words from a broken soul

Terrified

We've all experienced something terrifying
Be that Nightmares as a kid or
Something much darker and twisted
See the the thing I find terrifying is people
But I say that comes naturally when you
Lived through hell most your life
You can endure and survive it but it'll
Change you leave you broken and altered
We've all experienced something terrifying

People to me are the most terrifying thing
On the decaying planet because we all
Wear a mask around certain people hide
The true colors we wear till we're alone
But also because people are an unknown
You never know what one might do or
How one carries themselves truly
Unless you grew up looking for the signs
Such as tone, body language, and looks
If you grew up looking for those sings
Well in my case I was in an abusive home
It was so bad that I dubbed it the hell house
We've all experienced something terrifying

Now know those sings can help you
Decide who in your life to trust and who
You should probably keep at an arm's length
Sometimes I wonder who can I truly trust
Who'll stab me in the back add to the collection
Of life lessons others I'm wondering
Who will truly put in the work to understand
Us not just me but all the others that
Call my head their home because
I survived the hell house but lost my sanity
We've all experienced something terrifying

Thing is hellish situations will always
No matter what will alway leave you
With some sort of parting gift a present
From the past that you struggle with
In the present and the future that present
Is usually trauma and the "lovely" gift of
Ptsd or post traumatic stress disorder or
The other version complex-ptsd which
Is even more of a "lovely" gift from the past
Both c-ptsd and ptsd will make life hard
I'm always wondering what will trigger me
I know to handle an episode but the thing
Is you never know when the episode will
Come and drag down the lane forgotten
We've all experienced something terrifying

There's no going back to normal not
After being altered from hell the ptsd
Is a looming threat and reminder from
The damn void that you've been broken
The best you can do is pick the pieces
And mend the mask you wear to at least
Seem like you're normal when
All you can think about is this the day
That I get dragged back down to the
Lane in memory that I wish would remain
Forgotten Like I was growing up
We've all experienced something terrifying

But those terrifying experiences are even
Worse when your on your one no one to
Help calm you doing its the main reason
That I kill my emotions and become a
Cold and numb person emotions are a
Weakness that's what I was taught kill them
Become numb and you'll survive hell
Just know when you kill your emotions
It starts to get addicting for me to
Feel absolutely numb nothing to think
About nothing to feel just know that
The coldness will get to you eventually
We've all experienced something terrifying