took per semester
Was personal finance great class cool
Teacher but during our taxes section
We had to go to remote learning
I'm pretty sure most of the class got
An f on the mock taxes we were filling out
We've all been confused before