words from a broken soul

Ember

The flame embers everywhere
Those embers are several different things
One of the emerging flames could be for
One's passion for something that they value
But those embers could be one's emotions
Another could be the embers of a past that
You can't seem to escape from the reoccurring
Nightmares that are produced from the
Scars of the past lurking in the shadows
Waiting for the moment to force a trip down
The memory lane through a flashback
The flame embers everywhere

The people who experience flashbacks
Courtesy of the brain triggering ptsd response
Have a strength that most see as weakness
The strength to fight their own mind to
Stay in the present and elude the horrors
Of the past they went through just to have
People tell them it can't be that big but
Those are questions normal people ask
To someone who went through a traumatic event
That has been branded into the soul and mind even the body
The flame embers everywhere

I have ptsd and I wear a mask when the
Flashbacks come a knocking I remind myself
The past is simply that and the present is
Where I truly belong not the painful memory lane
But sometimes my strength to stay present
Is an embering fire that can't provide the
Warmth to fend off the cold that the void
Makes me feel through those dreaded
Memories that aren't smoke and ash
Just an abyss for of darkness that light
Is unable to to penetrate through the concepts
Of art is muted the only concept is that of
What comes after life and death what's the
Next thing to the journey or is the a next at all
These are the thoughts of what my abyss
Fills my head with even if suicide would be
Freeing me from the torment of flashbacks
The flame embers everywhere

But the thing about the abyss is that I just
Ride the wave out like when I spiral when
I'm filled with rage towards myself snap
At myself and others just to say sorry
And move on like I haven't broken a metaphorical mirror
Curious of will this be the time I make
The ones who I love the people who I think
Loved me be filled with hatred because I
Was to weak to fight against the abyss
But when I'm able to get of the wave just
Know that crumbling mask is put back on
Back to the balancing act of being sane
And presentable to strangers who don't
Know what my life was like and insane
Around the right people so I can remove
That damn mask and be my true self yet
Draining myself so I don't make people
Worry about the state of my fractured
Mentality but knowing it a war to make
Everyone think I'm perfectly fine with life
The flame embers everywhere